The Loveliest Man

The Heartache

Avina:

I woke up the next morning feeling an ache all over my body. It hurt do bad in my core that I didn't even bother to move.  I tried to open my eyes, but it even hurt to do that.

I decided to keep my eyes closed until I could open them without it hurting. Then I remembered what happened to me.

The man who I thought was just angel sent form heaven r***d me. It feels like her ruined my life I don't even know if he's the one for me but I have to marry him.

It's all apart of my religion and just thinking about what her did to me caused my heart to ache. I hate what he did to me but I also hate myself even more for liking it. I'm not even going to lie I was attracted to him, and when he was inside of me I was the best me I've seen in a long time.

To be completely honest I loved that he was my first time and it felt so good but I just wished he waited until I wanted to have s*x. I feel like I've been denied my right to say no and I don't like it. 

He made me feel powerless and took the one thing from me that I knew I would always have until I was married. I held on to my virginity for a long time because I wanted it to be with someone that I knew I would spend the rest of my life with.

I barely know Jacob and I don't know if he is what I think he is. The worse part was that he knew my religion, he knew if i had s*x with a man I would have to marry them. That was just how it worked. If the man agreed to marry me then I would absolutely have too marry him, even if I don't love him.

I know it seems kind of old fashioned but my mom built me on certain beliefs and morals and I would like to follow in her foot steps. She always held me on high standards and I wanted to make her proud so I vowed to not have s*x until I was married and if I did then I would have to marry that man.

My mom cherished her virginity and taught me to do the same, so right at this moment I felt like a angel that the others banished because of my sins.

I didn't try to open my eyes again yet but I could feel the tears running down my cheeks as I laid in the bed. I started to sob and pray for god to forgive me for my sins.

"Avina, whats wrong why are you crying?" Jacob said while holding my arm.

That's the moment I had the courage to finally try to open my eyes and look at him.

"How could you, you knew what I would have to do, why would you do this to me?" I said sobbing loudly.

"I thought you liked it, I mean it seemed to feel good right?"

"Really? It's not about that s*x is suppose to feel good, it's supposed to be memorable. But you took my choice away from me, the choice of when I was going to have s*x, with whom I was gong to have it with, and who I was going to marry. You took it all and I will never forgive you." I said staring up at him. I got off the bed slowly because I was still hurting.

"I'm sorry Avina I just wanted you so badly and, I knew if I had my way with you, you would have to marry me, I just wanted to be with you." He said walking slowly towards me as I backed away.

" I was really starting to like you I probably would have married you when I got to know you better. When I was absolutely sure you were who I wanted. I understand you wanted to me but what about me? Do I not get to choose who I wanted to be with? What you did was selfish and don't make it seem like you love me. You only wanted to have s*x with me, and your only willing to marry me because then you'll have me all to yourself for as long as I live. So you can f**k me whenever you want, that's all you want." I said with bitter.

I ran to the bathroom in his room and locked the door behind me. I felt so dirty I turned on the shower with the temp on steaming hot knowing the to clean something the best is in hot water.

I striped my clothes and looked at my body in the mirror. My body didn't belong to me anymore it belonged to him and  hated that. I got in the steaming shower and scrubbed my body like never before. I bathed myself 5 times before I turned off the water and I still wasn't satisfied.

I put on a clean robe and sat in the bathroom looking at myself in the mirror.

Jacob: 

I can't believe what I just done I thought she would love me afterwards not hate me. To be honest I was only doing what her mother asked me too. She told me to make her fall in love with me. I already loved her and watched her from a distance and when her mother found out she said that I can be with her I don't have to watch her on the sidelines. 

Her words to me exactly: 'If you really love her fight for her and don't give up get to know her see if she'll love you back. Sitting here and watching her isn't going to get you anywhere' 

Ok, she didn't tell me to r**e her and all but I'm not very patient and I wanted her to love me and now so we could get married soon, but it seems I just messed it up for myself. She'll never forgive me but I have to be the perfect husband for her and love, protect, and cherish her like a husband should. She might not forgive me but it can't hurt to try.

Avina:

"Can you please come out of the bathroom now, please. I'm so sorry about what I did to you I was wrong. Please let me make it up to you." He said knocking at the door I had been in here a good 45 mins after the shower.

I wasn't going to come out of the bathroom and I wasn't going to forgive him.

"Please, I'm so sorry. Look, I love you and I've always have for years...please just let me in so I can explain." He sobbed. 

This caught me so off guard, why was he crying?

 I opened the door and sat down in a chair in the bathroom. Jacob came in behind shutting the door and locking it.