New Beginning

  Rae      "Rae, hurry up. We're going to be late." I hear my mom call me from the kitchen.       I don't answer, I don't wanna get up, my bed is just to comfy, I just wanna sleep in,  it's Saturday but I work in a mall so that doesn't mean anything.       "I made your favorite". I'm fully awake now, I can smell the eggs and bacon, and the sweet smell of the pancakes with chocolate chips. I get up and head down stairs, I enter the kitchen and see my little brother Adam at the table stuffing his face with some pancakes.       "Why are you up so early in a Saturday?". I ask him, he hates waking up early when he doesn't have to.       "I have a game today, mom is gonna take me there after she comes back". He's excited with the game, he's always excited about soccer.       "Oh ok, I didn't know, good luck tho"      "Honey if you don't hurry you're going to be late". My mom tells me while baking more pancakes, it's like she's cooking for an army.       "Ok mom, I'm just gonna eat and then take a quick shower"       When I finish my delicious pancakes I go up stairs and take the quickest shower ever, I do my hair and my makeup, put some jeans on and a plain black shirt. I head down stairs and tell my mom i'm ready to go.       "Adam, be sure to be ready when I come back. I'm just gonna honk". She tells my brother that has his attention on the TV.      "Got it mom". He says to her.       I get to the car and we head to the mall, my mom keeps staring at me like she wants to ask me something, but it's afraid of the answer.       "What is it mom?". I ask her first, and she gives me a confused face.       "What are you talking about Rae?". She tries to hide it, but she's really bad at lying.       "Come on mom, if you keep staring at me like that you're gonna crash the car and make a hole in my head". She realizes she's not paying attention to the road and turn back her head.       "I was just wondering if you picked a college yet". I look shooting daggers at her.       "Seriously? That again? No mom, I didn't pick a college yet, but I'm not staying is this God damn town where nothing ever happens". I can see the hurt in her eyes after i turn back to her.       "Look, I know why you want me around mom, but everything is going to be fine. The urge you had to get out of here before you got pregnant with me is the same urge I feel. I just gotta see more". There's got to be more than this life in a freakishly small town.       She looks at me with watery eyes and a smile on her face, and I just stay there shocked. Everytime this subject came on we fought, even the police was involved once when our neighbors though we were killing ourselves.       "I know honey, it's just hard for me to let go. I'm your mother after all."      Just as she finished saying that we got to the mall, I felt bad for leaving her after she was so calm about all this, but I was late for work.      "Mom, I wanna talk about that later ok. I love you". I really want to, I understand her now, so I wanna make sure she knows that just because I'm leaving it doesn't mean she's gonna lose me.       "No problem honey, I love you too"      She pulled out and I went on with my day. A few hours later I get a call from the hospital, the doctor tells me that my mom and my brother were in a car accident. When I heard his words my whole body freezes, my lungs feel heavy and my head is spinning. The doctor continues telling me that they couldn't make it to the hospital and both of them died in they're way there.      I feel numb, the tears start to roll down my face, I can't breath right, I feel lost and confused. I can't live without them, they were all I had and now I'm all alone. The doctor told me that I had to go down there to sign some papers and start preparing the funeral. I just stay there, listening to him speak, but not saying anything.  .........      I wake up panting, it's been two months since my mom and my brother died and everyday I wake up like this, I dreamed about my last day with them all the time and I just can't stop it. I still need to figure out what I'm gonna do with my life, if I wanna go to college, if I wanna stay in this Goddamn city where everything happened. I just feel numb all the time, I just don't know what to do.       Since I graduated high school I've been postponing college, it's been three years since I graduated but everytime I start picking a college something happens and I needed to help my mom with the house, or with Adam, I take the SAT's every year and always end up getting scholarship in some colleges. Well I guess now there's nothing that can hold me back anymore.