Why, Mother?
991 Words
"Astra, how's your voice lesson?" my mom asked out of nowhere while we are eating dinner.
"I heard you ditched your lesson last Saturday. Care to explain why?" she added while staring at me intently.
"I finished some schoolwork, and I forgot to tell you, Mom," I replied nervously.
"Schoolwork? Really?" she asked while wiping her mouth with a table napkin. I nodded in response and continue to eat.
"I've heard that you join the Arts Club in your upcoming school event. How true is that?" she prompted. I was so curious as to where she knew that I joined the Arts when it's only me and Kalix who knew it. I somehow forgot that my Mom has a lot of connections, and maybe she had me spied.
"I-I want to try it even for once, Mom. You know how much I love arts," I exclaimed despite the turmoil in my inner being.
"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT YOU HAVE NO FUTURE IN ARTS!" she yelled, making her voice echoed in our kitchen as her veins popped and her face gets red out of anger.
"Liz, patapusin mo muna si Astra sa pagkain saka mo pagsabihan" for once Dad intervene Mom.
"Eat! and follow me in the office after you're done," she said while storming the kitchen.
I've suddenly lost my appetite, but I continue to eat while thinking of reasons to ease Mom's anger. I wonder why she hates art so much.
Once I finished eating, I placed all the plates in the sink, let alone my nanny's, and washed them. I followed mom in her office with a cold hand because I am afraid of the possible consequences of my decision. However, I am eager to fight for what I believe right this time. Shouldn't parents support their children's dreams? Shouldn't they be the ones who'll encourage them instead of hindering them from achieving their dreams? I wonder why I had a parent whose mind is fixed on what they perceive right without acknowledging my decision because I, too, have my own choices.
"Mom," I utter to inform her of my presence since she looks preoccupied with whatever things she's dealing with right now.
"Oh, you're here, my stubborn daughter. Sit! and explain why you disobey me" a terror in her voice is evident, sending chills on my spine.
"You've known long before that I want arts, but you keep insisting that music is more suited for me. Mom, can't you see? I'm not like you---I'm not a good singer, and you should know that" panimula ko, hoping that she'll reconsider it.
"That's why I enrolled you in a voice lesson to improve your singing ability! Everything will be possible through practice, Astra but you're here spouting nonsense. There's a music club in your school, you should change your club before the event happens, or you wouldn't like the consequences of your stubbornness," she said with finality in her voice.
"Mom, can't you just let this pass?.... It's my last year at SHS, and I want to have some memorable experiences at this pace of my life. Can you not grant even just this one, Mom?" I pleaded almost a whisper.
"After this, I'll attend my voice lesson and will take music more seriously. Please, Mom?" I added, hoping for some consideration.
"That won't work on me, Astra. I have high expectations of you as my unica hija, don't fail me. Go back to your room and don't forget to join the music club tomorrow. I have eyes everywhere, don't ever disobey me again," she said while dismissing the topic.
I stormed out of her office with a heavy heart. How can my mother have that stone of a heart that even I can't shake up her stands? I have so many roommates in my head telling me things that make me want to give up on life. I wonder if mom will cry if I die? or if she will remain unaffected. I get my cutter on my drawer and started slicing my wrist as this is the only way to release my pain since none of my parents seems to care anyway. I slept almost 3 in the morning because of my insomnia, so I woke up a little late than usual. I look at my fresh wounds and realize that some cuts are deeper than the regular cuts. I started putting some ointment on them and cover them with sterile gauze. After getting everything done, I descended downstairs to eat my breakfast, usually pancakes and a glass of milk.
"Astra, anong nangyari sa kamay mo at nakabendahe na naman?" asked nanny Lucresia while pouring me a glass of milk. She is the only person whom I could say cares for me in this household.
"Nothing, I just accidentally scratch my hand," I reason out.
"She has her drama over some whims she can't get. Leave her alone, Lucresia," my mom, who's now entering the kitchen, proclaimed.
'Drama, your a*s. You inconsiderate old hag.'
My nanny looked at me with a worried expression before serving my mom's meal. I know she knows already what I did.
"Remember what I told you last night," she sternly said while staring at me intently, waiting for my response.
Hayst, whatever!
"Ok," I replied shortly.
"Now, you seem to have lost your manner as well," she said while looking a bit grumpy.
Wth, I can't believe her anymore. Her attitude is like a woman in her menopausal stage.
"OKAY, MOM, I UNDERSTAND!" I said almost a shout to piss her off more.
"Did you shout at me, Astra? such a shameful act for a lady like you."
"Oh, no, mom, you misunderstood it. Btw, gotta go" I didn't wait for whatever remark she'll make and just immediately goes out of the house after eating and brushing my teeth.
I can no longer tolerate everything.....just.....why, mom?
- Writer
