writingcamp My Punishment

Week 3 How to write the Beginning Ch. 1

Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep...

The stupid noise wouldn't stop. Why wouldn't it stop? Beep and pause. Beep and pause. It was continuous and it was driving me insane. I had been listening to this irritating beeping for who knows how long and it just keeps going on and on, over and over. No matter what I did or how hard I tried, I couldn't figure out how to shut it off. 

Actually, I couldn't even find where the noise was coming from. It sounded like it was far away and kinda almost echoing in a way. Almost as if I was trapped in a tunnel somewhere. Trapped, that sounded pretty fitting considering I couldn't see anything around me and I felt like I couldn't move either. I was trapped somewhere in a dark abyss. I felt like my eyes were open but it's all pitch black and it feels like I'm paralyzed and strapped down onto a board. 

I feel so stiff and I hurt. Oh my God, do I hurt. Why do I hurt so bad? It feels like I played chicken on the train tracks and lost. What happened to me? Why can't I remember what happened to me? Why the Hell can't I see anything?

Beep... Beep... Beep...

And will someone find whatever is beeping and bash it into a freaking pulp please? Now I understand the severity of Poe's maddening beating heart. I'm going to lose my mind. 

There's more noises, but those ones are muffled and are really hard to make out what they are exactly. They are quiet, and they have different tones so I know it's more than one type of thing that they are coming from. Those noises remind me of when your head goes under water in the tub and everything just sounds distorted. No that's not right, they are more muffled than that. So not in a tub, more like a lake when you're in too deep and you feel like you're drowning and you can hear the muffled noises, but you are too panicky to grasp onto what they are saying around you. 

Trapped. Drowning. Beep.

Trapped. Drowning. Beep.

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"Congratulations Mommy! Say hello to your beautiful baby girl!"

The nurse smiled gently and handed the 6 pound 13 ounce and 15 inch baby wrapped in a pink nursery blanket to my mother, who beamed down at her little bundle of joy with the look of utter happiness on her face. My mother was drenched with sweat and completely drained from hours of intense pain and hard labor, but none of that mattered. It didn't matter that she had been stuck in the hospital for days unable to move or eat. It didn't matter that the doctors fought to persuade her to have a c-section, and it didn't matter that when her water finally broke she had to endure another 36 hours of labor.

Being a mother was the one thing she had always wanted to be. It was the one thing she had always been certain of and she had been looking forward to it her entire life. Even if it meant long hours and little sleep, and even if it drained everything out of her; she didn't care. She was looking forward to it all. She wanted a big family where all of the little ones would run through the house covered from head to toe in whatever messy thing they could get their hands on. They would fill the house with that peaceful chaos she had longed for. 

All hopes of that had been lost a long time ago, but somehow a miracle happened. I was the miracle child that the doctor said she would never have. My mother was told at a young age that there was a chance that she wouldn't be able to conceive children, something about her blood type rejecting pregnancies. They told her that if she ever by some chance managed to get pregnant her fragile body wouldn't be able to handle the stress that a growing fetus would put on it. When she did get pregnant with me they told her my chance of survival was small at best.

She had been looking forward to this moment with nerve-wracking anticipation and now her baby was here. The child that had been using her insides as a jungle gym for the last nine months was finally here. The only thing that mattered now was that she was now the mother of the beautiful baby girl that lay safe and sound in her arms. This beautiful, precious girl, was the best thing that had ever happened to her. 

She looked up at my father and couldn't help but smile. He had this mixed look of joy and fear on his face, and the more he tried to hide it, the more it looked like it was causing him physical pain. He had wanted children too, but he wasn't nearly as ready for parenthood as my mother was. He wasn't even in the process of thinking about it yet. He wanted to wait a few years and get their lives together first; get all their ducks in a row. He didn't want to have to worry about not being able to take care of his family. It was quite a shock when life decided to throw him a curve ball and strike out all of his big plans.

He came home from work to see my mom sitting on the couch impatiently waiting for him to come home. She had been sitting there for hours; just waiting and counting down the hours until he would walk through the door so she could tell him the big news. She knew exactly what she would say and how she was going to say it. She had it all planned out; down to every word, but as soon as she heard the car engine shut off and his footsteps coming towards the door, it all faded away and she forgot the monologue she had been rehearsing for hours.

When he walked through the door and noticed her sitting all rigid and unmoving on the couch he panicked. So many thoughts ran through his mind as he began imagining the horrible events that had taken place that day and had left his wife so unnerved.

He dropped his suitcase and ran to her. "Honey, what happened? Is everything ok? What's the matter baby?" 

His outburst of questions thrust her back into reality but she just looked up at him and smiled. She couldn't help it, not when he had the look of pure horror on his face and he looked as though he was about to have a heart attack. She took his hands into hers and slowly sat hum down next to her on the couch. It was a few moments before she had even opened her mouth to speak and all the while he sat there feeling like his insides were going to explode. She could tell he was about to flip out so she quickly collected her thoughts, took in a deep breath, and began to recite her rehearsed speech.

"Honey, you know I love you very, very much. More than anything in this world, and these past few years have been the greatest in my life. Our marriage is perfect, being with you is perfect, but something has been missing."

He looked at her with a confused panic as his mind began thinking of the worst. She was leaving him. She had to be leaving him? What had he done wrong? She could see his mind whirling in every direction and she giggled. He was so amazing. How could she be this lucky and get a guy like him? She couldn't believe it, even after all of these years, that the man sitting next to her was really hers. 

"Calm down dear," she continued. "I can see you're panicking. I just wanted to tell you... gah! I had all of this figured out you know, I had the perfect way to tell you." She paused and laughed and decided to just forget the speech and spit it out. "Baby, I'm pregnant!"

She watched him as the words started to register in his mind. She was nervous and excited and a knot wound together tighter in her stomach as she waited for his reaction. He looked shocked for a moment or two and had a dumb-struck look on his face. When it finally fully sank in and he saw the tears forming in her eyes he felt the smile spread across his face. He reached out to her and wrapped her up in his arms squeezing her tightly. 

They sat there for a few moments wrapped up in their own happy bubble before he held her at arms length and looked into her eyes. Her tear stained face had never looked so beautiful. He leaned in for a kiss just as a tear slid from the corner of his eye. She could tell he was happy, even if his initial reaction said otherwise. She knew him better than himself sometimes and although his worried thoughts were running through his mind right now, she knew he really was truly happy. 

My father smiled down at my mother, knowing that they were both wrapped up in the same flashback and he leaned down to kiss her forehead gently. He beamed down at me, so small and delicate in my mother's arms, and he was awed by the fact that he helped create this perfect child. He wiped a tear from his eye and kissed my mother again murmuring into her hair sweet praises and words of adoration.

The love in that room was tangible. It was full of the love of a man and wife. Full of the love of a father in awe of his daughter. Full of the love of a mother who at that moment vowed to never let anything or anyone harm the child that lay bundled and nestled into her arms. Full of the love for a child that they had spent too long anticipating and so worried for everything to come out alright in the end. The love for a child that completed their family and they swore to love and protect for the rest of their lives.