For You

Midnight Memories

It was Monday morning and the sky was overcast with thick semi black clouds. I pull myself out of my bed completely against my will to get ready for school. As I get in the shower the water drops were beating down on my bare skin and me thinking about him. I put on a floral skirt with a white top . I complete my look by straightening my hair since it looked all frizzy from last night. Slipping in some white denim shoes I get down to see mom and dad, who were laughing and chattering in the dining room. Entering the room I see Alex telling jokes to them .

"Hey El. Good Morning."

"Morning," I say not adding good to the sentence. Because how could it be good when I am not okay and I miss my best friend .

I eat the breakfast silently which is not like me. Mom and dad were getting tensed so before they could ask me something I get out of the house taking Alex along.

"Are you okay?"

Without facing him I get inside the car responding madly , "Everyone needs to stop asking me that."

We reach school and I spent my entire day talking to none . At lunch , I was huddling in the line to get a muffin where I feel a presence standing behind me . A wave of cold minty air crashed on my neck. Dave whispers in my ears bringing back that old shiver to my skin,"Can I talk to you for a minute ?"

I stand away from the line affirming , "Okay."

We stood in front of the wide window where he heavily sighed, " I am sorry I couldn't tell you earlier. But you have to believe me it might not be true. " And that caught my attention hard .

"What?"

My tone could express that little hint of joy inside me.

"Yeah, she said that she's not sure about it yet . I am not the only guy she's been with in that week before summer camp."

He looked disappointed. I look at Abby talking to Maggie in the other table . Somehow, I think she is lying. Because if it's not Matt she slept with then who else could it be .

"And you believed her?" I say condescended.

"Yes" he replies reclining .

"Fine" I say as I try to leave but he stops me adding.

"Ellie you know you can't tell anyone . No one knows about it yet. "

Giving him no response I leave the cafeteria for the backyard of the school . I stand beside the dumpster humming to myself , "It could be his." "He won't be mine."

Rest of the classes I skip and the Principal called my dad to speak again. I was in the room watching them talking about me while my mind was thinking about Dave all over again . After the meeting I get out of the room and my dad speaks , "Ellie , What's wrong honey ? "

I sigh, "Dad, if I tell you, will you promise to help me ?"

My dad was freaking out. Pretty sure, that's how every teenage dad would react to find his daughter acting depressed. But in my case, my dad has always been a bit extra as per the circumstances, I am the only child.

'' Of course dear! You are making me worried . What is it? "

That's the time I decided to take a decision I might regret later . But I couldn't find the switch to off the thoughts, the thoughts that were slowly making me feel like a corpse . The guilt was covering me up . Maybe if hadn't started something with Dave , he would still be my best friend but that one kiss ruined it all. The one kiss that all it took to take my best friend away from me .

I didn't want to be selfish .

If it's his baby than the baby needs both of his parents . For which, I had to take this opportunity .

Dad leaves for preparing the things I asked for while Abby walks towards me which was surprising to see .

"Hi Ellie."

"Hi.." I reply with a straight face.

"I assume you know about it."

She looks at her belly as I gave an insincere laugh , "You don't have to to prove me like that."

"I just wanted you to know that Dave will be mine. He has always been mine. " She says confidently.

Abby's words sounded childish to me. Because, if someone really loves you, you don't need to show or prove it anyone other than you. You don't wanna make anyone jealous other than yourself. Because, it's yourself at the end of the day you have to make believe that he truly loves you. Then, why waste time on other's opinion and thoughts?

''That's the thing you wanted to tell me? " I ask annoyed.

"No...there was another thing . But when time will come you will know that too eventually," saying she leaves the ground while I stood there weakly .

My knees were shaking. I presume I would fall. But, the memories were keeping me strong.

The later in the evening I text Dave to meet me . I wanted to be little selfish this time . Today will be the last time. Today I am going to speak from my heart.

He rings the bell while I open it running down the stairs hurriedly like a crazy person. He looks at me surprised to see me smiling . I grab his hand and we drive to the nearest park beside the lake.

"You look in a good mood ."

I was pressed back to his car. I giggle , "Yeah I am ." I face him standing in front of him getting lost in his milky brown eyes. He places both of his hands on my face and intently looks into my eyes.

'' I missed you a lot El. ''

I smile listening but the pain was still showing.

" I know I have been a bit crazy this week. "

He laughs , "Well, you have the reason to be ."

"No, I just wanted to have you with me. " I explain.

He reaches for my hand to kiss it , "I am always with you, El. "



The sun was dawning reflecting itself on the river. The orange sky above us was giving me the environment to express myself fully this one last time. I took the urge to say, "Dave, I didn't plan to lose my best friend . You were the best thing that ever happened to me ."

His lips shows a curve as I hug him while his hands wrapped around me . My head laid on his chest and I could listen to the rhythm of his heart beating, wondering they were for me.



We ended up having fun that night . Doing things we always did . Eating pizzas while strolling down the empty streets, where his arm were draped over my shoulders as his fingers stroked my upper arm.

Spying on my neighbor's room foolishly and lastly sitting on the rooftop stargazing. The dark night was something I was overgrown to along this quietness among us. My head was rested on his right arm while we both were lost looking at the sky and sharing the same headphone, listening to our songs.

At midnight, I take him to my room where we slowly enter the house tip toeing . We crash on my bed together and I look at him deeply exploring his eyes while he looks at mine. My body gets closer to his like magnets. I get on top him while his hands were holding down my waist, around my lower back.

We were not high or anything. We both were aware what was happening and both were sensing this was right.

Cupping his cheeks with my hands, I slowly plant a kiss on his lips . The second our lips part away he says something , words I always craved for .

"I love you El. "

As soon as the words came out of his mouth my heart swell in my chest. I greet our lips again sneaking a smile . He gently rolls me over growing the kiss.

The window was open and the moonlight was falling on us creating a shadow over the wall like it's the happy and together us in another universe ; making the night more special .



In the morning, I wake up before him . Seeing him beside me sleeping, it was a scenario my mind could relive again and again . My head placed above his heart and I could still see some pizza sauce underneath his lips . My mouth automatically brings a smile . It wasn't the first time Dave and I slept on the same bed . However, it was first time we felt each other completely .

Realizing it was 5 am, I wake him up uttering his name through the same lips which still hadn't given him the answer from last night .

'' Dave, '' my voice echoed.

The presence of shyness was available in it. His eyes opened like the eye lids were too heavy and tired from yesterday .'

'Good Morning El! '' He yawned like a baby. He smiled at me before entwining me into his arms . I wriggle a little annoyed that he held me too tightly.

'' Dave! '' I groan.

Our head laid on one pillow, his head resting on mine. I pause complaining when I note this feeling is breathtaking and too special. The air calmed down along me. The wind escaped into the room through the window, rattling it. The curtains were flying by itself. I stopped squirming glimpsing at his face.

Being astonished by the calmness spread over the room he sneaked his view through one eye to check if I am okay. The sunlight reflects on my face through the peek of the curtain. The white sheets were covering my body clinging to his. My face was bare , my hair looked all messy but still he had the same affection in his eyes , eyes that turns my mouth dry.

'' You gotta go! '' I continue before he makes up an excuse.

'' Can't I stay a little more?'' He begs with his raw morning voice.

'' I.. ''

His golden sparkly eyes making me whimsy as I leave the sentence incomplete. I stop hiding under the blanket pulling myself out.

I prepare myself to say softly, '' You have to go now. ''

I was smart enough to claim that normally. I didn't want him to find out.

Gathering his clothes , I push him out of the house heartbreakingly before mom and dad could see . I give him a reason that I will see him at school when he didn't want to leave. I get ready to pack my luggage.

Last night was planned to be special. Because, I wanted a piece of him this last time . I wanted a memory to hold on . I know we had plenty of memories as friends but last night was more than I could have imagined .

It was more than just friends .

I write a letter instead of texting because I am an old soul . In that letter , I say everything I wanted to have with him and everything I am grateful for. I know he like always is waiting for me in school and it breaks my heart that I can't say goodbye . Because, I hate good-byes .

The car will arrive at 12 o' clock. So, I still had a couple of hours left in my hand and every minute every second I was praying to not see him again . My decision will probably help him to choose . I am not a coward but today I am ready to be . Dave grew up without his father. Because he wasn't expected . His dad always loved his high school sweetheart which made him marry her in the end . But, Dave's mom never got that chance to marry the love of her life. Because of this reason , Dave never got that family love . No matter how much his step dad tried to show his love he always told me he missed his biological father more . That even a single call would make him jump on the bed like a 5 year old kid . I didn't want Dave's baby to go through the same thing. So, I am forced to leave everything behind me including the thing which is the closest piece of my heart .

When the clock ticks 12 o' 5 I hear the bell ringing . I check to see the car but instead it was someone unpredicted .

"Alex?"

His face was tensed up . Sweats were visible on his forehead and eyebags like he hadn't slept for days .

"What are you doing here ?" I ask not letting him come in . I didn't want him to see the suitcases placed on the table. I get out shutting the door behind me .

"Is everything okay?" I ask worried.

"Yeah..it is." His words were stammering like he's afraid of something .

"Why didn't you come to school?"

"I was feeling sick."

"But you know you might get expelled because of this . "

"No, it's fine my parents talked to the principal . " I cover a lie with a lie.

"Oh! okay. But.." he stops while I was curious to know .

"But what ?"

"Ellie , I haven't told you something. "

"Told me what?"

"The baby isn't Dave's ." I force a laugh thinking Alex is probably trying to make me feel okay.

"How could you be so sure, Alex? Let's not joke about this okay ? "

But I didn't know that the whole bonding between me and Alex was just a facade. I didn't know that all this time he was with me just to spy on me . All this time he knew about the truth and not just the truth . He knew what was happening . Like he was controlling it , controlling my life by faking the friendship.

"No! I am telling the truth . I know this because it's mine. "