The pain of my Past

Past (July 2015) She was playing in the living room her imaginary game, like any other grade 6 child would, when she heard the gate open and a car driving in. She went to look out the window, only to find her mother on her way across the yard to open the front door. She ran back to the living room and felt the need to hide away. She really could not explain why she hid away. Still, today that question can not be answered. Maybe she was having a moment, playing a game or something. She remembers seeing her mother going to the bathroom, and she waited to hear the door close behind her mother to run to her father’s room. He told her to wake him up as soon as someone came home, only because he was supposed to be out working. She woke him up, as she was told, and walked to the door again. As soon as she was close enough to touch the door knob, her mother opened it, and she bumped her knee as the door opened and started giggling, for that moment seemed very humorous to her. Only realizing after her giggles that her mother stood there in the door frame silent, still and eyes filled with tears. She wasn’t looking at Athene but at the father. Athene turned around to try and understand why, and froze as she saw what her mother was seeing… Present Chapter 1 (Jan 2020) She suspected deep down that she was not like most children and then don’t most people feel that way. Maybe yes, but Athene was somewhat different growing up. And she knew it. Like most people, she had a story of her own to tell. Who could she tell and confide in about her troubles of the past other than to write how she feels? She wondered in deep thought as she finished her homework for the next day of school. Homework in matrices is no easy task, sometimes you actually have to do some thinking. Not like primary school, there you could always have a cute smile for an adult to help you if something was hard to understand, and you would even get one of those adults who would give you the answer straight away without explaining how they got the answer. Well, not in high school. And not from where Athene had to do homework. Not that most people knew, only her closest friends knew she lived in a shelter. Luckily for her, she was 18 years of age. Otherwise, where would she have gone? For Athene, it was at moments hard because she was the only real young lady there, but luckily she was not alone. Her father, who she had stuck with through hell and back, was also there. She always blamed her mother for everything that had happened, but what could she do? It has been 5 years since her life changed in not even a month’s time. Get over it Athene, it’s not like you could have changed what happened. She sighed, listening to her inner thoughts. Realizing it was 16h30 already, grabbing her toiletry bag to go for her shower before supper was served at 18h00 like the everyday routine that she had. Not just her routine, they have showering schedules for the women's dorms. Unlike the men who shower whenever they feel like it or whenever the showers are free on their side. Like every night in the dining area, Athene sat at a table far back in the left corner with her father and 2 other males. The male that always sits next to her is Leo, the only crush in the shelter but her second crush in her mind. Not mentioning her celebrity crushes, obviously. They met while Athene was dating someone named Rick, but she broke his heart after realizing how overly mommy’s boy he was. And Athene felt she did not need that type of boyfriend in her life. Although come to think of it, most people knew her as the three-month dump girl. She would meet someone who seemed to notice her, then dive into a relationship with them a few days after and then, in the three months, see what type of person they are and automatically break up with them, leaving their heart broken. Thinking about it, she had to admit she only started doing it after her crush from grade 10 told her friends that her hair was always dirty and that she smelled after he found out she liked him. Those mean words alone made her go through one relationship after another, breaking boys' hearts after hers was broken first. And the boys were mostly friends from his circle. Leo is much older than her, but they were only friends. She loved playing pool with him; it was the only fun thing in the shelter that they could play to let time fly. “So what do you think is on the menu tonight?” Leo asked her while smiling brightly, bringing her back to reality. “I’m not sure, but it probably will be one of the usual’s.” In other words it would be pasta and gravy, rice and gravy or pap and gravy. It did not matter if food was food and she was hungry. After praying for their blessed food and standing in line, she saw it was rice and gravy. Out of all three choices, it was her favorite. But if she could choose anything, it would be her homemade salad with mash, veggies and fish. She could eat salad every day, maybe because she was raised vegan. Who cared? Salad is delicious, she thought. After receiving her plate of food, she went back to the table and started eating. The food was not always too bad; it just depended on who cooked that night. After every meal, it was her time to greet her dad goodnight and for her to enjoy one last smoke outside with Leo before heading back to the dorm for the night and rest for school. At night, she would get terrible nightmares about her mother and her past. “Good morning, hope you slept well?” she heard her father asking as she sat down on her chair by the table for breakfast. Looking out the window and getting a happy feeling inside while waiting for Leo, who was but a few steps away from the entrance door, to come and sit next to her. ”Yes, thank you daddy and you?” she replied. “Well, not the best sleep I have experienced, but I did get some rest in thanks for asking.” “Good morning schoolgirl.” Leo said while looking at her with a naughty grin on his face. It seems to her like he is always acting strangely when she is in her school uniform. If she had to guess, she would say he liked seeing her in her school uniform. ”Well, good morning to you too, cheater.” she said teasingly. They both knew that was his nickname only because she believed he cheated at every pool game. How can one guy win more than 10 games in a row? “I am not a cheater, just better than you and everyone here in pool.” He teases back while keeping eye contact. “We will see tonight who wins, if it happens to be me, then I promise not to call you a cheater again. But just for a week. Okay?” "Sounds fine, but don’t think I will make it easy on you. I don’t cheat, I just love winning.” And with that they laughed as they knew they understood each other.