A Tale Beyond Destiny

Chapter 17: Confusion (Caleb)

“For the record that I have been going to your office for the whole week...” I heard him say that made me focus my attention on him, but then, I looked away from him again when I saw his calculating gaze as if he wanted to find something out to me. “You looked so lost today than the days before,” he pointed out, while his eyebrows were raised. “Even more so, you looks like a sh*t.”

I glared at him for a whole minute, before, finally, I looked away from him as I let out a sigh. After all, I knew that he was telling the truth. I knew that he was just pointing out an observation about me, but somehow, it made me so pissed and irritated, and somehow, I did not want to hear anything about how I have been acting these days.

“Did something happen to that woman you are talking about?” he asked me, with a frown on his face, and that made me let out a sigh once again, because it was indeed the truth. “I cannot be wrong. After all, I know that she is the only person that you had in your mind for the whole time, and the whole week, that I have been visiting you in your office.”

I let out a sigh once again as I looked away from him. “Don’t you have any work for this day?” I asked him as I tried so hard to divert his attention to another topic, though I already knew that I would fail, miserably. “I mean you have been staying in my office for almost a whole week, just like what you have said, and it never happened before.” I looked at him with a questioning gaze as I continued, “Don’t tell me that you already quit your job and you were just trying to find something to pass the time.”

I could feel his glare at me, so I did not dare to look at him anymore. Not because I was afraid though, but because I knew that he would just start his never-ending lecture, because again, he wanted to fulfill that father-figure act of his on me.

“I am the boss,” he said, as if that would be enough explanation why he was not going to his office, but we both knew that it was not. “Also, we do not have anything to do for the whole week. It was peaceful enough, so we really had so much time for ourselves,” he explained, but I doubt that was really the case, though I did not dig deeper into that topic any longer.

I just resorted to shrugging my shoulders as I finally accepted that he would not leave my office anytime from now, and I knew that he would not let me go, not until I started talking about the things that had been bothering me as of that moment.

“Do not ever think that that question was enough to divert my attention,” he said, which made me let out a loud, and defeated, sigh and I could not stop myself from touching my forehead as if I had suddenly experienced a headache, and it was all because of him. “So what really happened? And do not bother about lying because I am sure that I will be able to catch that, if ever.”

I let out a sigh, for who knows how many times I did that day, before I kept my silence, that made him look at me as if saying ‘Seriously? Will you act like that way, after all this time?’ but I did not give any single care about it. After all, I did not know where to start. I did not know how I should explain it to him, and I think that I was sober enough to let myself talk and talk, without even thinking twice.

“You know...” I looked at him for a brief second, and I could instantly tell that he had something on his mind that I would not be able to refuse to do, not because I wanted to, but because I did not have any choice. “I think that you needed some beer before you will open up. And I think that you needed to get yourself lost for a moment, because I think that your own mind was stopping you from telling me anything.”

I stopped, and thought about what he said for a moment, because I think that it all made sense. I knew that I was the only one who was stopping myself, and not anyone else. To be a prank, I knew, and I have observed, that both of them, Fabian and him, were trying their best to ease out the problem that I had, but I was still refusing to tell them anything about Caliana, or generally about me.

Well, either way, I knew that he had other plans, which was why he was trying to urge me to have a drink. “You just wanted to get drunk until your heart’s content,” I pointed out, and I proved that when I saw how his expression changed into a sheepish smile, and that made me glare at me one more time.

“It is already given that I wanted to get drunk,” he reasoned out, which made me shake my head. “But that is not the whole point of this.” I looked at him as if I was challenging him to tell me what the other points were, and I guess that he was really ready about those reasons because he started to list things out. “I know that you have been locking yourself up in your office, and in your house, for almost a month now and it has been weeks ago ever since you visited a bar.”

“I did not want to go there.” He turned his gaze at me with a doubtful look on his face as if he was telling me that he was not buying that, and I instantly knew that he would point that out, and I did not even know what to do about him, or about me, any longer.

“I doubt that was really the case,” he said and that made me furrow my brows, but he just shrugged it off as if it was really nothing. “I think that you have been so busy taking care of this certain woman, and I think that leads you to decide to drop the thought of getting drunk until you want to.”

I let out a sigh once again, and looked away from him, because again, he was right when he said that. I dropped off the thought of drinking some beer when Caliana stayed at my house, because I did not want her to become so uncomfortable with me. I did not want her to deal with my weird side, because I knew that I was a different man whenever I got drunk.

“Don’t even think too much about it,” I heard him say, which made me look at him once again, and that was the moment that I saw that he was staring right back at me with that serious expression on his face. “Come on. I will not hurt you by getting drunk from time to time, you know?” He even stood up from his seat just to pat my back. “And I will assure you that Fabian and I will take care of you, if ever you really get so weird.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose because I thought that whatever decision I would make would just make my head hurt. I knew that I was just too worried for Caliana if ever I came home drunk, but then again, I knew that a can of beer, or maybe two, would make my mind clear of thoughts and maybe, if fate was really on my side, I would be able to think of ways I could overcome, if I really could do it, this feelings of mine, and this problem of mine.

I opened my eyes as I looked at him, straight into his eyes as I said, “Alright.” I saw him let out a huge grin as if he had won something, though I did not care about it anymore, even though I knew that he just schemed me on agreeing on getting drunk with the both of them. “Let’s get on with it and talk about this problem of mine.”

And that was why I found myself inside of the bar that we were always going to whenever we had some time. Fabian and I were the first ones who got here because we both went straight into this place as soon as our work was finished, and yes, I did not bother to go home anymore, though I made sure that I gave Caliana a text that I would get home late, and she should just order something or cook something and did not have to wait for me any longer.

It made me get a little worried because of the first time that she tried to cook something, but to my relief, she said to me that she would follow every single thing that I taught her before, and I thanked myself that I managed to teach her, even though it was just as simple as reheating some food and making some noodles. It would be enough, right?

Well, either way, that talk, or maybe text, that we had was too awkward, because, well, I have been avoiding her these days. And yes, it was one of the problems that I have been thinking all this week, and it was not because I really wanted to avoid her and not look at her, it was just that the moment that I looked on her face, and the moment that I saw how she looked at me, I knew that I would not be able to keep this feelings of mine any longer. I knew that I would not be able to stop myself and say something that might ruin what we had, whatever we have right now.

We did not wait that long for the last man to arrive, though the moment that he took a step to where we were drinking, he let out a disappointed sigh as he shook his head and sat on the chair across mine. He looked at Fabian as if he could not believe that he was already drunk in a short span of time, before he looked at me and nodded his head as a greeting. I also nodded my head before I took a sip at the bottle of beer that I had been drinking while we were waiting for him.

The whole table went silent, though not that silent, because Fabian was screaming from time to time as if he was out of his mind, though we both knew that he was already too drunk for his own good and that made both of us shake our heads at him. I even shivered when I saw that he leaned on the wall behind him and laughed as if he had really gone crazy.

Both of us shook our heads once again, and I even heard him say, “I promised that Fabian and I would help you once you got really really drunk, but then I guess that we would never be able to do that,” and that made me laugh as I shook my head once again.

I even shrugged my shoulders as I said, “It is Fabian,” as if that would be enough as an explanation for this. “What can you expect about him?” I joked, which made the both of us laugh as we both shook our heads once again, and took a sip on the bottle of beer that we ordered.

Our table got quiet again, and Fabian was... well, he was still drinking and drinking as if he never planned to go home any longer, though we did not stop him anymore, and I did not think that we would be able to stop him any longer. We just watched him do some weird things, though I knew that it would not be that way for the whole night, because I knew that even though he was keeping his silence, I knew that he had been waiting for me to speak up.

And so, even though I was still confused over so many things, I decided that I should just get on with it and let him listen to whatever I was about to say. He also must have sensed that I would talk anytime from now, because I saw him make himself comfortable as he stared at me as if he was waiting for whatever I was about to say.

I breathed out a sigh before I took a sip first and prepared myself to talk. “You said that I would know the answer about whatever this is, right?” I asked him, and he just answered me with a hum, so I continued to talk once again. “I did that.” I took a sip as I caught the way he raised his eyebrows as if he wanted me to give him the full details. “I tried to figure out what I has been feeling for her...”

“And I must guess that you were able to find the truth?” he asked as he looked at me straight into my eyes, but I just shrugged my shoulders.

“I don’t really know,” I answered him, with all honesty. “I just found out the way I treated her as if she is my girlfriend, even though I know that she is not. I found the way I was treating her so differently with the people around me.” I laughed when I thought of something before I looked at the beer bottle in my hands. “To be a prank, I knew that I was treating her with all the kindness that I never thought that I have, to the point that I know it was not like the way whenever I am with you guys.”

That was the reason why I could not bear to look at her for a long time. That was the reason why I decided to avoid her these past few days. Because I was afraid. I was too afraid, terrified even, that something might change between the two of us. I could not bear to think that both of us, whatever relationship we have right now, would fall apart just because of these feelings of mine.

I did not want that to happen. I never intended that to happen. That was why I decided to avoid her, because I thought that I would be able to somehow, keep my feelings at bay, even though it may sound so s*lly. I thought that it would be enough to make my mind clear, as well as my heart, though I guess that I was not doing a really great job.

“You did not explain why you are acting like this way though.” I furrowed my brows and gave him a questioning gaze, but he just pointed his fingers at me with a knowing look on his face. “You know? I know that feeling that you treat someone very special, and I know the way your heart will rise whenever she is around.”

“That is the reason why I am acting like this way,” I cut out whatever he was about to say as I kept my gaze on the bottle of beer in my hands as if it calmed me down, even though it was clearly not helping. “I got confused whenever she was around. I got frightened of anything that could happen...”

“That is why you decided to move away from her.” He was the one who finished the sentence that I wanted to say to him, and so, I just decided to nod my head, once, and drink the whole content of the beer. “You decided to avoid her, even though it hurts you so much.”

“I did,” I answered him, almost in a whisper, though I guess that he was able to figure out what I had just said because he nodded his head at me. “I thought that would be enough so that I will not ruin whatever we have right now. After all, I did not want to assume that she felt the same way as me, because I think that she was just treating me normally.”

I thought that he would give me a list of advice, or something like that, but I was shocked when he just smiled at me as he slightly shook his head. He drank his beer too, before he said to me, “You got it really bad, man.”

I let out a sigh as I smiled a little. “Maybe, I really did.”

He then reached out to pat my shoulders before he opened another set of beer again as he said to me, “I really do not know what to say any longer, because the last time I loved someone did not end so well, it was even bad if you will ask me.” He laughed, loudly, as if the beer had already hit him, though I doubt that was really the case. “But I want to tell you to drink ‘till your heart’s content and let yourself get lost, even for just a moment!”

He urged me to get the bottle of beer in his hands, and so I did, and he smiled at me and shouted, “Let’s get drunk and you should not let yourself get drowned by too much overthinking!”