Holding On

Chapter 3

Alli's P.O.V

I sat and talked about everything. I told him about all the new things that Alex had learned in school. I told him how much I missed him being here with us. I needed him to know how much I still loved him.

"Nick if you can hear me please watch over us and keep us safe." I said my eyes filling with tears.

I sat there until the sun went down just pouring my heart out. Wishing that somehow, he was listening to me.

"Allie, you need to come home already." Macy's voice came from behind me scaring me. I was so lost in my thoughts and sadness that I did not hear her walk up.

"You know it's not good for the baby for you to be so upset. I know you miss him." She said helping me to my feet.

"I know that things seem like they will never get better. This is all still so raw, but I have faith that one day you will wake up and it won’t hurt as much.” She said her eyes filled with emotion.

"I'm not ready to walk away from him yet. I feel so empty and broken. I feel close to him being here. It hurts me to keep walking away and knowing that I'm leaving him here."

"I just miss him." I said putting my hand on my stomach sorrowful that our daughter would never meet her father.

"I can't leave him Macy, not again."

“Allie it's about to rain, please think of Alex and Ari." She said pulling out her phone.

I knew that I was being reckless and selfish, but I just couldn’t walk away. I could hear her talking but I could not make out what she was saying or who she was talking to.

 The rain finally started to fall, and I shivered at the coldness.

I closed my eyes and spun around thinking of all the times I had with Nick and Alex playing in the rain. My tears started coming faster and harder. The crying finally turned into loud sobs that made it hard for me to catch my breath.

 I leaned on Nick's gravestone needing to be close to him. Macy was screaming something, but I was so caught up with trying to catch my breath that I didn't understand a word she was saying.

 Suddenly my breathing calmed, and my sorrow faded, and I was being lifted into the air. I felt so warm and safe I opened my eyes and looked into the green eyes of Matthew.

“Put me down,” I yelled angry that he was touching me.

“I can’t,” he said carrying me to the car kicking and screaming.

He pulled the seat belt carefully around the baby clicking it in place.

 I cried the whole ride back to my house refusing to look or speak to him.

When we pulled into my driveway, I opened my door and hurried inside slamming the front door behind me.

Matthew walked through the door, Macy behind him.

She ran upstairs and came back with Alexander. “We are going to get some food.” She said before rushing out the door.

“Why are you here?” I yelled.

“You know why.”

“You do not get to come here and make me hurt less.”

“Think about the baby Allie.”

“Don’t go there.”

“I loved him. I will always love him. We were happy.” I said placing my hand on my belly.

“Every time I look at Alex, I’m so grateful to still have a piece of him. I close my eyes and I can imagine him talking to Ari like he did every night.” I said tears running down my face.

He stared back at me with both love and sadness. But he didn’t say a word. Being this close to him right now was hard for me.

“Allie…” he said reaching out and taking my hand in his.

I hated that he always had to come to my rescue. I hated how It must hurt him every time he had to come knowing that I was not his. That I was grieving for someone else.

Deep down I was afraid to admit that I loved him, and that I always had.

He was something that could have been and maybe should have been. But thinking that way would mean that I would have not loved and been with Nick.

That thought was totally out of the question. Nick was and would always be my everything. He was my one no matter how I felt about Matthew.

Matthew's P.O.V

Hearing Macy sound so despite had me dropping everything and running to my car. I drove so fast that I was surprised that I did not get a ticket.

My heart had broken for Allie. Seeing her tiny frame with her bulging belling leaning against Nick's headstone. The rain was falling hard and she seemed oblivious to it all. She was so innocent and beautiful even in sorrow her. Her love for Nick was evident. It was going to take time for her to move on and I was not going to rush her.

When I picked her up and held her close to my chest the warmth had spread threw my body like fire threw my veins.

She had looked up at me with those pretty eyes of hers and my world had stopped. For a second I forgot how to breath. I was speechless my brain only registered that I needed to get her out of the rain.

She had fought me all the way to the car. She was angry and I couldn’t say that I blamed her.

When she was safe in my car I drove around debating on if I should take her home with me or take her to her house.

Deciding that she may not react well to being taken to my house I drove her home.

I hadn’t expected her to lash out at me so hard.

She hated what she felt for me while she was still grieving the loss of her husband.

Her tears tore me up inside.

I lifted her into my arms, and she didn’t fight me.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and laid her head in the crook of my neck.

I carried her up to her room my body warming hers.

She was soaking wet and I was afraid she would catch a cold.

I set her down and made my way around the room. I went to her dresser and pulled the dresser drawers open until I found what I was looking for.

Nicks clothes. I grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of his sweats and handed them to her. She needed the comfort that his clothes would give her.

She walked into her bathroom and closed the door behind her.

I looked around the room so many memories everywhere you looked of Nick and their live together.

I knew that she couldn’t stay here. Not with all the memories haunting her.

What I was about to do was going to piss her off, but I didn’t care. I needed to do what was best for her.

I knew what I had to do. What I knew she needed even if she didn’t realize it. When she walked out of the bathroom, I picked her back up and headed out of the house with her.

Now that she was calmer, she didn’t fight me.

 I headed out the door to my car. Her and Alex were going home with me and nothing and no one was going to stop me from taking them there.

I called Macy and told her to pack their stuff and bring it over.

She belonged to me and I was going to protect her even If I had to protect her from herself. She needed to be calm for the baby and I was going to make sure she stayed that way. Alex was my son now and that little girl was my daughter now too.

She was my mate and I would love anyone that came from her. Blood or not. In my heart they were mine and I knew deep down that Nick would approve. I would love them and take care of them like they were my own.

Macy's P.O.V

I ran around the house trying to get Allie and Alex's things together. I never expected Matthew to pull a move like that, but I was glad that he did. Allie needed to be away from here for a while. She needed to heal. I grabbed my things too because Allie was not going anywhere without me. She was my best friend, but she was also my Luna. Now Alpha and it was my job to protect her. Nick would have wanted that.

I picked up the phone and called Allie's dad and let him know what was going on. He blew out a breath and gave his blessing. He knew that Allie was a wreak and needed to be with Matthew even if she didn't. Allie was Alpha, and she needed to be okay to run the pack. She needed to show strength and power even in her darkest hour.

I grabbed the bags and grabbed Alex's hand closed and locked the doors behind us and headed to our new home. This was going to be interesting I could not wait to see how this played out.