All Night

Strangers

Lucille

After almost two weeks of staying inside my room, mostly on my bed, being forced to eat and fighting with Hugo all the time, I'm so pissed and done that I really don't have any life or energy left anymore.

I can't fight or do any of this anymore. This is way more exhausting than all the things I've done with red hood until now. Obviously I was really lucky these past months. Actually it was more than luxurious with red hood.

I didn't have to do much, nobody ever really hurt me physically, I was calm and comfortable and now everything is the opposite and that's stressing me out a lot.

I'm so done that I don't feel anything. Hugo helped me to become numb. Really numb. I'm only thankful that Tyler is alive. That's the only thing that keeps me going... I rub my eyes and get out of my bed.

I need to get ready for nothing. I didn't leave my room for so long… Even considering this room as mine feels weird lately. This all is still so crazy but from now on I won’t fight back.

I need to stop acting like a freak. That doesn't mean that I'll give up but I need to be more calm and patient. I need to keep doing this because it's actually happening and I saw what happens, when I don't do what they say. I won't do that to Tyler ever again...

I need to get myself back together and start to do something. I need to cooperate but keep my own head.

Grayson

I'm visiting Tyler today. He's out of the hospital and way better than he's been before. His ribs hurt sometimes when we laugh but it's worth it. I'm going to stay for a few days to help him and his dad.

Tyler can't really do much by his own yet and his dad isn't feeling really good either. The death of his little sister really destroyed him. He told me that his dad is barely talking or being himself and that he can't even recognize him anymore. That's sad. I feel bad for them and I wish I could do something to help.

Obviously she was the sunshine of this family. He's still not talking about what exactly happened but I'm trying my best to cheer him up somehow and mostly it's working. I'm really asking myself what kind of girl she was and how this happened to her.

I exit his room to get him some water. It's really late and he woke up, totally thirsty. I walk along the hallway and stop, when I see her door... He said this would be her room.

I walk towards it.

I know it's not locked. I could actually enter it and find out more about her. Somehow I feel like there's a connection that I can't explain. It's weird. She's a mystery for me and I want to know more about her.

I'm so curious, I put my hand on the doorknob. There's so much I want to know about her and I don't even know why.

I pull my hand back again and look at the door. This I wrong. I could never do that to Tyler. I won’t invade their privacy. I could never walk into the room of his dead sister, without letting him know or asking him. I don’t think he would want that. And it's her privacy. I should stop thinking like this.

I walk down to get Tyler's water.

Lucille

When I stand in front of my shelf to look what book I'm going to read for the third time, I hear the door opening behind me.

I'm really tired of this game so I don't turn around and just shake my hand in the air.

“You can put it on my desk. I'm really tired of fighting, Hugo. Don't worry, I'll eat.” I say, turning a few pages, reading the underlined sentences for the fifth time.

I sigh and close the book. I'm really tired of this. I can't fight him anymore. I lost some weight and some brain cells. My skin feels dry and my hand still hurts. The last time he rammed a fork into my hand and I applied pressure immediately. The mark is still there and it always will be. I shiver with the thought of the moment it happened.

“You're fighting him?” a known voice asks.

I lift my head up immediately and put the book back.

My hart aches.

It’s you.

Why is he here? He has nothing to do here. My blood starts boiling again and my hands are shaking of anger. I clench my jaw and my fists. My hand hurts even more now but I don’t care. I hoped so bad to not see him again and now he's back again. Now he's here. How dare he?

I turn around and look at him. I wish I wouldn't have done that.

He changes every time. whenever I don't see him for a while. He still manages to make my heart drop. I hate him for that. Seeing him feels like getting stabbed in my heart again. Feels like I'm bleeding again. I hold my breath, hoping I’ll faint or die so I can skip this moment.

I just look away.

“If you don't have any food, you can leave.” I say with my voice that carries a lot of anger and hatred in it. I can’t hide it.

I said that because he really didn't bring me any food and I can't wait until Hugo comes and sees him here.

“You want me to leave?” he asks seriously.

Is he stupid?

I wish he would go way.

I wish he would disappear.

Exit my life. But this started with him and he's a big part of it... Unfortunately.

Why is it so hard to be mad at him? Why do these feelings get confused with pain? Why can't I hate him with my whole hard?

Because he gave me that unique feeling that nobody else ever gave me? Because he made me feel good, even in the worst situations? Because he gave me the feeling of being safe and protected in danger? Because he killed my past and gave me the chance to start all over again, although I ruined that chance with a bad start? Because I know he is ready to kill and die for me, even if it’s only his job Because I feel like I need to do something for him in return? I don't know. Maybe all of these. Maybe it’s only the way he looks at me. Maybe it’s the red streak in his hair. Maybe the way he walks, breaths or talks.

“Does Pablo know you're here?” I ask crossing my arms in front of my chest. He takes a deep breath. “Since when did we switch places? Since when do you have the right to ask things that I need to answer?” he asks. I hate this but I won't let him bring me down so fast.

“Since you've been a fraud.” I answer and walk past him but he grabs my arm and pulls me close. My eyes meet his lips but I look up immediately, while he already looks down at me...

I try to shake him off but his grip is too tight. “I'm not a fraud.” he says. He sounds like he has to protect his honor.

I know exactly that he hates liars, frauds and betrayers the most and I want to hit him where it hurts him the most. Fighting him with his own weapons will be the only way to reach him.

“You are. Everything you said was a lie... You told him about Romy. You told him about every damn thing that I talked to you about... All the moments were unreal.” my voice is shaking and I hate that it gives away how hurt I am.

“What did you expect? He's my boss. Did you think I'd keep your secrets? Did you think I'd choose you over him? Did you think we would be friends? Or even more?” he asks and I feel my heart bleeding again.

That bastard is only alive to hurt me.

“I did expect you to be human like and keep my secrets, my bad. But you didn't tell him about your part. About what you've done. You made it look like it was all me. You only talked about me! What would he do if he'd know the whole truth?” I ask him and he smirks.

“Do you think he would believe me or a stupid brat who tried to run away and betray him? It's about loyalty.” he is totally proud of himself and sure that he would never trust me.

My heart breaks.

I try to free myself again but he pulls me even closer.

“Why are you even here?” I start breathing heavier and faster. My eyes start burning and I know that my tears are close... I can't believe him. The things he says sound like there has never happened anything between us.

I actually hoped that he would say something else but he made the smallest piece of hope and love in me disappear. The only piece that survived.

He called me stupid. He told me that I should never call myself like that again because I'm not.

He made me compliments.

He made me believe in every word.

He only used me and made me believe him so he could find out everything that he needed about me.

I feel like crying. He’s not who I thought he was. Not even close to who I wanted him or imagined him to be. I'd say it's breaking my heart but there’s nothing left to be broken.

At this point I’m not even surprised anymore. He showed me that he is capable of doing everything. He switches up too fast for me to keep up.

“That's none of your business. I can do whatever I want…” he quietly whispers, sliding his fingertip gently over the little wound on my forehead that I got from Hugo.

I don't understand how he's saying something that hurts me and makes it feel so good.

“Why are you acting like this. You could never resist me. I know you couldn't…” his arrogant smile makes me want to punch him and punish him until he apologizes to me for everything he has done...

If it keeps going like this. then I'll probably ask Hugo to ram the fork into my eyes next time.

“I can. Especially when you let me fall every damn time.” I say and he slowly shakes his head. “You don't know how many times I saved and picked you up...” he says. I do know. Maybe even more than I think..

But that doesn't matter because he betrayed me. He was the only one who I had and he ruined it.

“You don't know how many times you made me believe in you and that you would have a good heart. How many times I saw your soul but never said something because I wanted you to live it…” I look straight into his eyes. His smirk fades and he furrows his eyebrows again. I can see how his facial expression slowly changes.

“You are the one who doesn’t know how many times you made me feel something and I know you felt something too. I knew you meant it but then you turned into a coward again... A coward who’s afraid to stick to one character.” I know these words reach the deep ground of his heart.

“You can't make me believe in things and let me feel things that aren't true. You can't make me feel good and comfortable and take this all way from me later.” now my voice is really shaking.

“If you wanted information, you could've just asked me or forced me, instead of destroying me and wasting your time for so long.” if I'm going to continue, I'm definitely going to cry. There was no need to make me believe in him, only so he could get what he wants.

“But I forgot… You are just like the other ones.” I say and finally free myself because I realize that he froze. His grip loosened. I'm done with him. He’s nothing to me.

I said what I had to say and I won't let the things he says hurt me anymore. I’m tired of trying to find myself over and over again.

I sit down on my bed and don't look at him but say “Don't worry. This never happened. Nothing between us has ever happened. Nothing. I already knew that I didn't know s**t about you but now you can be sure that I’ve never even met you. We don't know each other. We're strangers.” I’m sure he can hear the anger in my voice. My mouth is spitting fire. Each of these words are burning my lips.

Silence. I'm waiting for him to leave or say something or freak out or anything close to something I either would or wouldn't expect from him but this silence is really bothering me. Knowing he’s still here makes me feel uncomfortable.

“You may don't know me but I know you so well. I can tell how you feel, even from the way you breathe...” he says and I stand up immediately, with tears in my eyes.

“If you know that, how do I feel now, huh?” I raise my voice. “How do I feel, when someone keeps giving me hope and makes feel loved, only to find out that none of it was real? When that person suffocates all these beautiful things with simple words?” my chin is shaking and I’m sure that I look really ugly right now.

“Stop confusing me. Stop messing with me! Do you know how f****d up I am because of you? I’m tired of the up and downs and your mood swings! I’m tired of your insecure ass that doesn’t know what it wants!” I snap and a few tears roll down my cheek.

“You don't know anything. You think you do but you don't. You’re not almighty. You don't know what you're doing to me and you don't even care. But that's you and I'm exhausted so please leave me alone.” I say and sit back down, turning my back to him...

The tears silently roll down my face, until I hear his boots softly hitting the ground, making me wanna turn around and stop him, with every step he takes towards the door but I just can't because it's over, although it never started and I can't take a step back anymore.

If he can't decide what he wants it's not my fault and I can't do anything about that. It’s not my problem Either he likes me or he doesn't but it can't go like this. He’s only playing with me

Either he hates me or he likes me.

There can't be something between that. The fact that he knows me so well, though pisses me off because to me he's really not more than a stranger anymore. And he’ll always be one.

I'll never know more about him than I thought I did. There's no hope anymore. I don't know why he came and why he left but this made everything clear. I'm sure he came to hurt me. He succeeded once again but at least he leaves me alone now...

I think I actually need help. I'm not going to beg anybody to help but I think I need professional help because I don't know how to deal with this anymore.

I actually need his help. I need anybody's help. Doesn't matter who it's going to be..