Words That Can't Be Written

Chapter 23

I'm now in Tita Ashkenazi's condo, I am arranging my things in my room with her help. She always asks if I am comfortable or need something, and she assured me she can provide it.

She acts like she's the one who bears me for 9 months.

She cooked me my favorite dish, I wanted to ask her how she knew.

"Before I leave the Philippines, I usually talk with your father over the phone. He always tells me a story about you, I'm glad I still remember it put to good use, now that you are here living with me."

I remember that night when my dad was always busy, and my mom always cried at night. Everything I approach her she will just push me and talk bad about my existence.

Ako't ako parin ang dahilan kung bakit hindi sya kayang mahalin ni dad. I can't blame that for that cause my mom didn't even try or make an effort to make my dad fall for her.

She just always talks badly and blames my dad for that.

She always dines with different men.

She just stopped and started to date that one man. I hate that man, Karl Louie Cruzat, he ruined my mother figure, he ruined my family, and he ruined me.

I won't forgive him.

"Is it okay to ask you what happened between your mom and dad? I didn't have any news about them when I lived here for too long."

I stop eating and find a perfect world. How can I describe the family she left.

"My family is messed. My mother hated me, and she hurt me physically, and verbally, my father also did the same because, he talk ill to me, he was frustrated with my mom behavior. My mom got a new man, his name his Karl Louie Crizat, nahuli ko sila sa sariling hotel ni mommy." I stopped when I saw her react after I said that man name. Did she know him?

"What? Did they do that to you? You're their daughter!"

Ngayon lang ako nakaramdam na may kakampi ako, na kaya akong ipagtanggol, kaya akong protektahan, at kaya akong paniwalaan.

"I got a hint now, my mother hates you because my father can't love her and I look like you, maybe that's her reason why she hates me. She even said that I have your attitude."

Hindi sya nakontento sa sinabi ko, lalo pa itong ikinadagdag ng inis nya. Wala na naman iyon para saakin. Matagal na ding hindi ko nakakasama si mommy. I feel safe and peace right now. I don't have any worry.

"Still, you won't let others hurt you. Your mom won't hurt you anymore, I'm already here." She assured me that. I just smiled, and I believe her.

Kinumkop nya nga agad ako, protektahan pa kaya ay hindi nya magawa.

We eat at peace, but still, I have a question about my mother's man. Hindi ko kayang palampasin pa ang mahabang araw para malaman ang lahat. I want to revive my memories and remember the past.

"Who's that Karl Louie Cruzat? Did you know him?"

I was satisfied with her reaction. She suddenly stopped eating and looked at me worriedly. I smiled and looked for my food.

"She's her boyfriend that time when your father and mom are engaged. They are in a serious relationship."

Paliwanag niya saakin. Kung mahal na mahal pala ni mommy ang lalaking iyon, bakit umabot sa pagkakataon na kailangang maikasal siya kay daddy and be this miserable?

"Karl also got engage to other woman, nagkahiwalay din agad sila, hindi na nila pinaglaban ang isa't isa dahil buntis na din noon si Atinia, kapag nalaman ng mga magulang ko, ipapaabort nila iyon, ngunit nadepress ang mommy mo, she lost his son with Karl, then the engagement of your mom with Regiel succeed and my parents push me away. We both lost our baby. The rest is the story." Pinunasan niya ang luha na kumawala sa kanyang mata. Naawa ako sa kanyang napagdaanan.

I still wanted to know the root of my mother heartache, and why my dad can't love my mom and why may father didn't chase for her.

"Tell me more then,"

Kinuha niya ang table napkin sa tabi niya at nagpunas ng kamay doon bago niya ako binigyan ng tingin na humihingi ng paumanhin kung hindi niya magawang ipaliwanag saakin ng maayos ngunit susubukan niya.

"Astinia and Regiel married. Karl and Patricia also married. So, wala ng pagkakataon para magbalikan pa si Astinia at Karl kahit anong pilit ang kanilang gawin and I also don't have the chance to be with yoour father that made me decided to move to Italy. Also, Astinia wants me gone, she wanted to give a try to work their relationship with your father. Bago pa ako umalis ay nakita ako ng mommy mo sa kwarto ni Regiel, lasing ang papa mo and I was there to bid my last good bye, nauunawaan mo naman ako diba kung bakit ko iyon ginawa? I love your father, and I have this doubt kung ipapaalam ko ba na buntis ako sa anak namin, bago umalis. Pinangarap ko na bumuo ng kompletong pamilya with your father. Nagalit ang mommy mo and she pushed me, hindi niya sinasadya na malaglag ako sa hagdan, I lost my daughter, wala ng dahilan para manatili pa, wala ng dahilan para ipaglaban pa."

I understand now why my father doesn't want me to be with my mother. Kaya niyang pumatay para sa pagmamahal. Ngunit masaya na din si mommy, she's now with Karl. He won't do anything bad.

"Who is Patricia?" Tanong ko pa dito.

"She's your mother classmate in high school. Sa pagkakatanda ko nasa isang barkada sila. I also heard that Patricia are now married to Adiran Hidalgo, kilalang mayaman na business man sa pilipinas. Don't you ever involve yourself to them, Ashiana."

Naguguluhan ko siyang tinignan. Why?

"Your father didn't stop hunting that man, your father believe that even before, Hidalgo's group plan to kill you, para maputol ang koneksyon namin ng papa mo. Adrian was mad to your father, and till now, he still keep chasing me. Baliw ang taong iyon. Wala na kami ni Regiel bakit hindi pa rin niya kami pinapatahimik at may balak pang saktan ka? We are not related. Bakit niya gagamitin ka para lumabas ako? Pahirapan ang daddy mo? The last time I talk to your father, Adrian and Astinia has connection but I don't believe him that my sister will do that, mabuting tao ang kapatid ko despite what she did in the past. Nasasaktan siya ng mga panahong iyon."

Hanggang ngayon ay iniisip ko pa din ang sinabi niya. Ganoon ba ako kahalaga para gaitin na palabasin si Tita Ashkinezi? Saktan ang papa ko? At hikayatin si mommy na sumali sa plano nila? Kaya ba dad is trying to hide me from my mother?

Pumasok ako sa kwarto ko to prepare my clothes for tomorrow. Tita Ashkenazi will help me to familiarize myself with the environment.

I shifted my attention when someone was calling.

"Hi!" I greeted Aiden.

"How are you?" Agad na sabi niya. Nahihimigan ko ang pagod sa boses nya. Is he draining his power? Why is he doing this to himself.

"I'm good, I live under tita Ashkenazi, and..."

Pinutol nya ang sasabihin ko sa tanong na hindi ko kayang sagutin agad.

"When will you come home? You already saw your Tita. You're going back this week, right?"

I stop for a minute, I really don't know how to answer him. "Actually, I got accepted as intern here. This will help me for my exam, it will be a good credentials to me,"

Walang umimik saaming dalawa. Kinakapa ang pakiramdam at nag-iingat sa sasalitang maaring mabanggit.

Heard someone calling him, it's Tricia "Nagrereview pa kayo? Aiden, ano, yang, take your time, ako na lang tatawag sayo kapag free ka na, I love you."

"For how many months, Ashiana?"

I bit my lips before answering his question. "For three months." I honestly said.

"Ang tagal, I'll visit you every week then."

My mouth opened when he said that. Mahal ang ticket, 3 months ako rito. Sa isang buwan we have 3 weeks naloloko na ba sya?

"Nahihibang ka na ba? Pwede namang every month na lang. Mag-uusap naman tayo palagi eh. Every night? Or whenever you're free. I'll make time for that, I'll adjust my schedule for you, just make sure that every time you'll visit me, you are with your exam, and perfect mo ito."

Bumuntong hininga sya, hindi nya nagustuhan ang kondisyon ko pero alam nyang wala siyang magagawa.

"Fine, promise me na tuwing uuwi ako sayo may surprise ka!"

"Oo na, kaya nga magreview ka na! Tatawag ako mamaya. I love you." Sabi ko rito.

Nagbago ang ihip ng hangin at ramdam kong okey na sya. I motivated him and gave him enough assurance to feel at peace.

"Mahal kita, Ashiana"

I ended that call and proceeded to study for tomorrow.

Iba ang pakiramdam kapag-mahal ka.

Masarap sa pakiramdam, para kang nasa ulap.

Ikaw naranasan mo na ba ang mahalin?