So Confused

Chapter 9

Finals came at naging super busy kami sa pag-aaral. I need to study and get good grades, dahil kung hindi, I’ll be dead kay Papa. I beg to study Education, ayaw kong mag manage ng business. I’m not really into managing business. I grew up seeing how difficult it is to run a business, how kuya ignored me, kaya ayaw ko. Dad told me that I should have 1.5 above grades, and if I got lower than that, I’ll study things that are related to our business. I may not look interested that much in studying, but I will not let my grades fall on that given standards.

“Feeling ko may Dyslexia ako kapag nakikita ko ang notebook ko sa EM” Mackenzie blurted bago isinalampak ang likod niya sa upuan.

“Mabuti at hindi sumabay ang Fluid Mechanics, kung sumabay kkkkkkkkkkk” Zylea replied at nag ‘you’re dead sign pa’

“Tapos hindi pa pwede gumamit ng index card for the formulas! Hello? Almost 20 formulas to! Imememorize ba natin lahat to?”

“Probably” Hazel replied. Busy nanaman siya sa cellphone niya. May reviewer naman but she keeps on texting.

Ayaw ko naman pagsabihan, its her decision.

Abi’s not around. I don’t know why. Kahit sila hindi rin alam, but I know Maki knows it. Sila ang madalas magkausap eh. Ayaw ko na rin lang magtanong, you know, if they want to tell it, they would tell it. Beisde I texted Abi if she is okay, she replied yes. I think she’s not ready to tell whatever it is. But I hope she study for the upcoming exam.

“I think we should eat.” I suggested.

Nagsitanguan naman sila at umorder ng pagkain. Nagpaalam lang muna ako saglit para mag CR.

I also still need to be in diet. Nakapagbawas lang ako ng dalawang kilo dahil hindi ako pinatigil ni coach ng pagjogging. And it really is tiring. As much as possible babawasan ko pa rin ang kain ko.

On my way back, I saw Jolo walking towards my way. Siguro papunta rin siya comfort room. Going back to the comfort room crossed my mind, pero bakit naman ako iiwas diba? So I held my chin up.

“Amelie” He said when he stop sa harap ko. He looked surprised upon seeing me.

Wag mong sabihing you didn’t expect seeing me. You transferred in my school.

“Jolo” I casually said

He bowed his head down and gulped.

“I know it’s been two ye-“

Before he could even say it, nilagpasan ko na siya. I will not entertain your s**t again. It’s all over and has long ended.

“Amelie” He called me and grabbed my arm. I looked at it kaya binitawan niya naman

“What?” I asked him with my confused expression

“I’m sor-“

“I’m fine Jolo. Don’t think that I’m still crying over you” I replied.

Sa ginagawa niya kasi ay parang pinapamukha niya saakin na nasaktan niya ako masyado at nasasaktan parin ako. f*****g no. I don’t have my whole time crying over someone who give me pain. That is so not me!

I looked at him directly into his eyes “Just don’t talk to me again”

“Amel-”

“Isn’t her words clear?” Karlwin cut him off

“Karlwin” I said. Medyo nagulat din ako sa presence niya. Malayo naman ang engineering building dito pero bakit nandito siya.

Jolo looked at us confused. I rolled my eyes at umalis na ulit. Ayaw kong masira ang focus ko sa pag aaral dahil sa inis ko kay Jolo.

“Who is he?” Karlwin asked me nung naabutan niya ako sa paglalakad.

“Someone ugly” I replied

He laughed “Sure he is. So stop with the long face”

I looked at him, he was smiling and it was a new thing.

I can’t help myself but to smile also. Minsan lang siya ngumiti but his smiles are contagious. Ang ganda rin kasi ng ngipin niya.

“There. He’s too ugly for your frown. Let’s eat?”

Umiling iling ako. Besides magrereview ako habang kumakain, hindi ko rin naman siya maeentertain.

“I’m with my friends”. I replied.

“Then we’ll eat with your friends.” He said at nagcross arms sa harap ko.

“They will tease me.”

He grinned at me and looked directly into my eyes.

“Then let them tease you, I’m not into hiding us.”

Tumingin ako sakanya at natawa “Us?”

“Yes, Us. I like you”

He said and I was left dumbfounded.

.

“Binaggit mo ba kay hazel si Karlwin?” I asked Zylea. Andito siya sa apartment ko at mag study daw kaming dalawa.

She looked at me confused “Hindi. I don’t remember telling her. Saka bakit ko naman kwekwento si Karlwin? Buti kung si Kuya Levi.”

Mas lalo kong ikinunot ang noo ko. Then why does hazel asked me kung kaano ano ko si Karlwin?

“Nothing, I just thought na sinabi mo”

“Saka na ako magkwekwento sa kanila kapag kayo na ni Kuya Levian” She said while flipping the pages of her notebook.

“You won’t really give up on it?” I aksed her

“Nah” she said at iniling iling pa ang ulo niya.

I sighed and go back to my notes. May dalawa pa kaming exam bukas.

“Don’t you like him?” she asked me.

“I don’t know”

“Anong I don’t know! Ikaw kala mo ang sexy mo. Ang gwapo kaya ni kuya Levay! Ang bango pa girl. Bakit hindi mo man lang bigyan kayo ng chance?”

“You know what Zylea, hindi niya naman sinabi na gusto nya ako. So wag ka munang mag assume ng chance.”

“Hello girl? Action speaks louder than word kaya”

Umiling iling ako sakanya “Eh bakit si Jolo”

“Eh yun kasi gago. Kuya Levian is such a good man. Napaka approachable tapos pogi pa.”

“Eh bakit hindi na lang kayong dalawa?” I asked her. Binato niya ako ng ng unan.

“Gaga ka ba? Oo pogi siya, pero di ko siya type. Gusto ko Moreno, parang si Dane” She said smiling at nagpa-ikot ikot sa kama ko

Hindi ko na lang siya sinagot. Ayaw ko ng humaba pa ang usapan tungkol sa gusto niyang manyare saamin ni Kuya Levian.

“Nga pala you we’re asking about karlwin, why would Hazel know karlwin? Nakita niya ba kayong magkasama?” Zylea asked.

“I don’t know” wala naman akong naalalang nakasalubong naming ni Hazel si Karlwin. Wala kaming encounter na tatlo.

She looked at me “What do you think of Karlwin, amelie?”

Nanlaki ang mata ko sa tanong niya. What do I think of him?

Starting that day na sinabi niyang gusto niya ako, natatameme ako pagnakikita ko siya o nababanggit ang pangalan niya. Hindi ko alam. After Jolo, siya palang ulit yung nagcoconfess na gusto niya ako. I think I’m also confused, simula rin kasi nung araw na yun, hindi pa siya nagpaparamdam ulit.

“I think he is err fine?” I replied at here. She was looking at me habang binabalance niya ang ballpen niya sa nguso niya.

“Hindi yun girl. What I mean is that, he is like a ticking bomb.”

“Ticking bomb?”

“Hindi ko alam, hindi ako komportable sa awra ni Karlwin, it’s like he is always moving in a planned system. Yung parang manipulated niya lahat ng nangyayare.”

“Huh?” Mas lalo akong nalito sa sinasabi niya. May pa-ticking bomb pa siya. See her other side? There are times that she is this serious talker, at madalas hindi ko siya maintindihan.

“Ewan ko girl, basta smirk niya palang, hindi na ako komportable”

“Eh ang cu-“ I creased my forehead. Ano ba tong sasabihin ko.

“Ano?”

“Wala. Magluto ka ng canton at nagugutom na ako.”

Nagpamewang naman siya sa akin

“Ay wow. Parang ikaw pa ang bisita.” She said and laughed.

Binato ko sakanya yung sticky notes ko “Sige na. Sa rice cooker na lang para madali.”

Tiningnan niya ako ng masama bago tumayo at lumabas ng kwarto ko.

Tiningnan ko ang phone ko. Wala pa rin siyang message. I think he is not serious. Besides nasa personality niya naman na hindi ka dapat maniwala sa sinasabi niya. Baka pinatitripan lang ako nun.

I sighed. Binalik ko na lang ang atensyon ko sa ag aaral. I still need to study a lot of things.