Her Ruthless Mafia

Kamala Brei Huxley’s point of view: I was in my sixth grade when I was diagnosed having Posttraumatic stress disorder. Sadly, until now, I still have it. Imagine? I’m now in college and yet I’m still fighting against this curse from my past. For everyone’s information, let me explain everything. I really hate talking about my situation because every time that I do, the monster from my past is having its way to kill me. But this time, I will let you see my weakest point in life while talking about this situation I have. Posttraumatic stress disorder is a serious condition that can develop after a person has experienced or witnessed a traumatic or terrifying event in which there was serious physical harm or threat. PTSD is a lasting consequence of traumatic ordeals that cause intense fear, helplessness, or horror. Most people who have a traumatic event will have reactions that may include shock, anger, nervousness, fear, and even guilt. These reactions are common, and for most people, they go away over time. However, for a person with PTSD like me, these feelings continue and even increase, becoming so strong that they keep the person from going about their life as expected. People with PTSD have symptoms for longer than one month and can’t function as well as before the event that triggered it happened. Having this kind of disorder affects my entire existence. Every inch of me is being tortured day and night. I have no escape and no excuse. Traumas are hunting me, restlessly. Funny how this situation of mine was made by monsters I truly trusted when I was at my lowest. I thought I was rescued, but it turned out to be another inferno. For uncountable years, my life has been a mess, a pain, and hell. Honesty, hope and faith were already nothing to me back then. Who would dare to have those when you are in my situation, right? But guess what? God is really good, no, he’s great, actually. Why? Because after all that happened, he rewarded me for staying alive by giving me the parents I have right now. They are the best gift I have ever received in my entire life. Ever since that they adopted me, I finally felt how to be loved, appreciated and protected. They never treat me differently despite of my past and the disorder I have. They love me unconditionally, they took care of me and provided everything I need. If you will ask how am I doing right now? I would say, I’m happy but not totally okay. Simply because this world has given me too much to bear and too much to endure. I’m now laying on my bed. It’s already 2 am in the morning and yet I can’t sleep. Well, this is not new to me. It seems like a daily routine to me anymore, the only difference now from the past years is that, I’m not crying. I just I feel empty, I feel alone. I was staring straight to the bright moon when I decided to step out. We are living in a subdivision and we have a mini park here. I decided to go there for a walk and to clean my mind with the help of the cold breeze. As I opened the door, I felt rest and comfort as the cold breeze touch my skin. I smiled unnoticedly. I continued walking out until I reached the park. I walked around then I suddenly heard a great melody coming from somewhere in this place. I was mesmerized by the melody of the song played by an instrument that’s why I looked around to hear it clearer. Without any doubts and hesitations, I walk around and after few minutes I found someone playing his guitar sitting in a bench. I can’t clearly see his face but I don’t mind. I stand behind his back without him knowing that I was there. A moment after, he started singing. “How can you miss someone you've never met?” that lyric of the song he started to sing hits different. “Cause I need you now but I don't know you yet.” This is amazing. He’s like using the music to communicate to someone. “But can you find me soon because I'm in my head?” this is strange. “Yeah, I need you now but I don't know you yet.” I can feel the sadness in his voice. I don’t know, I can’t see his expression while playing and yet the way he sang made me feel his emotions too. Every word of the song was told with pain and longing. “How can you miss someone you've never seen? Oh, tell me are your eyes brown, blue, or green? And do you like it with sugar and cream? Or do you take it straight, oh, just like me?” His voiced cracked, and I stayed quiet and unnoticeable. Until he strums his guitar again, this time, it became slower. I closed my eyes as he continues to sing and play his guitar. His cold voice is embracing my loneliness, he warms my heart and I found myself smiling because of that. “I need you now but I don't know you yet.” With that, he stopped and looked up straight into the sky, I did the same thing. Now we are under the same sky, which proves that we may have different stories to tell, we are still under the same circumstances brought by life. “This is comforting,” I whispered to myself. I know each one of us has a story of abuse and mistreatment. I know that we are all trying to live our life with it. We carry it around every day without the world noticing it and its fine. There’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, you should be proud of handling it alone. That only proves that you are stronger, braver and bolder than you expect. In this life, we can’t avoid painful fate, we can’t avoid miseries and sufferings. Simply because they are part of life’s ingredients to make our lives a perfect piece of braveness and greatness. Yes, life is a roller-coaster ride. It can make us feel different emotions which sometimes make us want to surrender. But don’t dare to give up, because still, this life has many things to offer, life is still worth having.