11

back to square one

chapter 18

Just as I expected,when I got home, shade was gone, sitting on my bed,my one room selfcontain became so large and empty,that is the effect of shade's absence in my life,what has just happened to me?, where did it go wrong,things went wrong the very minute I thought jide was doing better than me,the very minute I tried to be someone else, I forgot the light at the end of the tunnel in every struggle,I held on to all the challenges,all the insults, the degradings,only to lose my consolation.

Where do I start from now,I never bothered to know where she is living and I don't know who to ask,I don't think seeking for that is necessary,my bad spirit seizing the moment, I tried to warn you but let not dwell in the past,just see it as God's wish, you have always been strong,just move on and forget about her because it was never going to happen, I waited for my other me to bring in his own opinion but for the first time he didn't show up maybe he has also conceded defeat leaving me with no choice than to try and move on, maybe I was made to be this way.

Is love supposed to be this painful, so what happened to happiness, faithfulness most ladies yearn for, has the world gone that bad that every virtue has been sacrificed at alter of luxury life and money ,,love has now become expensive meant only for the rich, I thought happiness is gotten naturally but I have been very wrong,why can't I stick to my decision of staying away from women, my fear is, should I ever make it without a woman, I may never value any woman coming afterwards because nothing will ever make me believe in love as it will be obvious anyone coming came for the money I have, God please bring back shade to me or at least give me the strength to pull through. TBC