Infinitely Infinite

Chapter-19

Germany :

The day was almost nearing it's end. I and Akshay reached our suite after finishing the work for the day. We ate our dinner in plain sulk. When my phone beeped, when I received a reply text from her. Akshay gawked at me.

'Tarun, this is too much!  Did you ask her something? Or console her when she was in hold of grief? The next day, you rushed to the officewithout even taking care of her! Stop doing this Tarun! She is your wife, not a stranger. Now don't say you hate her! After all, i am your friend! I know what's going on! You don't have to pretend, just to show off or to prove something huge and great about your ego. Thrash it!'he ended fiercely. He then continued, facing right at me, 'You're just blowing up your ego and self pride out of the proportion! Look! your love and life is going to be ruined because of your feckless ego. That is good for nothing!'  he finished it at ease but this time he was very much weighty and solemn in his interference.

'Akshay! ' i said, collecting and composing myself. I wanted to tell everything to him candidly, about how i felt about Heera.

' Now, please don't point up something rubbish! Don't emphasize your ego! ' he said.

' Ok, listen! Let me make something clear! ' i said softly looking him and he symbolically gestured asking me to proceed.

' I know! I know that i am egoistic, too much of ego that; I won't waive and forgo anymore for anything or anyone. But this girl has banged  me so hard. Swept me off my feet! Once in lifetime and in this entire lifetime, this girl is my wife and life! It's easier to stand away and see me growling at her; no one knows what's happening in me! You don't know, how effort full it was to stand away from her while she was in grief! ' as i was saying, my stiff and well sculpted body loosened and my eyes softened and the normal hatred in my orbs sprinted off.

Akshay stood dumb and observed the chaos; that was abruptly visible on my face.

'I will come back in a jiffy!'  i said and strode into the other room to grab my haversack. I came back with an affidavit of documents. Akshay, leaped forward to clutch the papers from my hold.

'Tarun! ' he said which indeed sounded Tarooooooonnn; when he looked at those papers.

' Yes, those are license papers! Those papers for which she struggled for! For which, a p*****t tried to a***e her! Because of which, i got to know that i can't see her in dejection and heartbreak. Her glee and grief have towering clash on me. All i wanted is to keep her happy which i didn't work on till now. I haven't been cognizant of all these weird instinction until recently. ' i said, breathing heavily!

' Dei*, How did you get these papers? ' Akshay asked me hastily!

I stroked my hair and rubbed my face with my palm and looked away! And then I started,' Look, the next day after this happened, I had to leave her alone with Maya and rush to office. Right?! But before rushing to the office I went and  met the state minister to lodge a complain against that b****y, arrogant officer and seek permission for building her hospital. Fortunately, i got it done through Rahul, the CEO of Rish group of companies; he is chummy with the minister. Moreover, all the files were clear and it was wholly the b****y administrator's fault to ask for bribe! ' i finished and my body ossified as i begun cursing the officer again, mentally!

Akshay approached me and patted my back. By doing so, he was trying to calm me down.

I inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly! Looked at him. ' I get locked man! Whenever our eyes confront eachother's !Every single time her gaze would penetrate my soul! Penetrate my soul and hit my sick head that i am falling for her. ' i finished and rubbed my forehead again and sighed with a relief!

' Come on! Call her and open up all these now. Right now! ' he said and threw the phone into my hands.

' What?! ' i shouted, being pushed into  the shock zone.

' A minute back, you confessed that you love her and recited huge dialogues about her to me. Call her and do the same! ' he replied casually!

I shrugged my shoulders, and he stopped me and said,' Tarun, ain't kidding! I am serious! Call her and say everything right now! ' he said in a serious, bossy tone and gazed at me.

' What I told you is what i feel! I am not sure, if the feeling is mutual! Try to understand, Akshay. I can't do this!! '  i said nodding my head double quickly.

He laughed so hard, that it hurt his stomach. He wrapped his arms around his abdomen and without any pause laughed hard again.

' What man are you, Tarun? You like her! Ok, love her! And you don't even know, what sort of feelings she has for you! You're loony! ' he said and i gawked at him.

' Okay okay, cool! Okay, now you are supposed to perform an important mission! Mission getting Heera! ' he said and laughed again.

' Dei*, don't laugh! These things were not meant for me in the past. But you know how to do all these! ' i said and he started to talk.

' Impress her man. Make her feel that you're her man. Make her realize that you can't live without her. ' he said and i was rolling my eyes, being not able to catch up the thing.

' What? Impress?? But how to? ' i asked  him with usual reaction on my face, rolling my eyes again.

' See, impress means, give cues to her. Make her feel your love for her. Ok? It doesn't mean that you've to gift things like an eighteen years old boy. ' he said.

' Okay, now. The first step! Dial her and ask her if she is okay and how is she doing! See, it's been three days and you didn't talk to her. ' he said and looked at me.

' Talk to her? On phone? This has to be done? Seriously?! ' i asked with a panic stricken face.

He saw me, like he is going to beat me up next, if i opposed what he said.

' Okay, cool! I will call her! ' i said courageously. But inwardly my whole body was shivering.

Tarun, you're going to talk to your girl! Your wife! So, what's your problem? Come on! Talk to her. Ask her if she'd missed you in these three days. Tell her that you missed her like the stupendous, scatttered sky. Make her feel that everything is going to be okay. Now, you have to talk to her atleast to let her know that you care for her. She is hurt already and don't make her run away from your life.

All these thoughts kept whirling inside me and i shouted at Akshay! 's**t, akshay! What will i do if she decides to go away from me? I mean, she is hurt! Hurt by me! I have been so arrogant to her all these days. Oh my god! What will i do if she goes away from me? No! this shouldn't happen. I need her in my life, forever! FOREVER! ' i closed my eyes tightly and opened after few seconds and i assured him  that I'll call her.

I dialled her number on my phone and and my heart started to pound and pint. My pulses went high and hit the ceiling and i began to sweat profusely. I felt deeper and deeper for her. I called her and brought the phone close to my ears.  I was both tensed and delighted to hear her voice after so many days.  I imagined how she'd be feeling seeing my number on her phone display. I was eager for her to attend the call but to my dismay, i just heard an information that the mobile phone is switched off. s**t! Tarun! That's okay, you will be back in home in a day. You can go and talk to her there  straight. I bucked up myself.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

The past three days, I was tired soon because i was busy shuttling to the US embassy for my Visa approval. I had to lie to Maa that I was going to the hospital. But i went for the endorsement of my US visa. Each and every moment i was dieing deep down. Normal, mortality had its impact on my body and soul will be living. But here, on the other way around my body was subsisting despite my soul being done for the life. Though i repeated myself that i shouldn't be emotional in this situation; my heart didn't listen to what i said.

After so many intricacies, i got my visa approved.  I drove back home and started to pack my things. Wherever i go, i knew that his memories will never stop haunting me, but still as a try to move on with my life, i believed that i can. I should go away from him.

I packed my dresses and few essential items. All through the process, i didn't shed even a drop of tear because i was tired, ragged and fragmented of crying since past few days. The day came to an end. Finally, i curled up myself on the couch thinking and thinking which lead to over thinking. I looked up the wall clock. There were only five hours left for my flight.

I got up, cared not to dress up with no much intensity. I wore my capris and a kaftan top; tied my hair up in a bun. A messy bun! When my whole life is a mess, who cares about the hair being messy! I grabbed my huge, devilish haversack and my mobile phone.  I also didn't forget to take the watch. I am sorry Shriya and Maya, i am not telling you both about this! I apologized to them within myself.  When i was standing looking at his portarit with a false courage, it was too hard to hold back my tears. I didn't know, what made me to go to that one single portarit of Tarun; my Adonis!

' I am sorry Tarun. I am leaving! I am going away from your land and life. Make your life beautiful and be happy! I know that you've many wonderful people around you who can set everything right for you.  For few days, I've been in a fantasy that i would get a chance to make you happy and live happily with you. But i am going far now to live without you. ' i babbled in a low voice, stroking his face gently on the portarit with tears cascading from my reddish, puffy face. I then regained and gathered all my strength that were supposed to be alive in me. At times, life shows you and makes you realize how strong you're, with the heaping up difficulties!

I got a stick note and wrote,

'Sorry for hurting you all these days. Thank you for giving those hearty pleasures that I've never seen and thanks again for taking them back! Good bye, Tarun! Stay cool and composed. 

-Heera'

Then, i stuck this note to above his bedside. I knew that maa was on bad knees and she wouldn't climb upstairs to notice this.

I picked one from the tissue bundle and wiped off my face neatly like nothing happened. For one last time, i gazed at the room aimlessly with a frowned face. I clutched my wallet and passport and hid it in my haversack. I came out of the room and locked it from the outside. That's it! Your union with this room is dead! I took a long breath.

I climbed down the stairs and neared Maa.

'Maa, i have to leave now. ' i said, forcing a smile on my face.

She came towards me and looked at me sincerely, stroked my hair and kissed my forehead.

' Go, do your work earnestly! And try to come back soon.  I will miss you much! ' she said.

' I will miss you too Maa.! ' i said, from the bottom of my heart.

' Dial up on regular basis! Ok? ' she said, smiling.

' Sure Maa! ' this time, i lied because i am not going to call.

She then asked our driver to drop me at the hospital. With no other go, i went and leaped into the car and got dropped at the hospital. I strode down and waited for the car to vanish from my sight. Once, when i made sure that the car drove away, i boarded an auto rickshaw and got down at the International Airport!

After all the security procedures, I was waiting at the boarding lounge to board my flighy to California! Yes, i was going to Anusha madam. I knew that she would offer me a shelter and a job there, in her own infirmary. More than a shelter and a job, she could peace out my heart and i was sure about it. When i was deep in my thoughts, my phone rang and the display said it was Shriya.  I didn't know if i should attend the call. Zealously, i didn't want to. I waited for the call to get disconnected and hastily, i switched off my mobile phone and put into my pocket.

In the next half an hour, i boarded my flight. The plane took off I am going away, Tarun! These one side feelings are too much to handle, especially when you're beside me. I am sorry and ashamed that i broke our rule. I am moving out!