The Loveliest Man

I Still Love You

I Still Love You

“ I remember you told me you loved me for the first time here.” I said

We’re laying on the bed while Jake holds me, and I look around the room.

“Love, not loved, I still love you. I always will.

“When you left i thought this wasn’t real, that we both don’t know what love feels like. I thought that you never loved me. I thought I wasn’t good enough.” I said looking down at my fidgeting fingers.

“I’m so sorry I made you feel that way, but you have to know, you are good enough. You’re beautiful, talented, and can manage a business by yourself.” Jake said, holding my face.

“My dad doesn’t seem to think so. He thinks that when it comes to business, I’m a woman and a woman can’t do anything.”

“You inspire me. I don’t know how you do it when it comes to your dad. He seems to always try to bring you down. I don’t like it.”

“I don’t know why he’s like that. All I know is that he has had resentment towards me ever since I was born. I’ve never felt that he loved me.”

“I’m sure he loves you, who couldn’t. You're amazing.”

“Thank you...uhhh, I don’t feel good.” I said running to the bathroom

I crouched at the toilet, just as puke came out my mouth. It just kept going and not stopping.

Jake ran to me and held my hair.

“Oh baby...how can I help?’

I couldn't say anything as puke still rushed out my mouth.

“Hey is everything ok in there?” My mother yelled.

“No, Avina’s puking and I don't know what to do.” Jake said.

My mom rushed through the door and into the bathroom. Puke was all over the toilet and It finally stopped.

“Momma, what’s wrong with me?” I said with tears in my eyes.

I never liked being sick. Ever since I was a kid throwing up has been the worst. It feels like my esophagus is being ripped into pieces and it’s sore after. 

“Oh honey.” My mom said as she caressed my head.

Then it started again, the puking. My moment of peace, gone. I don’t know what to say or do all I want is for it to stop, I knew Jake nor my mother could help me.

Finally it stopped, and Jake took me to my bed. I laid down to rest, but I couldn’t because... 

“No, no and no. You have to get some food in you, you just threw everything in that little belly of yours. Get cleaned up, have Jake help you, and come eat dinner.” My mom said in her motherly tone. She left the room and closed the door behind her.

I groaned, not wanting to get up when my body was aching.

“I don’t have to help, I totally understand if you would feel too uncomfortable. Especially after I hurt you.” he said, looking down with a face full of regret and sorrow.

“Actually I'm comfortable with you helping me. My body aches and I don’t think I can do it myself.” I said.

Jake walked over to me and picked me up bridal style. He carried me to the bathroom, and sat me on a chair in front of my vanity.

“I won’t look.” Jake said turning around so he couldn’t see me undress.

I tried to take off my shirt but it was too tight, I needed help.

“Jake can you please just help me, I don’t care if you see me. You’ve already seen me naked anyway.” I said begging him to relieve my joints from the shirt.

“I saw your body without your permission. I disrespected you, and forced you into something you didn't want. I’ll NEVER forgive myself!” He said turning around.

“I forgive you no need to beat yourself up about it.” I said reaching for him.

He stepped back.

“This was a mistake, I should have never let your mom convince me into talking to you. You didn’t know I was Jake and none of this would’ve happened if I just stayed away.” he said turning to leave.

“No, I don’t want you to stay away, I just got you back.” I said as my eyes started to water.

“Wash up and eat. You should be the one to tell your mom the wedding’s off. Tell her I no longer want you.” I grabbed his arm so he couldn’t leave.

“Please, don’t leave me.” I said as tears ran down my face.

He yanked his arm back and left out of the bathroom, shortly after she heard her bedroom door slam shut. She knew she shouldn’t have asked him to help her. The tears rushed down her face.

She pulled off her shirt with a lot of trouble, and then the rest of her clothes. She got into the warm bathtub water and washed the puke smell off her body. She cried harder as she did so.

Jake:

The saying is, if you love someone you have to let them go. I can’t bear living the rest of my life with Avina and feel good. I don’t deserve to have her. She’s everything I want and need, but I’m not good for her. I’m a bad influence and she doesn’t need me as much as I need her. She’ll get over me eventually, I mean I r***d her how could she forgive me so easily. 

As I came down the stairs her mother was around the corner waiting. I smiled.

‘Where’s the guest room, I’m not hungry.” I said trying to make it seem like everything was ok. Avina needs to tell her own mother that we’re  not getting married.

“Oh, why don’t you sleep with Avina? I’m sure she’ll be happy too.” she said.

“Umm… no I think she’ll feel more comfortable if I sleep elsewhere.” I said.

“Um ok. Go up the stair and the room next to Avina’s is a guest room.”

“I want to be farther apart than that, she doesn’t feel well and I want to give her her space.”

“Ok, the room three door down from Avina’s is also a guest room.” Her mother responded.

I could tell she was suspicious. So I ran to the room as fast as I could without actually running.

When I got in the room without running into Avina is when I finally let out a breath.