Nickels

The Mole-6

Patty fillsout a day pass for me except she writes Kelly Johnson instead of my name Patty thinks of everything Patty takes my hand she is serious we go up stairs made out of marble to the top floor Patty leans into a door so heavy we can barely open it Shhh she says her pony tail hits me in the face the room has tiny windows way up high so high the light is gray n dusty a woman sits at a desk on the other side there are shelves and shelves of books everywhere Patty takes me down an aisle of shelves with every kind of magazine you could ever want! Bees and Other Insects Cars and Motors Brides To Be Contemporary Architecture Time Newsweek Life Horses Poetry in America Gardening in America Sports in America Sports Illustrated The College Athlete everything in all the world! the library has everything in all the world! Patty gets on her knees to read something off the shelf I go through every single magazine on sports one after the other no one else is in the room but me and Patty and the lady behind the desk I look at the pictures their legs and arms are like the dusty air so beautiful the way they jump through the air no one can touch them

Want to see something else Patty says from behind me I practically jump out of my skin she swallows loud Yes I say I put the magazines back like I’m in church we walk over to the woman May I assist you she says she acts like we are adults folds her hands into each other Yes Patty says May we have the Madama Butterfly filmstrip Do you have your card with you the woman smiles Patty hands her the card Thank you Sally Johnson she walks to the wall the dusty light falls on her head she pulls out a skinny box hands it to Patty You may use room number one she says sits down behind the desk again

we sit in the room with one small light above our heads I made it so we’re sisters Patty says and unwinds the filmstrip part way that way we’ll always be together and now she’s really serious her lips are tight she puts the tape in the tape player and winds the filmstrip into the projector Kill the lights she says so I do

Madama Butterfly it says across the wall I don’t know what we’re watching Patty pushes the play button on the tape player Just wait the music starts Patty clicks the filmstrip a lady with her arms in the air is on the wall then a woman is singing she sounds like a siren I never heard anything like it This is opera Patty says and I sit next to her we watch the opera in the little room with a lady who sings like she could kill somebody I love her I want to be her singing so loud being so big on a stage she can’t disappear she could never disappear there’s no way she could ever disappear!

* * *

LAAAAAI am a lady on stage the spotlight’s on me I slide across the kitchen floor in my soccer socks mom and mad dad never caught me skipping school Patty forged our notes now school’s over now it’s summer now me and Patty play soccer instead of floor hockey mom drives us to games and practices we wear matching purple jerseys

LAAAAA mad dad doesn’t notice that I don’t wear the purse anymore he’s working two jobs during the day he’s at the city and at nights and on the weekends he roofs when we cleaned out our desks I left the purse in the desk now I throw out the nickels I flush them down the toilet fluush no more purse no more nickels me and Patty don’t need money for anything we steal everything Blow Pop suckers Hershey Kisses combs pony tail holders shoes matching red soccer shorts with three white stripes down the side notebooks for us to diagram plays garden gloves just in case we ever catch the mole and have to carry it somewhere before we let it go orange coffee cups from Walgreens a statue of a teddy bear with a ruby on its stomach fake miniature roses made out of glued cloth to give to mom for driving us to soccer it’s nice of her! it’s nice of her!

La la la la la luh lah lulu laaaa I run into the dining room Is Patty here yet mom yells from upstairs she forgot about saying Patty could never come into her house again La la la la lah I back into the new wallpaper mom and mad dad put in brown stripes with a beige background I run as fast I can across the carpet until I reach the kitchen floor then I sliiiide on my socks LAAAA!! LAAAAA!! LAAAAAA!! I wham! into the table What’s going on mom yells from upstairs LAAAA!! mom comes down stairs watches me for a second makes a face walks into the living room LA! LA! LA! I put my arms in the air like I’m a gymnast in the Olympics like I stuck the landing! a perfect ten thank you thank you I bow all around Come on it’s time to go mom says Patty knocks on the back door LAAA! LAAA! I answer it Patty smiles she has her cleats around her neck we only wear our soccer shoes on grass or we’ll wear out the cleats we play the Burnsville Blizzards today

The Burnsville Blizzards!the Burnsville Blizzards! they beat us last time 3-1 they are gold and black bumble bees they’re two games ahead of us in the conference if we don’t win today we won’t be able to win the conference I want to win! last night I slept at Patty’s dykes fags freaks we kissed all night long in her bedroom behind her blue sheet with the towels blowing in the breeze we kissed and hugged I let her touch me we slept just the sound of our breathing and the wind blowing and the owl down by the river hoo hoo hoo we went to bed early because we had to be well rested for the game today the game today!

me and Patty warm up together the other girls on our team go to a different school we don’t know them we pass with our instep that’s hard to do we pass with the inside of our feet that’s easy to do we don’t kick with our toes we don’t kick with our toes! no one who plays soccer for real kicks with their toes! we read that in Soccer for Beginners we trap with our thighs drop the ball down at our feet trap it with the bottom of our feet we head back and forth two three times in a row Patty plays forward she is fast she scores goals lots of them I play defense one of the dads said last game That little number nine sure is something you can count on her to get the ball every time and I say you can count on me number nine every time! every time!

Tweet!the ref blows his whistle Mr. Sampson my coach has a brown beard that runs up the sides of his face like a rug Be tough he says to me I nod my mom is on the sidelines with the other moms and dads she sits in her lawn chair in tan shorts she crosses her legs dad says her legs are the purest white you have ever seen she puts on brown sun glasses big as the eyes of an owl Patty gets the kick off dribbles it around one girl then another then another then another! I jump in the air I get so excited she toe kicks it the goalie slides misses it Patty scores! the parents cheer Patty turns and walks to the kick off line one of the girls on our team puts her hand out Patty slaps it I jump on her Way to go I yell I kicked it with my toe she says I jump on her again Who cares I say you scored! another girl slaps her shoulder Patty frowns watches the grass while we walk back to the center line Kickers one Blizzards none!

Half timeand it’s still one to nothing we eat orange slices out of baggies and drink Sunkist Mello Yello and Hawaiian Punch Mr. Sampson tells us to stay spread out Don’t bunch! Pass as a team and if you get stuck on defense kick it out of bounds! I nod an orange slice in my mouth like a big orange smile Patty is quiet she wants to win bad we do our cheer all hands in the middle One Two Three Go Kickers!

I pull up my shin guards even though the padding makes my shins sweat I’m ready to float like a butterfly sting like a bee we have to win! a Blizzard girl dribbles toward me I take it from her kick it down the field as hard as I can my whole body kicks it the parents cheer Patty snags it shoots hits the post boing! then they almost score on us but our goalie hits it out at the last second bap! only two minutes left! two minutes and we’ll win the game! two minutes and Patty scored the only goal! two minutes and we can still win the division! the ref blows his whistle tweet tweet time out a girl on the other team can’t breathe She has asthma the parents yell me and Patty stand by ourselves dykes fags freaks! but we don’t care the other girls are not as good as us they’re not as serious as us they’re not as tough as us

We don’t care!

we don’t like them anyway!

Let’s get the show on the road ref a parent yells I still need to cut the grass today and the parents laugh the ref raises his hand the girl is under a tree tweet! tweet! one of the girls on my team throws the ball in Patty kicks it down the sideline runs after it past the girls on the other team gets it in the corner the parents yell cross it pass it shoot it Patty kicks the ball in the middle of the field one of the girls on our team kicks it out of bounds we didn’t score! they throw it in their girl kicks it there can’t be much time left! all of a sudden one of their girls kicks it hard it goes over my head in slow motion like I am floating in my bed up to the ceiling the tallest bed in all the world! the tallest bed in all the world!

I don’t hear anything no cheering no yelling I turn my cleats dig in my body moves it’s like the dusty air in the library floating the opera lady singing LAAAA! Muhammad Ali boxing Martina Navritalova hitting Fran Tarkenton scrambling Chuck Foreman dodging Bruce Jenner throwing Doctor J jumping Ahmad Rashad catching I run! I run in slow motion but I run faster than the other girl kick the ball with my toe so what! the coach told me to boom! I kick it out of bounds past the bushes tweet! tweet! game’s over we won me and Patty won! Kickers one Blizzards none!

GrammaI say

What she says

We won we won the Kickers won one to nothing!

I am so proud

I love you gramma

I love you granddaughter cream in my coffee