C/O Academy

I am unable to learn to love impartially, I love wholely and sometimes that is a curse and sometimes its a blessing. For me its a curse, I have been seperated from my ex-husband for the past year and half. After my marriage ended I had joined the correctional field to become a Correctional Officer to hopefully to fulfill my next career change that is to become a Probation Officer. So, the academy starts April 15, and I graduate on June 15. As I gather my thoughts and convincing myself that I can succeed, I had became scared because prior to this I was a stay at home mom for awhile. But now I am on my own with my daughter, and my other three kids in another state with their father, I can't exactly say I am not going to do it because I am scared so I have to conquer this fear but in the mean time no men. I finally made to my hotel in Brighton Michigan, luckily I qualified for the hotel stay for the week cause I would never make it on time. I spent the rest of my day pressing my uniform and shinning my boots with the confidence that I will make it through this and finish. The next morning I got up at 4:30am got in the shower and stuck my hair in a sock bun, which is annoying because it takes 20 minutes to do. I am a little OCD about how my bun looks, so sometimes I have to restart but most of the time I get right the first time around. I put my uniform on and took deep breath as I brushed my teeth. Looked at myself in the mirror and told myself that I got this stay focused. I finished up put my glasses and walked out to the lobby to eat breakfast. I sat down and looked at the T.V. when a girl that had red hair blue eyes, about my heighth introducing herself as Thomas, I smiled as I was finishing up chewing my bagel. I put my hand out to shake hers and said hi, I am Brauning. May I sit with you Brauning? She had asked in her kind voice. Yeah, go ahead I motioned for her to sit. She smiled and put her bag down and her plate of food on the table. So, she said with excitment in her voice what made you join the correctional field. I have always wanted to do something in the law field so I figured I'd go for Probation. How about yourself? I had asked taking a drink of my juice. Umm.. it sounded exciting and the benefits and the pay I just couldn't pass up, she replied. Have you had pass experience in this field she continued to ask. I smiled and said yes, I was in the July 2023 class but due to family issues I had to leave. So they are making you retake the academy, her eyes darted at me. Yes, I had giggled. I checked the time and it was now 5:30am. I began to clean up, and asked Thomas if she would like to ride with me. Things are always better when you ride with someone before walking in somewhat new areas. Yes, she said. We walk to the van. You have kids she perked up? Yes, I do. How many she had asked? Four I replied two boys two girls. Lucky she replied. I smiled, I guess. We made it to the academy that I was familar with. Ready, Thomas? I am nervous she said. Don't be you know someone that has been to this academy I am not sure if the instuctures are the same but someone has knowledge on what this place is like. Take a deep breath and remember why you are doing this. We got out of the van and started to walk towards the academy. We walked to the artoruim, where there stood about 190 recruits. Thomas and I found that we are in the same Platoon except becaue they go alphatic order, I sat in front next to this guy named Cervantez, he looked at me and I looked at him. He smiled and said hi. I said hello and sat down. But what I didn't know, was this guy and I are going to click like we have known eachother for years. We sat there quitely until Luitent walked in to teach recruits what I had already knew from the previous academy. He walked over to me and pointed and lipped I know you. I smiled and said I know, I am back I promised I'd be back and here I am. He gave me a smile and a wink. We sat down and Cervantez looked at me ever so confused. What was that all about. I laughed at his facial expression, I had done this academy before back in July. There are new instructures but some I am familar with. I turned my head to scan the whole entire room, and noticed a boy that had blue eyes and blond hair caught my eye. His facial expression when he looked directly at me was timid, hurt, and a tad bit mean. I couldn't really tell honestly his face was just a blank mean face. But I could tell in his eyes that he was hurting, something was bothering him, he felt as if he was alone in the world. I knew that look, that feeling of feeling alone, hurt and angry. Its a whole that could be never be filled, because people were so cold and cruel in this world. Makes it harder for me and others like me to function in this world. But myself makes what I have work with a smile on my face. I turned away, going back into focus mode and had to remind myself that I am not here to fix or help anyone I am here to get my life together. To provide a good life for my kids and get my career started. But something tells me its not going to be that easy especially with the body language he is giving off only because I can relate. But thats not what I am here for I kept reminding myself. Thomas, Cervantez are in Platoon 3, they had called us to get our work computers that we were allowed to take home and study. Luckily for me because I have taken this before I didn't need to study very much. We had began to take notes, which I didn't need to do but did anyway. I had raised my hand and offered if they would like my notes write their work e-mail down. By the end of the day I recieved everyones e-mails. I walked out and took a deep breath and walked to my car with Thomas, I was dead exhausted. Hey, girly Thomas said as she got in the van. Hey I replied with a smile. What was that guy and you all about? What are you talking about I made a confused look. The guy that has blond hair and blue eyes, yall locked on each other like yall knew one another. Oh, umm.. nothing I had said as I put my key in the ignition to start the van. No, she said I know it's something sounding so presistant. Thomas really I giggled nothing, I don't know him and he doesn't know me. Mhmm... I think you should talk to him she replied. Thomas, I gave the side eye, giggling, I am not here to quote on quote make friends except one and you filled that seat. Thomas looked at me and smiled, almost like a kid in a candy store.