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Chapter Thirty-nine

SIENNA'S POV

I could hear Maria shouting downstairs as I rushed to get my stuff. Deciding I needed to just go so everyone could have there lifes back. I'd go and not show myself again until this nightmare was over with. I grabbed my bag then I realised Sid and Maria didn't have there car and they would need one so I went to go get my keys only to realise Sid had them anyway. He must of snuck and got them to go get the pain medication I think to myself. Oh well I don't have to speak to them to leave the keys. I ordered a uber and once it showed it was outside I hurried downstairs as if my life depended on it, but as quietly as possible as well.

As I reached halfway down though I then realised everyone except Maria and Jordan were still stood in the hallway looking like they had been sent to the naughty corner by our parents with doomed looking faces.

Harry was the first one to say something as he said "You don't have to go, we all want you to stay. Please stay"

"I need to be alone right now" I say looking at everyone knowing I can't tell them that I don't plan to come back any time soon. They wouldn't let me go otherwise. Actually they all seem suspicious maybe thats because they realise I haven't got my car keys. Well in that case then they underestimate me I think to myself.

"Sienna please, Just hear me out first" Ethan says

"It's just not the right time Ethan. I tried" I say and with that I rush for the door and run as fast as I can to taxi before anyone can stop me.. as I get into the taxi I say "just drive please" the taxi driver starts driving as I look out the window and see them all rushing out the house no doubt they heard a car door and excepted me to go back in asking for my car keys.

There also assume I've ordered a taxi home. unlucky for them I've still got my passport in my bag with me and I'm heading for the airport. Still unsure where I'm going though..

I decided to ring my mum and she answered pretty quickly saying

"Hi, Sienna how's your weekend going?"

"I'm just ringing to tell you that I'm going away again. This time I don't know when I will be back. Please do me favour and keep fresh flowers and teddy's on my babys grave for me" by the end of it I'm crying.

"Why, what's happened honey?" my mum asks..

"Everything changed when I got married. I can't do anything right anymore. I really tried but I just upset everyone. I've only became a burden to everyone. I love you all and it's better if I just leave until I can cope in life again" I say

"I'm coming home. Wait for me, I promise whatever has happened we can fix it together.. you don't have to run away and face this alone.. being alone only caused you so much pain to start with" My mum says

"Excaulty, I went through it alone. I couldn't even keep my babys alive to bring you all something good from what happened. So I have to fix this alone starting with myself" I say trying to hold in the sob building up in my throat as the tears slid down my face faster.

"If I can't talk you into staying all I ask is that you ring me regularly and let me know your safe" My mum asks..

"I can do that. As for everyone else though tell them to live there lifes and forget about me right now. They need there lifes back as well.. Make sure they know when I show myself again I won't need fixing and will be me again.. as for Ethan tell him he should find a women that isn't damaged" I say

"Your not damaged, your a wonderful person Sienna don't you ever forget that" My mum says

"I've got to go mum, but know I love you and dad and that I'm greatful to everyone trying to fix me. But I have to do it myself" I say then I hang up before crying badly not even caring about the uber driver.

"Miss, I'm sorry that I listened to that but you seemed distract when you got into my cab, I only wanted to know if you would need assistance.. But I just want to say no matter what your going through, I hope you get through it. I've cancelled this ride but im still taking you to the airport as I want to help you and its the only way I can do that by helping you get there without charge" The taxi driver says

"Thanks, you didn't need to do that" I say

"I did, my wife lost our baby a few years ago and I know how hard that must be" he says

"I'm sorry to hear that. I hope your all doing better now" I say

"We are, actually we are expecting our rainbow baby any day now. My wife would approve of my actions today. She is a midwife herself and it was hard for her going back to work after afterwards. Anyway I shouldn't make it about us I just want you to know better days will come eventually just try and keep your faith" He says..

"Thankyou" I say and the rest of the journey we don't talk until we reached the airport where he wished me all the luck in the world and hopes our paves will cross one day where I can tell him my life has got better.

As I walked into the airport, I removed myself from the group chat before blocking everyone's number in my phone except my mum and dad's. I meant every word I said to my mum. I wouldn't be a burden anymore and I wouldn't be back until I was okay again.

Two years later

"Yes mum, I'm still coming down for the day in two weeks time" I say

"Good, Maria said she will pick you up from the airport this time. She even told Sid she is going to her friends for the night so she can come stay at yours for a girls night" my mum says laughing.

"I still can't believe how you and Maria with dad have managed to keep it from Sid.. not to mention the others. I still remember when Maria found us out and I honestly thought we were busted. But now, I laugh at how we meet in secret each month" I say.

"Don't your brother is still pissed off whenever your name comes up he looks at me like I've betrayed him. I do feel awful. I can't wait until you move back. Your still on track for finishing the new surgery you've been working on aren't you?" My mum asks..

"Yes, just a few more months" I say although in reality I was stood at the airport about to catch a flight to move home again in time for Sids birthday. Apparently there was a big party happening at the club and everyone would be there. Not even my mum knew I was planning to show up.. I just hoped he wouldn't be to angry and kick me out his party.

"Great, I wish time would hurry up. Seeing you one day a month just isn't enough" my mum says..

"I know, I miss you all as well.. but I needed to find myself again. Oh did I tell you I've landed a job at the local hospital when I come back. I'm going to be the big boss. Its mental how much demand I'm in, but I'm glad I went back to work" I say

"I'm glad you went back as well and that's great, It helps assure me your home to stay this time" My mum says

"Do you think Sid will be mad when I show myself again?" I ask.

"I don't know. I think he will be happy your home" My mum says.

"I hope so, How's Jordan doing with his walking?" I ask as he was a late walker but started walking the past few months

"He is running now" my mum says happily.

"Thats amazing, I can't wait to see it. I miss that little dude" I say

"I'm sure he misses you as well. Maria had to think quick when he started asking for aunty Sienna. She told Sid she always shows your picture to Jordan and he totally believed it. I still laugh when thinking about it" My mum says

"Okay, Well I need to get back to work. There's no rest for the wicked after all" I say

"Okay, speak soon. love you" My mum says

"Love you to" I say then I hang up heading into the airport to catch the plane home.

I was a little nervous as I'd stayed off social media the past few years and no one except my parents and Maria could contact me as there numbers where all blocked. But I don't regret my decision. I needed to find myself again and work through everything which I did. But I was home sick and totally mentally ready to go home now. I'd never forget my babys but I found peace in what happened now and had move on from what happened. I just prayed I would still have my brother and best friends when I got home. I wouldn't blame them if they hated me for blocking them out my life these past two years but most of all I hoped they were happy in there lifes.

Before I knew it I was back on the UK soil I got a cab to my home where I got changed into a nice black dress. It hugged my body body just right. I then curled my hair which was shoulder length and now black in colour. I'd gone through a few colours these past few years but I preferred the darker colours. I then did my make up making sure I wore water proof mascara just in case. I rarely cry these days but when I do its at my babys grave side.

I then put some high heels on before getting a nice white jacket to put on and grabbing my black clutch bag.

Finally ready and knowing the party has just started I got a uber to the club. The while journey there my stomach was doing flips with nerves at seeing everyone again. But I also knew I couldn't stay away forever. Plus I start my new job in a few weeks.

It seemed like the cab ride was way to quick because before I knew it I was stood outside the club. I was glad when I saw Neil on the door. His eyes lite up in surpise when he clocked me walking towards him.

"Do my eyes deceive me or have you actually returned. You know the lads been trying to find you the past few years right?" Neil says

"Yes, I know. I had my parents help though. I needed a favour Neil" I say.

"Well if its a plan to escape again dont look at me" Neil says

"No, I need help getting to the dj booth without being seen by any of them pesky lads" I say and Neil laughs.

"I got ya princess. James give Sienna your security jacket. You keep your head down and stay behind me" Neil says in approval..

"Thanks, I knew there was a reason I liked you the most" I say

"I already agreed to help you, no need to sweet talk me now" Neil says

"In that case let's hurry up" I say taking the jacket im being offered and putting it on.

"You never fail to seize to amaze me.. How's life been treating you?" Neil asks as we head in.

"Its been good. I'm good thanks for asking" I say

"Good" Neil says and then I stay close behind him as we sneak across the club whilst music is blaring and everyone seems to be having a great time.

When we reach the DJ booth I notice its a female DJ now.

"Jen, this is Sienna. She is Harry's best friend. Whatever she wants just do it" Neil says as he helps me sneak into the DJ booth. I hope I'm still his best friend i think to myself unsure of this.

"Got it, nice to meet you. What can I help you with?" Jen asks me.

"I just need you to let me have the mic before playing the happy birthday song" I say

"I can do that" Jen says I make sure i have my back away from the VIP section until Jen passes me the mic.. Then I turn around and although I feel a little sick to my stomach as the nerves take over me. I remember the last time I was stood here I was a mess and here I am now completely different yet still feel unsettled because I know this will be the moment I find out if everyone I care about hates me or not.

I lift the mic to my face as I say "Sorry to intrude on everyone night. But I just wanted to take a moment to personally wish my Brother a very happy birthday. You see I haven't seen him in a long time and I wanted to surpise him and for his birthday by appearing. Only I require it to be a little extra special, So will you all join me please in singing the happy birthday song to him. Happy birthday Sid" I say then I look at Jen and she starts playing the happy birthday song.

Before I know it I'm Singing happy birthday and the whole club joins in. I look towards the VIP section and I see a group of people running towards the DJ booth. A group of people I know all to well. I feel even more nervous wondering if there about to yell at me or welcome me back as of I never left. I wouldn't blame them all if they shouted though.