Ugly Bird-1
2247 Words
Ugly Bird
I quitthe team I speak into the receiver clearly enunciate the words are pearls on a string they are on time in order I own them they are mine those words there in the air on the tip of my tongue at my fingertips they are mine! I won’t take any s**t anymore no more! I am on fire steam engine whoo whoo! ready to take down anything in my way my anger pushes me through a lifetime of silence shrugging shoulders
What mother saysI quit the team hand clutches the receiver
What mother says
I see her sit down in the kitchen in the house that was never my home one block off Payne
I quit the team ugly birds do ugly things
Have you lost your mind
No!
the sun slants over the kitchen sink bits of suds in the basin
Why would you
For good reasons I say I am going to put the receiver through the wall
But what about your scholarship we don’t have the money
I don’t care about the scholarship
What about school
I’ll find a way I don’t care I hate my coach I’m not gonna take it anymore I nearly scream
You should have stayed on the team call him back apologize
No!
Ugly bird
I’ll call him then
No!
Ugly bird
Did you really quit
Yes I really quit
Ugly bird
Why
Ugly bird
I quit for goddamn good reasons
Don’t you swear at me missy she says the off white curlicue phone cord between her thumb and finger Did they catch you drinking again
Ugly bird
Is that it
Ugly bird
No I say
You’re going to end up like your father
No I say
You’re just like your father
No I say
You’re going to end up like me working for nothing no one appreciating you
I am not going to end up like you
Ugly bird
How can you can treat me like this after everything I’ve done for you she chokes call your coach maybe it’s not too late
No! I feel like I want to die drown in the ocean for making her cry I bury my feeling
Ugly bird
I’ll have your father talk to him
No!
Ugly bird
What is your coach’s number
No!
Ugly bird
I hate him
What is the number
I hate you
Gasp
Ugly bird
I she says
Ugly bird
Silence cord drops to floor bounces three times settles spins
Ugly ugly bird
I open my mouth let go of the ocean drowning me in a lifetime of silence I quit I say it’s over
Click
I hang up
Click
I turn the key to my apartment walk down the hallway the skittering of cockroaches a thin orange light at the end of the hall the setting sun
Listen to me breathe listen to me breathe listen to me breathe
* * *
Hamburger rarefried onions pickle no on the mayo I set a large cup of ice under the Coke nozzle oozing brown syrup we haven’t cleaned it in a week Huh Angie says she is short almost fat wears Elvis Costello glasses even though she hates him cuffs her jeans over her Mary Jane’s we are both English majors It’s your turn to clean the nozzles I hand the woman her Coke heavy on the fizz low on the syrup E tu Brute Angie points her spatula at me turns back to the grill It’s damn hot in here I say wipe my forehead the next woman pushes her tray in front of me a grad student in one of the hard sciences I can tell by her clothes plain brown shorts short sleeved shirt thick watch a look in her eyes I can just tell!
I stare at her up here in Tripp Commons we’re not about customer service I continue to stare until she says Turkey on wheat with lettuce and mayonnaise please Sure thing I say it’s a tradition here at Tripp I slap the sliced turkey and lettuce onto the bread that each customer tell us what department she or he is in before she or he can get her or his food I slop the mayo on two slices of wheat bread the woman looks at me she is not amused I cut her sandwich cross ways wipe the blade off on a white cotton towel let the knife drop into the hole between the lettuce container and the cutting board Well I lean on the palms of my hands Well what Angie says standing next to me she slides a plate with the hamburger rare fried onions pickle no mayo over the top of the sneeze guard You get a salad bar with that she says to the woman who walks out without acknowledging her Professor we say smirk What about you Angie points her metal spatula at the turkey sandwich woman the woman looks over her shoulder at the line Oh c’mon I say look at how hard we work can’t you humor us I’ll give you some chips I run my hand through the bin of Old Dutch premium potato chips Oh all right she forces a smile I would have given her the chips anyway but I don’t tell her that Hurry up hurry up Angie says we don’t have all day I dump a pile of chips next to the turkey sandwich drop a pickle spear over the top of the sandwich I’m in chemistry she says looks over her shoulder working on my doctorate Ah ha I say I want to ask her who she is looking for but that’s too rude even for Tripp Commons I knew it I hand her the plate she takes it almost dumps it struts away
You did not know it Angie scrapes the grease off the grill Turkey woman wants to be a professor more than anything so she can go to cocktail parties kiss a*s all day long be better than the rest of us cretins I am a jerk for saying it even though it’s probably true Angie nods pushes me away Get back to work she says I have some serious frying to do here Can I help you I say to the next man I sure hope so he says a visiting professor I bet he’s too young to be a full professor here We have a rule here at Tripp Commons I say then see Jane slouched in the doorway in her slovenly way she gives a little wave by her hip her thumb in her belt loop It’s time for my break Angie I say you’ll have to man the grill by yourself Woman it she says yeah right I think I have more important things to find out right now than whether the snobs eating at Tripp teach ethics or biochemistry or Chaucer
What’s upI push Jane to the salad bar in the dining room a former three story ballroom enormous red velvet curtains draped across each window What’s up I say again she is in the habit of not responding the first time someone asks her a question Not much she pushes at a strand of reddish brown wavy hair hanging in her eyes Did you get it I muck the spoon around in the cottage cheese bowl Yes she says her brown eyes never dart no matter what not even when we discuss drugs in public spaces I toss a celery stick at her under the sneeze guard Is your sister okay I say No she says a man walks up leans over me grabs the vinegar She’s back on the psych ward she says loudly she likes to freak out people same room as last time she tosses a baggy of shrooms on her plate grabs raw spinach with the tongs Don’t get those mixed up I mound a plate with squares of cantaloupe lettuce shredded cheddar cheese french dressing and spoonfuls of sesame seeds that skitter down the lettuce mountain
Tabatha!a woman’s voice scatters across the towering ceiling my head jerks toward a tall blond woman in a white tank top I wave Yes! yes! here I am the words spout out I don’t know why I said that my name is not Tabatha! the woman strides toward me it’s like I stepped aside for a second and the words poured out my mouth without my approval the woman is a few feet away Hello I say she walks by doesn’t look at me I twirl in my chair she hugs a woman two tables behind me I look at Jane she looks at me I shrink the way I do when frat boys and sorority girls glare at me my brown hair shaved to an inch of my skull Ragstock faded painter jeans silver rings Just joking I say but it’s not convincing so I say too many drugs huh but it’s not the drugs I don’t know why I answered a name that’s not mine
* * *
Angieyou’re bootiful Tracy sings falsetto at the 501 Club torn red vinyl bar stools Drink up Jane says spills beer on the floor Sound check one two the sun sets over the top of State Street hot pink n gassy blue behind a silhouette of darkened buildings a fan rotates over the bar the air is sweet with pot Want one I hold my dugout to them No Angie says Tracy ignores me we haven’t been introduced Jane nods my best friend I can always count on her the front door is propped open with a cement brick a line of college students drop outs druggies wanders out the door down the street Good thing we got here early I jab the tiny pipe into the dugout until it’s full inhale Jane takes a drag blows the smoke over her shoulder at the bartender This is Tracy Angie rolls her eyes puts her hand on his chest he’s my boy Hey Jane says I nod drop the dugout into my jean pocket light up a Camel I have died and gone to heaven I say pot beer Trip Shakespeare Jane lights up That’s not what you said when we smoked this afternoon What happened Angie says Honey I’ll see you later Tracy says nice to meet all you girls kisses Angie on the cheek walks out the door I didn’t know you had a boyfriend I don’t Angie says he’s gay what happened this afternoon It was laced with pcp Jane pours another beer she kept saying I’m going crazy I’m going crazy oh my god the girl is crazy court dismissed I’m going to be in a psych ward for the rest of my life Angie looks at me I don’t remember saying those things the guitars join the drums Jane drains her beer You’re not crazy Angie says pats me on the arm just a little weird
A guitar whinesthe sun disappears turns into a moon Cheese cake I could go for some cheese cake I blurt out no one says anything the band is loud drowning us fish rocks seaweed people crowd the empty spaces corners bar stools booths cracked red vinyl reveals matted down yellowed padding inside
Toolmaster of Brainerd c’mon let’s dance I pull Jane n Angie off the bar stools Trip Shakespeare is in purple velvet their hair down to their asses shirts open to their belly buttons we find a bubble in the crowd slip into it fill it up we dance a few people away from the front He took a charter bus too young and sweet to be hustling us the lead singer flings his hair across the stage I want to be him on stage the stars shining bright the moon hung low across the street I miss soccer being the star Jane’s head is down she’s tapping her scuffed army boots on the sticky floor Angie’s eyes are squeezed shut a small smile on her lips with her big Elvis Costello glasses I’ll bet she wants to be on stage too I close my eyes slam from side to side Trip Shakespeare is from my home town!
He played his guitar like a natural disaster I run my palm over my stubbly hair toooolmaaaaster of Braaaayneeeerd the riff ends Yeah I yell I am f****d up someone grabs my a*s the only people behind me are women I smile bow a woman grabbed my a*s!
* * *
Somy mother says we’re coming Thursday my roommate throws an empty shoe box out of her bedroom it lands near my feet she follows it I sit up on the back of the chair place my feet on the cushion That is so rude she says points to my feet goes back in her room hair flying through the doorway We’ll be there sometime around eleven in the morning Eleven I say my roommate reappears throws a green plastic bag into the living room Your father wants to get back in time for his program at seven I say nothing space out the thought of being back there in that house with him a black duffel bag lands in the middle of the living room Crazy I say under my breath her bedroom door slams What was that my mother says Amy’s on another rampage I say my mother says nothing Get off the phone I hear my father did you hear me he says my roommate is crying in her bedroom Now my father yells I really should get going my mother says panic in her voice All right I hang up my tongue goes down to my stomach I run to the bathroom wet cotton balls in the sink half packed boxes lying on the floor I vomit in the toilet
- Writer
