You Light The Way

Astra Castro

August 2015

“Say PRESENT once your surname is called,” Ma’am Jonnah said in a calm voice while opening the attendance. Astra was in deep thought as the teacher began to do the roll call in alphabetical order.

“Ms. Alvaro”

“PRESENT”

“Ms. Buenaflor”

"PRESENT"

"Ms. Caali,"  and it continues until it was Astra’s turn to say 'present.

“Ms. Castro,” called by the teacher, but she was could not answer, making the teacher reiterate her surname while asking, “Is she absent?”

“Hey, tawag ka ni Ma’am,” Kalix poke her in the back as she seems very occupied.

“Oh, sorry. Present ma’am,” she spoke shyly due to what happened.

“Next time, be attentive, or I may mark you absent,” Ma’am Jonnah replied in a concerned tone.

Astra nodded in response as her teacher continues the roll call.

“So before anything else, as your adviser, I would encourage everyone to choose a club now for the upcoming school event,” her teacher merrily spoke.

“I have here forms, and you just need to fill it up regarding your choices,” teacher Jonnah added.

I turn my back to ask Kalix what club is on his mind right now, even though it’s quite obvious that he’ll still choose the sports club.

 “Kal, what club are you going to join?”

“Idk, I don’t have prospects at the moment. How about you?”

“Hm, same last year. I’d rather stay at home than be in a crowded place,” I said while shrugging my shoulder.

“How about I’ll join the art club? Would you join too?” he asked meaningfully. Kalix knows I admire anything connected to arts, but I don't have any friends in the art club, so I don't participate.

“Hm, stop playing around. You’ve also said that last time, but you ditched me. I hate you for that,” I annoyingly said, which make him laugh at my expression.

“I’ll go with you this time, I’ll swear. I don’t want you to regret something that your heart yearns for a long time and since this will be our last year in SHS, consider it as my early gift,” Kalix said seriously as he rises from his seat to get the form.

“Here, sign it” while handing me a piece of paper.

“I have another problem Kal, what if my parents find out I joined Art this time? You know they hate it,” I worriedly utter. Growing up in a musically minded household, my parents always wanted me to be a great musician. They are both well-known in the music industry, but I am different; my passion is not music but the arts. However, I have no voice inside the house and was forced to do something I don’t like.

“Hm, leave it to me. Ako ang bahala sa kanila” he said as if they’re that close, funny.

“You know they’re close-minded, right? How would you be able to convince them?”

“Don’t worry about it, let’s see. How about we keep this a secret now?”

“Alright,” I said while starting to sign the form, let me take a risk, even just for once.

My hands were a little cold as I type the Arts Club. I am nervous and excited at the same time, knowing that I would be able to do the things that I am passionate about. 

After filling out the form, we drop it on the box placed on Ma'am Jonnah’s table. When everyone was done, she dismissed us.

“Balita ko may competition daw sa club na sinalihan natin” Kalix exclaimed while munching his burger.

“What kind of competition?” I asked as I drink my wintermelon milk tea. Nasa cafeteria kasi kami ngayon as it’s our snack time.

“I’m not sure, but I’ve heard it’s a painting competition, sasali ka?” he asked curiously as he raises his thick brows.

“If you join, I’ll join,” I retorted back. I'm frightened that what happened before will happen again. I won't be scared of anything unless I have Kalix by my side.

“Still haven’t moved on from that accident, noh?”

I nodded earnestly as I can’t lie to him.

That accident had impacted my mental health and change me to become someone I’m not proud of. Having to deal with anxiety and mental breakdown almost every day is painful. As much as I wanted to bring back my younger self, I just couldn’t. I can’t control my mind and how I should react to things. My social anxiety also affected my academic status as every oral recitation and I passed out. I don’t know how hard life could become without Kalix's help. My parents?... Instead of helping me get out of my situation, they put even more pressure on me, worsening my mental health. I informed them that I was suffering from a major personal crisis, but they consistently dismissed the subject, telling me that I was only overreacting. Fortunate persons would never understand what people suffering from anxiety and depression go through daily.

“Don’t worry, I’ll join the competition for your sake, win or lose, consider it as your new experience,” he stated in a concerned voice.

“Of course, thanks Kal” I smiled at his thoughtfulness. A kind of friend who’ll stick to you through thick and thin, a rare kind of gem that I’ll treasure forever.