A Tale Beyond Destiny

Chapter 18: The First Time (Caliana)

I could not help but to let out a loud and disappointed sigh when I received the text message that Caleb had sent to me. He said that he would come home late, which was unusual for him, and somehow, I could not help but to think of so many possibilities as to why he needed to come home late.

After all, even though I could see that he felt bad about going home late, I could not help but think that he just wanted to avoid me, just like what he had been doing these past few days. He just wanted to have a reason so that he would not be able to see me, because, after all, I knew that he was trying to minimize the time that he would look at me, and somehow, it hurt inside of me.

It hurts so much, even though I did not know why I have been feeling like that. I knew that it was not just a simple disappointment because he was trying to avoid it. I knew that it was more than that, but even though that was the case, and even though I wanted to find a deeper meaning than what I had thought I had feeling whenever he tried to go away from me, I did not have any proper answer, or proper explanation, for what I had been feeling after all this time.

Whenever he was not around, when he was in his office or work, or whenever he was in a different room in the house, I tried to wrack my brain as to why I had been hurting too much, as to why I had been acting too strange, whenever I would catch him trying to turn away from. I tried to think of something, almost all of the knowledge that I knew all this time, but then again, I still could not find the truth about it.

I felt so bad, and it hurts so much to think that I did not even know the real reason why he tried to avoid me. After all, just weeks ago, we were just fine, and I think that I should take note that he even invited me to that dinner, but then, after that, everything had changed.

He tried his best to avoid me. After that dinner, he did not look at me for a long time anymore. He did not even try to have a long conversation with me, not like we used to do whenever he came home. He would come home late, though not as late as this time. Above it all, whenever we were in the same room, he would try to make an excuse so that he would not be able to be with me for such a long time.

At first, I thought that it was because of what happened at the dinner that we had at that restaurant, but then again, everything was just fine when that day happened, even the best if I was asked. Then suddenly, I thought that maybe, just maybe, Caleb had finally realized that I was not really worthy of his trust; though it may sound so absurd given that he just confessed to me how thankful he was that it was me who managed to make him trust, fully, again.

I tried to think of the reason once again, even though I knew that I would not be able to think of anything, but then again, I realized that there might be more than what I thought it was, and Caleb just did not want to tell me because maybe, he was still uncomfortable about that topic.

Maybe I should just let him think about it first, then wait for him to tell me what has been the cause of his actions lately? It might sound so great, but I knew that it would be hard, and I did not think that Caleb would really open up to me anymore. The irrational part of my mind kept on telling me that this might be the end of whatever the two of us had, and it might not return in the same way any longer, and somehow, somehow, I did not want that to happen.

I did not want to leave him, or should I see whatever we had right now, I did not want it to go to waste just because of a misunderstanding on both sides. I did not want our friendship to go to waste just because we decided to avoid each other. I did not like the idea of acting like we were just a mere stranger, and not someone who became so close in a short span of time.

I knew that I was overthinking. I knew that these negative thoughts were too much. I knew that this would not lead to something really good, but then again, just like what I had said earlier, I could not help but to get drowned with thoughts, a negative one that is. I could not help but to think and think, and I almost hated myself because of that.

I let out a sigh as I stood up from the couch where I sat earlier, when I received that text from Caleb. Then, I went to the kitchen to cook something, or maybe, to eat something light, because I did not think that I had an appetite to eat a full-course meal as of that moment. Maybe I should just drink some coffee, or eat a simple sandwich, because really, I did not have any appetite.

I knew that it was a bad decision not to eat anything, but who cares? No one would be able to know that I did not eat anything. No one would care about me, and I did not think that Caleb would really find out that I had not eaten, because, after all, he was not around his house and I did not think that he would go home any minute from now.

I stared at nothing in particular as I waited for the water to boil, and as I was doing so, I could not help but to think again. Even though I knew that it would just cause me pain, and even though I knew that it would just make me get drowned with my negative emotions, I still could not help but to think and think once again.

Honestly, I did not know why I had been so affected just because Caleb was trying to avoid me. After all, I have grown accustomed to the way that people constantly avoid me for who I was. It almost got to the point that it was not as if they were trying to say that I was the heir of the throne, but because I was some kind of monster that they should be feared of. It was as if the people of Asphodel were trying to avoid me, because of the things that I could do to them, even though I clearly did not plan to do any of that.

I was accustomed to that, people trying to turn their backs on me once they knew my identity. They would try to change the way they treated me just because I am Caliana, the crown princess of Asphodel. And even the head of the maids and guards in the palace was trying to avoid me, because of the fear that they might lose their work, and maybe lives, once they had done something that was not right in my Father’s eyes; even though I already assured them that it was just alright, but nonetheless, it was not enough to persuade them to not avoid me. To be a prank, it was even the cause why they shied away from me.

What I was trying to point out, even though I was constantly trying almost everything that I think I could do so that they would stay in my life, they would still find an excuse so that they would be able to avoid me, completely. In the end, they would just act as if I was a mere stranger to them, and no one else. And somehow, I could not help but to think about what had been happening to Caleb.

Even though I wanted to make him stay, he still found a reason to avoid me. Even though I wanted to be with him, he still tried his best to turn away from me. Even though I tried my best not to do anything so st*pid, he still had found a reason not to talk to me. And it hurts me, for real.

I let out a sigh as I prepared the coffee that I think I needed, and that I thought was the only thing that I would be able to consume as of the moment, and again, I knew that it was not healthy to drink a strong black coffee at this kind of hour, but really, I did not care about it any longer. I just did not have any appetite, and I did not think that I would be able to eat any solid food as of that moment.

I even forced myself to drink it, even though I did not think I would be able to do it. Then, I reluctantly went to the living room so that I would be able to take a seat, and to find something that I would be able to do to pass the time, and to remove those negative thoughts inside of my head.

I tried to find something to watch, and yes, Caleb had thought about how to use a television too, but I could not find anything that would interest me, so I just resorted to watching what they call a documentary show, even though I found it so boring, so that I would be able to fill the deafening silence that covered the whole house.

Somehow, it was too lonely here. Maybe because Caleb was not around, and I had grown accustomed to the fact that he was always there to fill up the gap that I always thought I had. I have been so used that I would see him whenever I would look around the place, and I was so used to the way he would try and initiate a talk between the two of us, just because he found the show we were watching too boring for his taste.

I smiled, so bitterly, because I never thought that I would feel this way and it was all because of him. I never thought that it would hurt so much just because someone, a man that I had just met, decided to go away from me, and avoid me after all the we have been through.

I let out a sigh as I lay down on the couch below me; the coffee that I made was long forgotten and was now getting colder and colder as the minutes had gone by. I did not give any single care about anything around me any longer. I just let myself get drowned with thoughts, too many negative thoughts that is.

I did not know how long I had been that way. I did not know how long I had been staring at nothing in particular, but then, I do know that I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard that someone was trying to open the main door of Caleb’s home. That made me sit up from where I sat, and the growing excitement inside of me was so evident just because I thought that it was already Caleb who was on the other side of the door.

I tried to be vigilant though. I tried to prepare myself as soon as I stood up from where I had lay earlier, and I went to the door to open it. I tried to be cautious, because this was the first time that I ever heard that he took such a long time to open his own door, or if he was really the person on the other side of the door.

I knew that I should be careful now, whoever it is, or if ever, it was not really him. I knew that I needed to do something, to protect myself, and to protect his house, to that ‘someone’ on the other side of the door. After all, I needed to make sure that something would not go wrong, right?

And so, I braced myself for whoever I would meet outside of that door, but then, the moment that I finally opened it, I did not expect to see Caleb, who seemed like he had done something because of how disheveled he looked, and he even fell down on me the moment that I opened the door, and I think that was too hard for him because it seems like he was leaning on it a while ago.

My reflexes got the better of me. I immediately wrapped my arms around him so that he would not fall down, and to my shock, he also wrapped his arms in my waist as if he had mistaken that I was hugging him.

“Caleb?” I called his name as many emotions started to swirl up into my mind; my heart beat so fast like never been before, and it even went crazy when I felt that his grip on my waist tightened as if he did not want to let me go.

“Caliana,” he said, a failed attempt to greet me so casually, and I knew that I had never imagined the hiccup that I heard from him.

That was the moment that I smelled him, and I almost pushed him away, not because of the way he tightened his hold once again, but because of the sudden smell of an alcoholic beverage. And it hits me, for real, that he drank way too much, and this was the aftermath of it; and I knew, even though I never saw him get drunk before, that this was a very bad situation for him, and also for me.

“Is this why you told me you were going home so late?” I asked him, and I stopped myself from making a vomiting sound because of how dizzying it was to smell the alcohol from him. “Did you just get drunk?”

I heard him let out a sheepish smile, and I did not let him cage me in his arms any longer. I forced him to look at me, and I could not stop myself from frowning and glaring at him when I saw that he was grinning from ear to ear as he was staring at my face.

“You are so beautiful, Caliana.” I let out a sigh, and tried to act so stern so that he would not grasp that it affected me when he said that. I tried my best to give him a serious look, but he just laughed as he caressed my cheek. “Even when you look so mad, you are still so beautiful.”

“You know?” He hummed at me, though I doubt that he could focus on what I was about to say, but I said it nonetheless. “You needed to get a rest and sober up for a bit, if you can do it.” He pouted at me, and I could not stop myself from letting out a sigh because he was acting like a child. “I will help you, and also, you needed to get out of those clothes and I do not think that you will be able to do that all by yourself.”

I did not bother to listen to whatever he was about to say anymore. I did not even give any single care about how he suddenly flashed me a knowing smile, because really, I think that I could slap him on the face just so he would sober up, even for a bit.

We went to his room, and I pushed him on the bed and made him sit there. I did not pay any attention to him anymore as I went inside of his personal bathroom to get a wet towel so that I would be able to remove some of the smell of beer from him.

I honestly did not know if it would really help him, but I did it nonetheless, because I think that it would make him wake up, for a little bit.

After that, I went inside his closet to get some comfortable clothes for him, and when I did, I immediately went to his side once again. That was when I saw that he had already taken off his shoes, and he adjusted his tie as he lay there in the middle of his bed.

I let out a sigh as I did not have any choice but to take a seat beside him so that I would be able to wipe the wet towel on his face and on his neck. I even went and tried to fix his messy hair, but as I was doing so, he caught my wrist and my eyes widened when he suddenly opened his eyes and looked at me with an expression I could not name.

“Caliana...” he called my name once again as he leaned on until our faces were inches away from each other.

My eyes widened in shock as I started to explain that I was just helping him so that he would be comfortable enough to have a good night's sleep, but it just turned out as if I was just rambling about things because I could not think straight, and it was all because of our close proximity that was getting even closer and closer as seconds gone by. I did not know what to do any longer. I tried to push him away, but his grip on my wrist was too strong. He got closer and closer, until a sudden incident that made my heart almost want to burst happened.

He kissed me, for real, and I did not know what to do anymore because of that.