Reaping Me Softly

Chapter 54 - Big Family

Going back was something that has never crossed my mind the moment I left my home country. The place has a lot of bad memories that I wanted to forget, and just buried them into the depths and never dig into it again. At some point, the painful past was still haunting me. I have tried to disregard it every time the pain comes back but, I just can't.  It was a bitter-sweet moment and remembering it just made me felt how harsh my life was. 

For the past years, all I thought was myself. I only recollected the way people hurt me, but I never consider this certain person's feelings that have been with me, not realizing that I have been hurting him for not thinking of his sake, despite our connections. 

Alec never made me felt like I was obliged to do the wifely duties. But I think it was unfair for him who was hurt before, but later chose to do ways that can make me happy regardless of his state. 

It was a selfless move. We were both in pain before we got married, but between us two, he was the brave one. The strong one... And I admire him for that. 

"Ready, Lia?" My heart tightened when I saw his smile. 

I chose the right decision. I wanted to make him happy even if it means going back to our country that has a lot of painful memories. 

"We're already here, Alec. There's no turning back," I told him. "They must be here. Let's go and find them..." I continued, referring to his family that offered to pick us up at the airport.

As we went out of the airplane, the familiar air welcomed me. It was hot and it had been ages since I last felt this kind of summer vibes, even the air was filled with burning passion and it brought a sultry feeling. The sense drew back a casual emotion.

Suddenly, I felt like I miss the country... Perhaps my heart was yearning to see my son right after this day. 

I miss him... It was hard but I have learned to accept that he's not going back. But I always hope to see him even in my dreams, hold him... And hear his voice, something I never got to chance to feel before.

A warm hand filled mine which made me leer at Alec. 

"I'm afraid to get lost in the crowd, so please hold my hand for a while."

Chuckling, I grip his hand. "What are you? A baby?"

"Your baby, Lia..."

"You're corny..." I shook my head. "But yes, you're still a baby. A big baby..."

His lips pouted. "I was expecting for you to claim me as your baby."

Rolling my eyes, I intertwined our fingers. A warm feeling filled my heart. 

Honestly, it was not hard to like him. Alec was someone who'd do everything to make things work, but there were things that never goes according to our plans, yes. Just like his past relationship. 

It didn't work... And throughout our marriage, he tried to make me feel that it was not bad to build a new link with someone, and this time, I know... We knew it will work if we put our hearts into handling a better and healthy relationship. 

I was not ready, but giving my heart a chance to feel again was not a bad thing either. Letting our hearts decide is not wrong. We'd like to start afresh and now, serious relationship, and I guess, the time we spent together was enough to say that we were now healed from the past involvement that didn't work out. 

Not because I wasn't ready means that I haven't moved on. I've been busy trying to build a better version of myself not just for me, but for us, too. I wanted to be better for him, someone whom he would be thankful to have as fairly, I'm grateful that he came into my life. 

Alec deserved more than the shattered me. I wanted to give him the best, and love him more. made him feel secure as he has been making me feel safe for the past years. Something I have never given to him. 

I don't want to just take and take everything he gave. I also desired to give something back that I knew would make him happy. 

"What if we make a baby for real?" My voice was serious. 

Abruptly, he let go of my hand and coughed numerous times as if he was choking on his own saliva. 

I shoot him a grin. "I mean, we're not getting any younger and so our families. Also, I think it would be great to witness a mini-me, or mini you running in the house, right?"

"Lia..." His forehead knotted. "Why are you suddenly bringing that up? And in this place?" 

Shrugging, I took his hand.

"There's nothing wrong in this place," I pointed out. "I just expressed my thoughts as of this moment and your reaction sort of offended me, Alec."

"Baby, it wasn't like that..." he assured. "But if flying and being here in the airport would make you want to have kids with me, we should have traveled before. We could have been a parent already of two or three kids now."

"You want three kids?"

"Ideally," he smirked as we continued walking, not minding these people around us. "But I want to have a big family. We're both only child and I think we shared the same sentiments of how lonely it was, so I dreamt to build a big family. The merrier, the better, right?"

"You talk as if it was easy..." I rolled my eyes.

"Baby, money is not the problem. And of course, I'm here... I wouldn't let you raise our children alone."

I smiled. Honestly, I wanted to become a mother. I always wish to be one even after losing a child. I think it was something that I wouldn't be afraid of... And also, I can see that Alec would be a great father in the whole world. Not just a child and a husband, but a father, too. 

"I guess we'll have one soon..."