All Night

Feast

Lucille

He pushes me into my room.

I fall on the ground and try to catch my breath.

My knees hurt, my ankles hurt, my legs my arms, my throat, my face. Every damn body part hurts so much right now but what hurts the most is my heart.

I watched how Tyler got hit by that car and I know I’ll never forget it. My mind will never erase these images.

“I'll bring your meal later.” Hugo says and locks the door behind him when he leaves. Am I in prison now?

Is he going to be my ‘guardian' from now on? I can only ope that he's not because he's not like red hood. He's huge and fat and ugly. He's like almost fourty, mean and harsh. He doesn't care. Even less than red hood.

I'm sure that he doesn't even know what the word 'feeling' means. I didn't catch him change his mimic once. I don't want to be with him.

I want to be with red hair and rip his heart out and fight him until he bleeds, although he's stronger and he'll stop me but I'll find a way. But at the same time I really hope to not see him again. I can’t stand him. Not anymore.

I don't want to see his damn face ever again. I don't want to see his red strand of hair, I don't want to see anything that has something to do with him. I've never hated anybody so much. I’ve never felt pain for anybody.

I stand up and clean the dust from my bare knees and realize that they're bleeding. “s**t…” I rush towards the bathroom and see myself in the mirror. This is another way to get a heart attack.

I look like I survived the craziest MMA fight ever.

I take off my clothes and hop into the shower, hoping to feel a bit better or to make my muscles feel less damaged.

I'm still shaking and I can't stop thinking about Tyler. My tears are faster than the water that flows down my body. I get weak. I sit on the floor of the shower because I can’t hold onto anything and cry my eyes out. This all only happened to him because of what I’ve done and he doesn’t even know it.

Capo was serious with what he said and did. He has no mercy. Even the smallest mistake could kill them. I can't let them get hurt...

I'm going crazy with the thought of his death because of me. I would never forgive myself. Does he even realize how crazy what he has done actually is? Does he even knows how he hurt me with this? People like him don’t care…

I get a panic attack in the steamy shower and get out before I drown.

Good, I'm doing whatever he wants from me again and I'm not going to run away. I’m doing this for Tyler and dad.

I know he's serious and I’m not going to risk their lives ever again only because I feel like being mean to red hood. How didn’t I think about him when I ran away? Did I really think he would leave my family alone? This should've happened at the beginning...

I feel like I'm totally new here and getting punished. Like everything is starting all over again. I really don't want this but I need to be patient. I need to control myself and not think about Tyler or anything else that could make me totally weak...

Anything that could hurt me even more and make me wanna kill myself.

He wants me to be a good girl again… I will be a good girl again. I never even succeeded in being bad…

If they won't tell me how Tyler is doing, then I'll lose my mind but for now there's no point in freaking out because I can't do anything to help him.

I can't do s**t and that's what I hate the most.

I clean my messy room because everything is the way I left it. Then I walk towards the windows with big hopes and open the curtains. My hopes fade with what I see. There are bars on the outside. I can’t believe it. When did they manage to weld it? Probably while I was sitting in Pablo’s office for hours.

This is officially prison to me. They are literally taking away my freedom and every piece of life that I have left. I can’t let them get to me. I can’t allow them to mess with my head again.

When I hear someone opening the door, I close the curtains as fast as I can and sit down on my bed like nothing happened. Hugo walks in with a tray with food. I’m locked up and I'm sure it'll be like this for a while…

He walks towards me and leaves it next to me. I keep leaning on the headboard. He looks at me. I look at him.

“Eat.” he says but I shake my head. I'm not going to touch it. I’ve lost all the appetite I had.

“Tell me how Tyler is.” I say with furrowed eyebrows. He saw it too and I'm sure he knows something. He can't hide it from me. He has to tell me because I have a right to know it. I did what they said. Now it’s their turn to cooperate.

Although I'm afraid to ask because I'm afraid of the answer, I ask him again.

“How is Tyler?” my voice is shaking. He sighs. Then he shakes his head and leaves again. God damn. I'm sure he's not allowed to talk to me about that.

I definitely won't touch my food. I won't even move. I don't want to move. I don't want to do s**t. Until I know how Tyler is doing, I'm not going to move an inch. They can't expect me to do anything after what I saw.

So I just lean back and stare at the wall, thinking about what I'm going to do soon…

Grayson

“Dude, how the hell did this happen?” I ask Tyler.

It's nine am. I've waited until he got out of the surgery. Then I waited until he woke up. Then I waited until he could talk. His dad is also here.

He was just on his way to me, when a damn car hit him. How could that even happen? It’s crazy.

I was waiting for him and he just didn't come so I called him and his dad answered the phone, telling me he’s in the hospital.

I thought I didn't hear right. When I saw him with my own eyes, I was totally shocked and I thought I lost my mind.

Now he's in font of me with a broken arm, a broken leg, a few broken ribs and a few scratches and wounds. God protected him.

Worse could've happened but he's still alive and I'm so thankful that he's okay.

“I have no clue but I'm sure it was on purpose.” he is totally exhausted and sleepy. He's still not really stable. He's still sleeping but he said he'd be able to talk and report because the police would come and ask him about it.

He seems angry. His dad is really upset. I can see how much this man is struggling.

“I was so happy to see you but not like this…” I say and shake my head. He looks at me and smiles a little bit. As much as he can.

Then he lifts his arm that's not broken and says “Welcome back bro.” his crooked smile makes me smile as well. I shake his hand…

“Thanks.” feel so bad for him. I don't understand it.

He's such a good guy but bad things are chasing him. They keep happening to him. He doesn't deserve any of this.

They said he would have to stay for a week and after that he could go back home but he’ll still have to deal with the casts. I actually wished to spend my time differently with him. But he said that he's sure someone did this on purpose. Who could want to hurt him? I'm sure that this dude doesn’t have any enemies. This is messed up.

Someone knocks on the door and some police officers walk in. His dad and I stand up.

Tyler looks like he's going to faint. He's still very tired and sleepy. They gave him too many medication...

Lucille

I don't know what time it is but the sun is setting and I didn't touch my third meal today.

Hugo always comes and brings me some, hoping that I'll eat and takes it back with him, when he comes to pick it up, seeing that it's gone cold without being moved.

He still won't tell me how Tyler is. That means I won’t eat.

I'm being stubborn and I don't care about that. I'm only asking myself for how long they'll keep me inside.

Toni

“For how long are we going to keep her inside?” I ask him and he takes a deep breath. “For a long time.” he answers and I slowly nod.

I don't know if I should be mad at Lucille for running away, at myself for being a little fraud or because I'm so confused again.

I'm so f****d up.

I mean at the end this is my job, this is my life and Lucille is only a part of it. She can't change that much in my life or make any difference about it. One day she'll either leave or we'll get tired of this whole game... She can't just try to run away. Especially not from me.

Does she think this is easy for me? Does she think it is easy to always make her happy and then upset her again? Or how it is for someone like me to trust anybody? Or to love anybody…

I'm scared of getting hurt as well. I don't show it but I don't know what to do. I'm hurting us both and that needs to stop.

I run my hand over my face and let my head fall back. I'm really tired. I'm really tired of this all. I don't know what to do. My feelings keep confusing me, although I should never let that happen to me.

“What is going on with you, son? I'm not used to see you like this. Totally unfocused and agitated… Troubled.” he says. “Uh… Yeah. I don't feel so good. I'm a little… Exhausted.” I say and shake my head.

There's so much going on in my head that I can't explain. Especially not to him.

“You went through a lot. Take a break.” he says and I look at him, eyes wide open. A break? I don't remember the last time I took a break. I've always been by his side.

“Are you sure?” I really need this break. I could never say no to this. No matter how much I'd love to but I just can't.

He nods. “Definitely. You deserve this.” he says and I take a deep breath. I run my hands through my hair. This feels so good. Knowing that I don't have to do anything for a while. Knowing that I can breathe.

“Take this.” he says and pulls out a small package from under his table. He smirks when he pushes it towards me.

“You could need this.” he says. I smirk back. I really could need this. And again, I realize that nothing can top cocaine.

Just when I want to stand up, his phone rings and he gives me a sign to stay. So I lean back again and watch him..

“Is there a problem Hugo?” he asks and my heart skips a beat. My heart shouldn't do that anymore when it comes to her. It should keep beating regularly but knowing that it could be something about her makes me give him all my attention.

I shouldn't care and just act like she is somebody else. Everyone on this planet but not Lucille. Like there's no difference between her and the others… Although there are so many huge differences…

I shake my head.

“She isn't eating and wants to know how Tyler is…” he says and I look at him. He frowns.

“She loves her family too much. That's why she's always losing…” he says through his teeth.

That's not true. I hate my family. And? Am I always winning?

“Tell her how he is so she stops acting like this and force her to eat.” he says and hangs up. I look away. This situation bothers him. Not as much as me but it does.

I don't know how to feel. Maybe I shouldn't feel anything. That could be better for us. For all of us. Even he realized that I'm not really fine. Only for a while…

“Oh and don't think that I haven't noticed the thing with Lucille. You've been too soft. If you get your s**t together, you can go back to her. Don't get me wrong, I could use any other guy for this but I trust you the most. Don't disappoint me.” he says, totally seriously and I nod.

Lucille

I start to cry when he tells me about Tyler. My heart is hurting and full of regret. Who knows what he is going through and how awful he must feel right now only because of me? I feel like throwing up.

“Now eat.” he says but I shake my head again and wipe my tears away. How does he expect me to eat after hearing this? Does he think that I will celebrate it with eating?

Suddenly he grabs my arm and pulls me on my feet. My wet eyes widen.

“You are going to eat, do you understand me?” he asks angrily and makes me go down on my knees. I scream when I pulls my hair and bends down to shove the spoon into my mouth.

I try to keep my mouth closed but he forces me to open it. He grabs my mouth and makes me eat, while I try to free myself. I've never felt like this before. This is another form of disgust.

I spit what he got into my mouth out again but he hits my face against the tray and I groan in pain. My face is covered with the hot soup that's burning my skin.

I can't breathe or stop crying. I try to hit him with my elbow because I'm drowning in food right now but he rams the fork in my hand and I scream so loud that the whole street probably hears me. I pull it out when he backs off and watch my hand bleeding.

I lean my back against the bed and keep crying hysterically. Another moment that makes me thankful for being with red hood until now. Compared to Hugo, he was always so patient and caring.

He was always taking me out and making me laugh sometimes. Even when he lost his mind sometimes. He would never do this to me. Well... I'm not even sure about that anymore.

Hugo murmurs something and leaves. I keep crying and try to stand up somehow my knees get so weak that I can’t… I think I need to take another shower…