All Night

Beverly

Lucille

I clean the counter and put some glasses out.

I’m fine.

I’m doing really fine.

Since I started not giving a f**k, I realized that I was running away from everything. I was running away from what I knew about my mom, from Romy, from Mason and every other small thing that made me feel uncomfortable. I don’t face my problems, I run away from them. That’s why I’m fine now because I succeeded in staying away from them. I changed my life and I changed myself. I want this. That’s why I’m fine now.

I don’t think about things anymore. I don’t think about who could be missing me or what I would be doing now, if I wouldn’t be working as a bartender in a strip club.

I’m only acting and handling the way I feel in the moment and lately I’ve been feeling like the opposite of what I used to be. I've been confused for a while because of what's been going on with me and around me, red hood, Pablo and my past, my parents and Mason but now I finally know what I want.

I don't know where this evilness is coming from but I'm sure that the nice, little girl is gone. It feels like all the weight on my shoulders fell off and left with her. The new Lucille has a plan. From now on it's all about acting. It was too easy until now. Now I'll make it hard for all of us.

I take a deep breath and put a few drinks into the freezer. When I turn around, I see Giselle and Nora walking towards me. I smile. They’re the exception. I don’t have to be mean to them.

“Hey, girly. You’re not coming? We're getting ready.” Nora says, leaning on the counter.

I thought red hood already told them about it or at least explained it but apparently he didn’t care about that either. I don't know if it's right, if I tell them but I guess I have to and it's not like I'm leaving or working somewhere completely else or he's going to kill me because I'm going to say something that's already obvious.

“Uhm... I'm leaving the stage to you from now on.” I say and smile. They frown on confusion... I bite my inner cheek. “This is my new workplace from now on.” I laugh.

Giselle's jaw drops. “Congratulations! I'm sure this'll be a lot easier for you! Hope you'll be more comfortable with this.” she gives me a huge smile and a hug.

“We'll miss you out there.” Nora says and I say “I'll be right here watching you. I'm not gone.” she hugs me and I hug her back. I back off, when I hear an annoying voice…

“Of course… She gets to f**k him and doesn't have to do the dirty jobs anymore…” Beverly says with her arms folded in front of her chest.

She got me on a very bad night. I’m not in the mood to let her mess with me like usually. I won't let her do this anymore and I was patient until now. I will be the one to start this time.

I slowly walk towards her and she looks down at me. “Are you mad because I get done so much more than you at my age?” I ask, totally calm and serious with a little sarcasm. She’s almost 24, a college dropout. Usually I would never judge people for anything or use it against them but right now I feel like doing it.

“Or because I don't have to f**k anyone to get what I want?” I’m definitely not a good person. I didn't know I could be so mean. Seems like all the years of me being polite, cute and nice were fake. Seems like everyone was right. Now I understand red hood. Being rude feels so much better. It helps to put the frustration my body carries, out to this world because if I’m frustrated, they should be frustrated as well.

This definitely shouldn't have anything to do with him. I'm only doing this for me so I can be who I want to be. I definitely don't want to be a a coward anymore and I gotta start somewhere. Defending myself could be the best start.

“Oh, look at this. She has a big mouth but can't suck a d**k for a hundred dollars.” she smirks and I can already feel my blood boiling. Now I understand red hood and his anger issues. It hits different, when everything is messed up.

Of course she gotta bring me down with this. We both take a step forwards so only inches are left between us and I smile.

“I didn't want your dad to get between us.” I say and her smile fades. It wasn't that bad but it was really funny. I start to laugh at how she looks at me because I can’t take her serious. I can’t hold my laughter in.

She clenches her jaw and I try to be serious. She takes another step towards me and our foreheads almost touch.

“Who do you think you are? Little b***h, don't think that you are something special only because you get jokers from the boss.” I know she’s pissed because she knows I can get every joker that I want…

“Y'all be acting childish! Shut up now, we're a team!” Giselle gets angry and walks towards us but I reach my hand out to stop her. I can handle this on my own.

I don't care if Beverly is way older than me. I don't know what her problem with me is but I’ll figure it out.

“I am the girl who's new here and takes your place in every way. Only a few months here and Pablo already trusts me more than you because you're only a slut but I am out there doing jobs you could never get done. I understand why you’re jealous.” I say and realize how easy it actually is to make her angry. And maybe I went too far because what I said kinda went out to everyone but it had to be said. It was meant to hurt Beverly. Only Beverly.

“Lucille, seems like you forgot that you were one of us until now, very fast...” Giselle says and I can see the disappointment in her eyes and I'm actually sorry but if this made Beverly mad, then I'm fine with what I said. Why should I be the only one getting hurt and attacked? Beverly deserves it as much as me.

She raises her hand but I grab her wrist in the air and punch her. Unfortunately I have to admit that this is not my first fight. I had my first fight at a party, where I've been with Mason and his friends…

A girl kept staring at him and started flirting with him, although I was there and she was acting like she couldn't see me. That pissed me off so I called her out and we started to argue and fought afterwards. Back then, I was really comfortable and loud. That was my first fight and I never even touched anyone else like that before but she got on my nerves…

She hit me back and made my nose bleed but his friends kept saying how cool it was that his girlfriend would do something like this for him, while he was wiping the blood from my nose and giving me ice.

He cheered me up. I remember his smile when he said 'I love it when you're jealous.'

Beverly grabs my hair and only then I realize that I was thinking about Mason. In details. I was thinking about memories… I start breathing faster with the thought of Mason. Why am I still thinking about him?

He’s dead. God damn.

Although she's pulling my hair and it hurts a lot, I use my knee to kick her right into her stomach as hard as I can. I don't know where this behavior is coming from but I’m glad it’s there. I wouldn’t want to lose a fight against her. I’m mad enough to murder her. I’ll let all my anger, that I’ve collected in the past weeks, out on her.

“What are you doing?” Nora screams, while I’m busy with punching Beverly’s temple. We must look ridiculous from the outside but I don’t care.

Just when I want to grab her hair and pull her to the ground, someone wraps their arms around me and holds me back.

“This is unfair! Let me go! I didn’t even hurt her yet!” I scream and try to reach out for her but my feet gets cut off the ground. I try to free myself until that good smelling hair with a red streak falls into my neck and tickles my cheek. I get goosebumps but that doesn’t calm me down.

He takes me away from Beverly, to the other side, where they can't even see us anymore.

“Let me down!” I scream, still totally angry.

Suddenly he lets me go and I harshly fall on the ground and almost hurt myself. That's the second time he’s doing that...

I look up at him.

“Asshole!” I scream, this time right into his face, without caring about consequences and pull my dress down. He clenches his jaw and I see how he’s fighting his inner demons to not punch me. He's really mad.

“Shut up!” he screams back. I slowly stand up. We’re both out of breath. Me because of the fight and him because he’s mad. His anger must be blocking his airways.

“What are you doing, huh?” he asks, coming closer and looking down at me. I hate that the way she looks at me still makes me nervous. I don't look up at him. I only look at his chest and try to calm down.

I know what I said to Beverly was too much and I should've just kept my mouth shut and let her do her thing but I just couldn't. She pissed me off so bad that I couldn’t hold myself back.

I can’t calm down, knowing how he's looking at me.

“Lucille. what are you doing?” he asks, softly slapping my cheek and making me look at him. I look at him and then down again. I don’t know how to answer him and even if I would know, I don’t want to talk to him.

“Go up to your room. Go up to your damn room and wait for me. I'm gonna find out what happened…” he turns around but I open my mouth.

“I'm not a little kid, you can't do that to me! You can't tell me to go up to my room!” I say, still raising my voice and he turns around so fast that I gasp. I don't even remember the last time my mom grounded me. Who does he think he is?

“I think you forgot who you are and who I am and who is telling you what to do. Watch your damn mouth. You're going to do exactly what I say. What makes you think you have the right to raise your voice at me?” he says trying to stay calm but his deep voice gives away how close he is to lose it and lets me know that I'm f****d.

I look away and keep my fists clenched.

“Now go upstairs before I f**k you until you can't walk without feeling me inside you.” he says and I swallow all the words that were already standing on my tongue, ready to be spit out.

That's exactly why the god damn hell I am like this right now. Where is the caring red hood that let me decide and choose?

This is so f****d up, I didn't expect him to make me feel like this. I didn't expect to be so hurt by what he said. So much that I turned into him.

I'm never going to understand this. He doesn't even care about my feelings or what I want or what's going on with me. He doesn't even care if he hurts me or not. I shouldn’t give a f**k about him either. Not the tiniest bit.

He can say whatever he wants. I'm done with Mason and him. I won't let him affect me anymore.

I could punch him as well but that would get me into more trouble. I don't even know what's going to happen now and I don't want to fight him because everyone knows that he is way stronger than me. I shouldn’t even think about it. I'm not even close to his strength level so I need to shut up for now.

He turns around and I stomp my food on the ground and walk upstairs, hearing him say “b***h if you-...” he doesn't continue his sentence so I walk as fast as I can.

Toni

“She said what?” I ask, looking eyes wide open at Giselle, while Nora is helping Beverly with her bleeding nose.

It’s not like this is the first fight that dancers in this club had but they usually get along really well. So what the f**k is wrong with this girl? Why is she saying these things and doing that stuff? All of a sudden? Is she on her period?

She was totally fine. when I left her last night. Something is going on with her and no matter what's gonna happen, I’m not going to deal with her moody ass.

“I don't understand it. She was totally fine just a few seconds ago and usually she doesn't let Beverly bother her but this time… Something is different with her.” Giselle is really pissed. I understand that because she is the peace of this team.

“Usually?” I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. She sighs. “Yeah… Beverly keeps messing with her all the time but she's been really patient until now…” she says and I raise a brow at Beverly.

This all is so childish, I think I'm really going to go back to the old missions and let Pablo do this with someone else.

“I'll handle that and Beverly… I'll deal with your ass later but if I hear you say a word to her again, you're dead…” I give her a death stare. She looks away.

She's literally messing with a sixteen years old. Why? That's stupid and unnecessary.

I can't believe the things Lucille said. They are nothing like her. I never thought things like these would come out of her mouth. When Giselle told me about what she said and what she did, I thought she was talking about somebody else. That can’t be Lucille.

If she's gonna have an attitude from now on, then I can promise her she won't keep it for too long. I'm sure she won't like it but I have my limit and only because of what I feel or what happened between us, I won't let her do this s**t.

She can't talk about Pablo or anything else like that. Who does she think she is? They're all equal here. She's nothing better.

Lucille

I am sitting on my bed and waiting for him to come and yell at me for something unnecessary. I still didn’t get myself back together but I know the things I've said.

I shouldn't have said anything like that to any of the other ones that I actually like but I don't regret hitting Beverly. That was nothing and he can't be angry at me for that.

She deserved it and he's fighting too. Nobody's saying anything. He gets aggressive really fast so he can't tell me to calm down. I’ve learned it all from him.

Yes, right now I am afraid of him because I know that when he gets angry, he won't even care about what happened between us or what I feel or anything else. He sees red.

Right now, I'm nothing in his eyes and we're only pushing us away from each other like this… Wasn't that what he wanted?

I hear the door opening. I stay with my arms crossed in front of my chest, looking out of the window across from me. He closes the door and walks towards me. I shouldn't be acting like this but I will.

I'm really annoyed and tired of never being allowed to decide what I want, how I feel or how I should act because I never know how everything around me is going to change and what's going to happen. Whenever I think I'm going to understand it or him, he changes and so does everything else and I get confused...

“What is wrong with you? I heard what you said. What do you think you are doing?” he asks and seeing how furious he is makes me even angrier.

There's also a little disappointment in his voice but I overhear that. I should ask him what’s wrong with him. The first second he likes me and the second he tells me that we should keep a distance between us.

Why is he doing this? Why is he confusing and messing me up? Of course he doesn't know me like this. He didn't expect me to be so rude and disgusting. I didn't either but it's his fault. He was the only one that I had and that made me feel loved and he took that feeling away from me.

I look at the ground but still don't turn around to him. I don't want to face him right now. I'm already busy with myself and I really don't want to be more confused. So I just don't answer him, knowing that will make him more angry.

“Do you think acting like this will help you in any way? You can't talk so easily about Pablo or me!” he raises his voice. I know that was wrong. Really wrong.

“I gave you way too much freedom and space. He was right. You both were right. This went too far and I have to punish you.” he says and I look at him. eyes wide open with a dropped jaw.

“Punish me? How-…? You can't do that! I'm not nine years old anymore!” I look up at him with furrowed eyebrows. He slowly nods and I know that it’s not a good sign.

“You're still talking nonsense. You're being a little brat. Either I'm going to f**k it out of you or I'm going to kill you and since I can't do both right now, I won't do anything.” he says. He knows very well what he’s doing with his words...

I furrow my eyebrows. He's calmer than I thought he would be but I am not.

“You're talking about f*****g me all the time. Why won't you just do it?” I ask, raising a brow and shrugging. He comes closer. What is going on in his head and what is he planning? Sometimes his eyes are so empty but so full at the same time that I can't figure out what he's going to do the next second.

“If I hear you say such things ever again or see that you’re acting like this, then you'll see the dark side of the moon…” he says and my jaw drops. Did he just… Did he just call himself moon and did he…

I’m shocked... I don't know what I could say or how I could respond now. I have to let it sink but before I can do that, I get this weird feeling that I can't explain…

“You ain't gonna leave this room for a while.” he says and I quickly shake my head. I hold my breath, when he walks towards the door and grabs the keys. This is such a huge Déjà-vu...

I feel like I can't move. The last time this happened didn’t end well. It’s been so long. The first night… My heart starts racing….

“You can't do this to me… Not anymore.” I say disappointedly and walk towards him.

He closes the door behind him and before I can even try to open it, I can hear how he locks it from the outside. I stop in front of it and start breathing heavily. I get flashbacks and they make me panic.

This is how he's going to punish me? This is how he's going to do nothing? This is stupid, ridiculous, god damn childish and messed up.

I scream and punch the door.

“I f*****g hate you so much!” I scream, knowing very well that he heard me. I don't even hate him. I hate myself. I'm only mad at myself for always messing everything up and never knowing what to do.

I walk over to my desk and throw everything on it down. I kick my chair away and grab the sheets from my bed and pull them down as well. He brought me another mental breakdown.

When I stop and try to catch my breath, I get hit by a gust of wind that's coming from the opened window.

I look at it.

The third floor.

I could still make it. I'm a cheerleader. I should remind myself of that more often.

There are grids I could hold onto.

He thinks he can control me but he doesn't know that I'm not afraid of the darkness anymore.