Finding his Luna

2- Finding purpose

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow across the room, Alex sat alone in his favorite armchair, nursing a glass of whiskey. The amber liquid swirled gently as he turned the glass in his hand, lost in thought. Feeling philosophical, he considered his life, trying to find out what was missing. The obvious answer was answers about his parents' and the pack obliteration some 14years ago. He had been working with his twin, Ash, these last few months trying to find answers. They didn't even know who was responsible. They both shared a memory of that night, being locked into the safe room in the Omegas quarters by their mother, the Luna, and telling them to be quiet and still. They could hear fighting, but their mother reassured them everything would be well, and that she would come and get them once it was all over. Alex and Ash held onto each other in fear, awaiting their mothers return, but she never came back. They were found by Evan, the pack Gamma. Evan took them in, taking them to the city and raising them.

For the longest while, it had felt like him and Ash, against the world. Memories flooded his mind, swirling. He recalled moments from his childhood, snippets of conversations with Ash, and the stories shared by Evan about the matebond, his parents bond. It all sounded so wonderful, and for a time, he wanted it. He wanted to find his Luna too. Over time though, thoughts seeped in about what it actually meant to have a Luna, and be that vulnerable with someone. That that vulnerability would become his own vulnerability. And whilst he wanted what his parents had, he didnt want to become so dependant on another person that life without them seemed meaningless. He knew one day, he would be forced to take a Luna. he would find one, one day, that he felt a certain level of companionship with, a chosen Luna that he would be proud to have as a friend, as well as a bed-mate, as a part of the leadership of their little pack. But in the mean time, he was happy ‘screwing anything with a p***y’, as his sister so eloquently put it once. He found that he was never, really satisfied though.

Now he was about to become Alpha, and the pressure to find a Luna was only increasing. He knew, sooner rather than later, he would have to choose someone. A pack needed a Luna to function properly, he had to keep reminding himself. Though he would never say it out loud, it was one of the reasons he didn’t want to be Alpha, in addition to the pressure, and paperwork, and constant need to be everything for everyone. Yet, he tried to embrace this new chapter of his life, for the pack. He wasnt sure he could ever find the same kind of love and acceptance with a chosen mate as that of a fated, but even if he was betraying the life he had once envisioned as a young pup, he new it was going to be better to take a chosen.

As the last rays of sunlight faded from the room, Alex sighed heavily, setting down his glass. He knew there were no easy answers, no clear paths to follow, so he resigned himself to this one. Standing, he was startled by a knock at his door, and saw the future Beta, Chad, walk in. ‘You alright there man? I’ve been trying to link you” Chad said as he walked in. Chad was a stocky guy, and a great friend. They had been close as children, as alpha and beta children normally are. He had also survived the pack’s masacre along with his mum, though they had only reconnected in the last year. He had gone to live on the other side of the country when his father, the Beta, had died along with his parents. His mum had moved them back to her original pack, to be near her family, though Chad said she was never the same. She died only 6months later. Chad had heard about Alex and Ash looking for survivors and found them, staying with them ever since. Chad had been instrumental to the development of the pack, along with Evan’s guidance. He helped negotiate the land they now possessed from the Alpha it previously belonged to, with a 5 year deal for shared resources. Chad was a great guy, and he and Ash had been so excited when he accepted the beta position they offered him. “Sorry man, i didnt realise, whats up?” he indicated to his beta to take a seat. “Im bored. I’ve had it up to here with paperwork this week. I need to let off some of the tension.” Alex eyed him warily. Truth be told, he could let of a little more tension, feeling more tense than he was before he sent Amy away. “What did you have in mind?” Chad clapped. “Im so glad you asked! Have you heard of Alma Negra?” “Alex shook his head. Just then, his door burst open. “What’s this about Alma Negra?’ he looked up, and saw his sister Ash leaning against the door frame.

Ashtyn. The yin to his yang. You wouldnt know it to look at them, but they truly were complementary, opposing forces. Despite their shared looks, they were completely different, both inside and out. Ash had great intuition, when she listened to it, and there was a natural, gentle softness to her. But Alex knew that his sister was extremely assertive, and he relied on that, perhaps more than he should as alpha. Where as he, objectively speaking, was all hard planes, a ‘jaw that could cut glass’ he had heard she-wolves say. The truth though, was that he wished he could just run and hide, Deep down, he was a live and let live kinds guy. ‘Why do you want to know?” he counted. He watched as Ash pushed off the door frame, joining the alpha and beta apparent. Ash shrugged as she sat down. “I want in’. Both men snorted and she stared them down. “Look sis, i dont think its quite the place for you. It’s uh, got a reputation.” Alex said, glancing at Chad. Chad nodded. “And?” Ash raised an eyebrow. “And, well, you dont belong in a place like that” Chad finished. Ash rolled her eyes. What, because i wont w***e myself around, I cant go out and have fun? What sort of alpha male bull s**t is that?” she demanded, reaching over and pouring herself a drink. Alex quickly leaned in, and took the drink off her, making her scoff. ‘Excuse me?’ she asked, and reached back for the decanter. Alex pulled it further away. “Um, nuh uh. No way. Youre not getting my good drink, and youre not coming with us”. He looked up at his sister, and realised his mistake quickly. He was f****d. ‘Oh, so we’re going? Great!” said chad chipperly, completely missing the change in the atmosphere. “Says who? You?” Ash growled lowly. Chad froze, and looked up at Alex, realising too late what was going on. “Do i need to remind you, little brother, that just because you are going to be alpha, doesnt mean you get to tell me what to do I am also an alpha by birth, and, as your older sister, i can, and will, kick your ass if i deem i need to. I make my own decisions, not you”. Alex nodded quickly, and saw out the corner of his eye Chad shake his head. They both knew that they werent going out to blow off steam any more, but to babysit. Because no matter what Ash said, just because he was the ‘little’ brother, didn’t mean he was immune to the protective brother gene.

“fine.” He checked his watch, and looked over at Chad. “meet at the front of the pack house at 7?” he nodded, and got up and left, not stupid enough to say anything else until Ash had cooled down. Ash sat there, silently seething as Alex waited until Chad closed the door. ‘Im sorry B1” he apologised, using thier childhood nicknames to soften his words. “I didnt mean to keep you out. I just, I have alot on my mind, and needed to blow off some steam. Some steam that i dont necessarily want my sister seeing.” Ash sighed, and Alex watched as she deflated. “What’s up B1? You can talk to me. Share the burden. Its not like ive got anything else to do.” Ash scoffed as he spoke, before shaking her head. ‘Nah, its ok, ive got it handled for now. But thanks B2.” she offered him a smile; he knew that look, a look that meant ‘just drop it’. He stared at her a moment longer, and watched as her eyes searched his for something. He kept his face neutral. Ash obviously didnt find anything, as she got up a moment later. “7, out the front? Yea?” he nodded. “7, out the front”.