Tempted Heart (FREE TO READ)

Kabanata 9

KABANATA 9

MONTHS have passed so fast. It was now actually the last month of this sem. I can’t still believe what happened this past few months. Tapos na kami sa aming defense pero may iba pang grupo ang wala at sila nalang ang hinihintay na matapos. We are already done too with our final examination. Ang revision na lang ng mga research papers ang pinagkakabalahan namin.

“Hi.” I was back in the reality when I heard that voice.

He then kissed me on my cheeks. Kahit magdadalawang buwan pa lang kami ay hindi pa kami naghahalikan sa lips. Not that I wanted to suggest it to him but I know he was just respecting me… waiting for me to send the go signal.

And I love him more because of that.

“Are you done with your paper works?” He asked then snake his arms around my waist.

Nandito kami sa field ngayon at nagpapahinga. Walang masiyadong tao kaya nagagawa niya ang bagay na ito sa akin. Nahihiya kasi ako kapag may nakakita sa amin na ganito kalapit sa isa’t isa.

Lumingon ako sa kanya. Umupo siya sa likod ko at ipinwesto ang kanyang baba sa aking leeg. Agad akong nakaramdam ng kiliti sa ginawa niya.

Tumango ako. “How about you?” I asked him.

Tumango din siya. “We finished it last week.”

Napaismid ako. “Ikaw na matalino.”

“Bakit? Nahihirapan ka ba sa exam natin last week?”

Umiling ako. “M—medyo pero nakaraos naman.”

Kinuha niya ang papel kong hawak at binasa iyon. Naiilang akong nakatingin sa kanya ng makita ang pagkunot ng noo niya.

“Is this your manuscript?” Tanong niya.

“Yes.”

“Something’s wrong with your date in here.” Turo niya sa table na ginawa namin. Umuklo ako at tiningnan iyon. “Your design data doesn’t match with your output.”

I pursed my lips. “Damn it.” I cursed lowly. Napalingon siya sa akin na may halong pagkamangha.

“I’m sorry.” Hingi ko ng paumanhin dahil baka nabigla ko siya. Kinuha ko kaagad ang papel mula sa kanya at muling tiningnan iyon. “Maria and I thoroughly checked this last night.” Napakagat kung labing saad.

He chuckled. “Don’t worry, madali lang naman palitan iyan. Huwag ka nang mamoblema. Your outputs are correct.”

He then kissed me on my neck that made me jump. It was the first time he did that.

“I’m sorry.” Hinging paumanhin niya. “Did I startle you?”

Natauhan ako kaagad. “No. Nabigla lang ako.”

“But st—“

I stopped him by kissing him on the lips. I think he deserved it.

It was just a few seconds before I let go his face. He looks so shock.

Natawa ako sa itsura niya. Namula ang tenga niya at nanghihinang binaba ang mukha sa aking leeg. Nakikiliti ako ng maramdaman ang kunting hininga niyang tumatama sa balat ko.

“Damn!”

“I can’t still believe that you can still make me fall for you even more.” His husky voice said.

“Stop it already, Achilles. Nakikiliti ako.” I said habang iniiwas ang leeg ko sa kanya.

He stopped but now he’s staring at me.

In the past few months, he never failed to amaze me. He’s so caring and gentle but his so possessive too. One time when some guy approached me, he almost punched him in the face for just touching my hand. Nagalit ako sa kanya noon kaya hindi ko siya kinausap ng dalawang araw. If it’s not for Leandro, his friend, I would never talk to him for a month.

“I’m afraid.” He said out of nowhere.

I glanced at him immediately.

“Why?”

He then looked at me.

“I’m afraid that I can’t control my anger when it comes with you. I’m afraid that..that would be the reason that you would leave me.”

I sighed. “Do you want me to do that?”

Nagdilim ang mukha niya at umiling.

“Then don’t be too stubborn and listen to me.”

“Hindi ko alam na may side ka palang ganito.”

“Like what?”

He chuckled. “This dominant..”

“I like it. You look so sexy in my eyes.” Dagdag pa niya.

“Achilles..” I warned him.

He chuckled again.

Lumipas ulit ang isang buwan ay graduation day na namin. Kasalukuyan akong nasa sala habang naghahanda ng sarili. I was actually waiting for Mama before we go to the venue together. May duty kasi siya ngayon, ayaw ko naman siyang sabihan na magleave dahil isang araw lang naman ang graduation namin. Maybe, when we planned for our vacation together.

Achilles was the Summa Cumlaude of our batch. As his girlfriend, I’m so proud of him of course. Well, he really deserves it because he worked hard for it. He’s been proud of me too. Kahit sa buong section nila ay kilala ako kaya nahihiya din ako minsan kong may tatawag sa akin pero hindi ko naman kilala.

Minsan rin ay may mga babae rin akong nakakasalamuha sa campus na masasama ang tingin sa akin. Maybe because they like Rossette more for Achilles. Kahit nga ako noong una ay hindi naniniwala sa mga ganiyang pag-uugali dahil akala ko kung college ka na ay mas matured ka nang mag-isip. Siguro nga hindi talaga pareho ang pag-iisip ng lahat ng tao. But theb again I chose to shove away that thought and remained brave for my choices.

Tumunog ang telepono sa bahay kaya kaagad akong tumakbo para sagutin iyon.

“Hello…”

“Is this Ms. Braises Ferran?” Tanong ng babae sa kabilang linya.

“Yes. Speaking…”

“I’m sorry to inform you, Ma’am. But your mother was in the hospital right now. She was severely injured. She meets an accident just a few minutes earlier.”

“What?!” Nagulantang ang sistema ko sa nalaman.

Agad namuo ang luha sa aking mga mata. Nanginginig ang kamay ko habang nakahawak sa telepono.

“Where is that hospital?” Tanong ko kaagad.

Mabilis akong lumabas ng bahay ng malaman ko kung saang hospital siya dinala. Wala sa sariling nagpara ako ng tricyle. I didn’t even changed my clothes yet. I’m on my dress and my toga. Kahit na naka-heels ay nagmamadali akong pumasok at tinakbo ang information desk.

“A patient named Dr. Emma Ferran was admitted here, where is she?!” Mabilis kong tanong sa babaeng nandon.

“Nasa ICU pa po, Ma’am.”

“Thank you.” I immediately said.

Agad kong hinanap ang ICU room. Nanghihina ang tuhod kong sumilip sa pintong naroon pero agad akong inawat ng nurse.

“Doon na lang po kayo sa upuan maghintay, Ma’am.”

Wala akong nagawa kundi ang sundin siya.

What is this?! Oh God!

Please…don’t take her away from me.

I can’t..

I frustratedly combed my hair. Hindi ako mapakali kaya tumayo ako at naglalakad para maibsan ang aking panginginig. I was never this afraid in my entire life.

Nooo! Please God! Don’t take her away from me.

I can’t. I will lose my self.

After hours of waiting, the door opened revealing the doctor.

“Are you the daughter of Dr. Ferran?” He then asked me immediately.

Kaagad akong tumango.

Malungkot siyang ngumiti sa akin. “I’m sorry, hija..But your mother chooses to let go.”

“No! That’s impossible..” Hindi ko makapaniwalang saad.

“We did our truly best, hija. But the most affected part of your mother’s injury was her head and brain. Both were fatally damaged, the surgery was impossible but still we tried but her body gave up already. I’m so sorry for your loss, hija.”

Walang humpas na tumulo ang luha ko sa sinabi.

“No..Mama won’t leave me like that. It can’t be like that. There’s must be another way.” Umiiling iling ako.

Bumigay ang katawan ko dahil sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman.

“Hija!” Agad akong inalalayan ng mga nurse na naroon at pinaupo.

“Get some water..”Utos ng doctor sa kanila.

Nilipat niya ang tingin sa akin. “Please, hija. Calm down.”

“She’s breaking down, Doc.” A male nurse said.

Hindi ko na alam ang sunod na nangyari dahil kaagad akong nawalan ng malay.

It was already evening when I wake up, I immediately find myself in a hospital room. Mabilis ang mga nangyayari kaya hindi ko na namamalayan ang oras. Nang maalala ang nangyari ay kaagad akong bumangon.

“I’m glad that you are awake now, hija.” I jumped when I heard that voice. “I’m Dr. Rodelio Liero by the way.”

It was the doctor earlier.

“Nasaan si Mama, Doc?” I felt so stupid while asking this question. But after what I had learned today, I don’t think I had the capacity to think for my own respective question.

“Again, I’m so sorry for your loss, hija. Dr. Ferran was a very good doctor and a colleague of mine indeed. You may get your mother’s body now.” Makahulugang sabi ng doctor sa akin.

Kusang tumulo ang luha sa aking mga mata. Lutang at wala sa sarili akong tumango sa kaniya. Masakit! Parang ayaw ko nang mabuhay.

My heart was just shattered into pieces. I don’t like this pain.

God! Please, take me with her.

Humahagolhol ako. Naalarma ang doctor at agad na lumapit sa kin.

“Makakaya mo ang lahat ng ito. You almost lost your life earlier if I wasn’t so quick to inject you some pain reliever. Your body almost gave up because of too much emotion it feels with.”

Umiling ako.

“May inihabilin sa iyo ang Mama mo bago siya nawalan ng malay kanina.”

Mabilis akong nag-angat ng tingin.

“W—what is it?”

“That you must live no matter what happened. You must continue your life, find peace and love behind this pain. She will be always there watching you.”

Mas lalo akong naiyak sa sinabi niya. How could I even do that?!!! She’s all that I have!

Lumipas pa ang isang araw ay mag-isa akong nagluksa at inilibing si Mama. I cremated her body and choose to take the ashes with me. I just can’t let her go.

I felt so numbed and cold.

I felt dying…

Kahit ultimo pagkilos ko ng maayos ay hindi ko magawa. I already called my school and choose to tell them my story but promising that no one will gonna know even my bestfriend Maria. Kahit ang pamilya ni Achilles ay hindi iyon alam. Walang may alam sa nangyari at tanging ako lang.

I choose this.

Mabuti nalang at naging considerate ang school. I can get my diploma and all my papers even if I did not attend the graduation. My tears immediately flowed down my cheeks when I scanned the entire house.

Ma, wherever you are, please know that I’m so sorry. Please, be happy. I’ll choose to be happy too even if you’re not in my side anymore. You will be always in my heart, forever.

I cried silently and just let all my pain flow too. That’s when I realized, it’s been two hours since I cried.

I glance at my phone, walang buhay kong kinuha iyon habang hawak pa rin ang babasaging garapon na may laman ng abo ni Mama.

Maraming text at missed call doon.

Most of them are from Achilles and Maria.

Achilles: ‘Babe, where are you?’

Achilles: ‘I’m excited for our family dinner together. See you! I love you.’

Achilles: ‘Where the heck are you, my Bree?’

Achilles: ‘The ceremony was about to start.’

Achilles: ‘Why aren’t you answering my phone calls? I’m starting to get worried, Bree?’

Achilles: ‘Please, Bree. Answer my call, baby?’

Achilles: ‘Braises! I’m angry right now!!’

Achilles: ‘Bakit wala ka sa graduation?’

Achilles: ‘Pumunta ako sa bahay ninyo at walang tao. My Bree, please… mababaliw na ako.’

Achilles: ‘Is this your way of breaking up with me?’

Achilles: ‘My Bree…’

Achilles: ‘Baby? I’m going crazy.’

Gusto kong tawagan siya but my body was not cooperating with me. Halos pareho lang din sila nang text ni Maria. But he has one hundred plus missed call on me that’s why I was so shocked.

Agad akong napabuntong hininga ng malalim. Mama will not going to love this.

I sighed. Even with the heavy heart I choose to change my clothes. I decided to go with him and explained everything. We have our graduation party actually in his beach house, we planned it together.

Maingat kong inilagay si Mama sa ilalim ng aparador ko. I locked the house then pagkatapos magbihis at nagpara kaagad ako ng taxi papunta sa resort nila. Maingay at maraming tao na ng dumating ako roon. I don’t wear extravagant clothes, I just wear hooded jacket and a tight jeans paired with my flat navy blue boots.

Kaya wala ring nakakakilala sa akin ng dumating ako roon.

“Maria!” Tawas ko sa kanya ng makita siya.

Nanlalaki ang mata niya ng makita ako. Patakbo siyang lumapit at yumakap sa akin.

“Where the hell have you been, Braises?!” She exaggeratedly said.

Hindi ako kumibo sa kanya.

“Hindi ka pumunta sa graduation natin at isang araw kang hindi nagparamdam. Ano bang ginagawa mo?”

Hindi pa rin ako kumibo.

“Damn it, Bree! Answer me.” Galit niyang saad sa akin.

I stared at her with tired eyes. “Not now, Maria…”

“Where’s Achilles?”

Namamangha siyang tumingin sa akin.

“Just wow…you didn’t even answered my question and yet you asked for him?” Hindi niya makapaniwalang saad.

“Tell me what happened?" Dismayado niyang tanong.

Malamig ko siyang tiningnan. I don't want to hurt her but I can't align happiness with my feelings right now. Hindi ko kaya dahil kahit ni isang emosiyon ay walang pumapasok sa puso ko.

Maria's expression tells me that she's hurt. Umiling siyang tila wala na ako sa aking sarili.

“By the way, Achilles was upstairs waiting for you.” Saad niya at iniwan ako.

I sighed.

May nagbabadya na namang luha sa mga mata ko.

I’m sorry, Maria…

Umakyat ako sa ikalawang palapag ng beach house niya. Someone even greeted me when they recognized me but I only smiled at them. Patuloy akong naglakad pataas.

I was halted when I heard loud groans when I almost got near of the room.

“Where’s Braises, Achilles?” Narinig kong tanong ni Leandro sa boyfriend ko.

Walang ingay kong pinihit ang pintuan ng nag-iisang kwarto sa taas.

“She’s not answering my calls. Pinuntahan ko sa bahay nila, walang tao. I’m beginning to think that she was…” He answered.

Gusto ko sanang pumasok pero napahinto ako nang makita kong nandoon sa loob si Rossette.

What is she doing here?

She laughed and hissed hastily. Tumaas ang kamay niya at nakita kong hinawakan niya si Achilles.

“Bakit ka ba kasi nagtitiyaga sa babaeng iyon? You were supposed to have a night with me when you saw her in that club.” Ani ni Rossette.

Leandro chuckled. My heart beats faster when I felt the pain in my heart sliced through me like a blender tearing me apart into pieces.

Ang akala ko ay maiinis si Achilles pero hindi man lang niya tinabig ang kamay nito na nakapatong sa hita niya.

“We have a bet, Rossette. Huwag kang mangealam, usapang lalaki lang iyon.” Natatawang saad ni Leandro at tinungga ang alak sa baso.

Napaawang ang labi ko at tinakpan ang aking bibig.

Bet? Mas lalong nagwawala ang puso ko dahil sa mga pinagsasabi nila.

“Oh! I know that one.” She whispered at Achilles. I saw how her lip moves in his ears as he teased him. “Did she knew? You should have told her that you were just playing with her, Achilles. Ako ang totoong girlfriend mo kaya huwag mo akong ipapahiya.”

I jolted and my tears stumbled.

Tinabig siya ni Achilles. “You are not my girlfriend, Rossette. I saw you and Leandro hooking up.”

Humagalpak ng tawa si Rossette bago tumayo at umupo sa kandungan ni Leandro.

“Ang pikon ng kaibigan mo, babe. Is she really that serious with that girl?” Ani nito kay Leandro.

“He wouldn’t last a month with her if he ain’t, would he?”

Pinagapang kaagad nito ang kamay sa beywang ng babae. “You should really have to tell her the truth, Achilles. She deserves to know the truth. You can’t just use her because she resembled her.” Seryosong saad ni Leandro sa kanya.

“Manahimik kayong dalawa diyan. Baka kapag hindi ako nakatiis sa pangingialam niyo ay mapipilitan ko kayong ikulong dito.”

Galit na saad ni Achilles sa kanila.

Nagkibit ng balikat si Leandro. “That would be an advantage to me.” Pagkatapos ay tumingin siya kay Rossette. “We will have our alone time. Right, darling?”

I don’t wanna see of this foolishness anymore.

Tumalikod ako at iniwan ang kwartong iyon.

“Braises!?” It was Miguel who was shocked to see me.

“Achilles---“Hindi niya na natapos ang sasabihin niya dahil iniwan ko siya.

Lahat ng galit na pwede kong mahagilap sa sarili ko ay umusbong lahat.

Ang galit para sa ama ko…

Ang galit para sa sarili ko..

At ang galit para kay Achilles..

I felt so light and lifeless.

“Saan ka pupunta?!” Isang malakas at dumadagundong na tinig ang nagpatigil sa aking paglalakad. “f**k! Stop running!”

Halos mapaiyak ako ng makita siya sa harapan ko. Hindi ako kaagad nakapagsalita. Lumapit siya sa akin at niyakap ako ng mahigpit. Mapait akong ngumiti at pumikit ng mariin.

“Let’s break up, Achilles.” Malamig kong sabi sa kanya.

Natigilan siya sa sinabi ko.

“What did you just f*****g say?” Malutong na mura niya.

“Hindi lang ako ang nasa kwartong nakita mo kanina kung iyon ang iniisip mo, it was Leandro with Rossete…” Nahihirapan niyang saad.

Walang buhay akong tumango sa kanya. Mula sa mga narinig ko kanina. Hindi ko alam kung saan pa ako maniniwala. I resembled her that's why he's into me?

“Just please let me go. Hindi ka nakakatulong sa akin.”

Umawang ang labi niya sa sinabi ko. “What the f**k did you say?” Nanggagalaiti niyang saad.

Sinalubong ko ang mga mata niya. “Let me go, Achilles.” Madiin kong utos sa kanya. “N—nasasaktan na ako sa hawak mo.”

Humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin.

“Please, baby… Don’t do this to me. What did I do?” His eyes were now red and even his voice was trembling a bit.

"What happened?"

Pilit kong iniwas ang katawan ko mula sa kanya. I can’t even feel the cold wind washing through my body and maybe even through my soul. Dinala niya ako dito sa dalampasigan upang makapag-usap kami.

"Huwag mo akong tatalikuran!" He was about to hold me but I didn't let him.

All of my body was so numb.

“Let’s break up. Alin ba sa mga salitang iyon ang hindi mo maintindihan?!”

Buong akala ko ay hahayaan niya ako pero hinapit niya ako at hinigit ulit.

“How dare you stated your break up with me? After not answering my calls, Braises?!” Pagkatapos ay pabalyang niya akong binitawan. Halos matumba ako.

“f**k! f**k! What did I do?!”

I’m broken and if he’s going to fix me….I’m afraid he’ll be broken too.

"I'm sorry." Nahihirapan kong saad sa kanya.

“Please, babe. Tell me what’s wrong first.” He even knelt down in front of me. “Don’t leave me.”

Hindi ko kaya. After what I heard, hindi ko kaya.

“I’m asking you again, Achilles. Minahal mo ba ako dahil ako ang Braises na nakilala mo o ako ang babaeng naalala mo sa nakaraan mo?”

He’s hurting me too. Akala ko tapos na ang usaping ito? Who the hell that girl is, I can’t believe I am cursing her right now.

Wala siyang sagot na ibinigay sa akin.

Napaluha ako dahil sa naging reaksiyon. I was right. Hindi ako ang nakikita niya.

“Goodbye, Achilles.”

I said and kissed him for the last time.

Hinayaan niya ako at bigo akong tiningnan. I wish I was better than this.