Her Hidden Side

I shouldn’t be here. The note that was being passed from the right side of me to the left. The note was from a boy, the boy gave the note to Hailey. Hailey was passing the note to Angelica who was on my left side. Angelica then passed the note to me. It had a red sparkling small ribbon on it. The handwriting was written in cursive. The note had said: Hi, it’s jeramy I was wondering if you would like to go to the dance with me maybe? The two girls beside me thought this note was hilarious. I’m not really understanding why, he’s a boy who likes her so why are they laughing. I mean yeah he wasn’t the most good looking boy. Jeramy had shaggy brownish blonde hair and dark brown eyes. He didn’t dress very rich but then again this isn’t a rich community. I’ve never really understood these two girl but I go along with what they want because if I don’t i will lose the social protection of the most popular girls in school. There are 5 of us. There is Hailey, she had long blonde hair and the most perfect features ever. There is Angelica, she had long originally brown hair but she dyed it almost every month. This month’s color is a dark pink. There is also Samantha, she wants to go by Sam but the girls would never call her that. They think it’s too manly. Samantha has short blonde hair with the most gorgeous blue eyes I could ever imagine of ever having. There is Elizabeth but she goes by Lizzy. Lizzy has very curly brown hair, with brown eyes. Her eyes have a tint of orange in them when the sun reflects into them. She often wears glasses instead of contacts. Then lastly there was me Maxine. I have long curly black hair with dirty brown eyes. After all of the laughing and giggling at the note the girls finally decide to write a note back. They thought it would be funny to write it through a poem. The poem wrote: If the ocean didn’t have waves And the sun didn’t shine Maybe one day you’d think before trying to be mine If only pigs could fly If only you didn’t try Maybe you shouldn’t be trying to be with someone out of your league You do not find everything you seek. -Hailey I can admit the poem was good, but they didn’t have to be so cruel. The two girls don’t like Jeramy because he is different, but what if they found out I was different? Would they treat me the same if they found out about my disorder? When I was 11 I got diagnosed with sever social anxiety disorder. I can’t be in crowds for long periods of time without having a breakdown. I go out with the group but I don’t stay long in fear that I might have a panic attack in front of them. I have been friends with Hailey, Angelica, Samantha, and Lizzy since I was 13 and now we are in our senior year of high school. I’ve always thought about telling them about my disorder. I just never had the courage to because I was always scared I would lose them. Hailey slipped out of her seat and quickly placed the poem-note onto Jeramy’s desk. Jeramy was sent to retrieve colored papers from the front office so he wasn’t in his seat. The teacher saw the note on his desk before he got back. “Okay everyone who put this note onto Mr.whites desk?” The teacher announced loudly. The teacher hadn’t read the note yet but it seemed that if someone didn’t confess then he was going to. Everyone looks around at each other to see who was going to speak up. This is childish, everyone is acting as if we are in middle school still. Angelica nudged me and then gestured me to the door where Jeramy walked into with a stack of colored papers in his hand. Jeramy goes up to the teachers desk and placed them down. “I think someone has left something for you Mr. White.” The teacher then hands Jeramy the note. His face lights up when he realizes that Hailey wrote back. Little did he know it wasn’t her saying yes but instead it’s her insulting him. His face falls as he reads the note. He then closes it and sits down, you could clearly tell he was chocking back tears. I felt bad for him, what if that was me who got that mean note. The teacher noticed his upset demeanor and took the note from his hands. Mr. Reid had always been harsh but what he does is just a next level of harsh. Mr. Reid reads the note out loud to the classroom; the class erupts in laughter. Should I say something to Hailey and Angelica? That was really harsh but what could I say? I’ve never stood up to anyone before, not like I was thinking about doing. The rest of the day goes by pretty smoothly, except for the occasional chatter about what happened to Jeramy. I couldn’t get the thought out of my head about what I could of said to make Hailey and Angelica not write that note. They didn’t have to put it in poem form, and Mr. Reid didn’t have to read it out loud and embarrass him like that. As the end of the day comes around I’m in study hall when all 4 girls come up to me taking my math study book out of my hands. I was never any good at math so I had to study extra hard in that subject. “Hey girl so we are all going to Samantha’s house after school, wanna come along?” Hailey announces as she hold her hands out for me to take. I nod slightly and take her hand to help me stand up. When study hall ends we all go to Hailey’s car so she can drive us to Samantha’s house. The drive there the girls were just making small talk. Mainly talking about what we were gonna do which consists on painting each other’s nails and watching Netflix. That’s what we usually did when we went to each other’s houses anyway. We slowly approached Samantha’s house and we all got out. I decided to leave my bag in the car just in case they tried to accuse me of sneak studying as they usually did. They tried to convince me to just leave it in my locker but I was a too nervous to even think about doing that. I take my bag everywhere I go except when I go into other people’s houses. I didn’t want them going through it and seeing my medicine for my social anxiety. I have to take it 3 times a day, once in the morning then at 1:30, and then lastly at 9:10pm. As we get into Samantha’s house she goes to tell her mother that she brought friends over and that we are just going to hang out in her room. Her mother is a middle aged woman but she was very pretty. She had dirty blonde hair but she didn’t dress like normal women her aged do. She dressed like people did in the 90’s, it was oddly comforting to know she didn’t care what people thought about her. Everyone knew that she didn’t so people didn’t care if she knew they were talking about her. I’ve always wanted to feel like that. Not care about whether or not people were talking about me. I guess you can say I’m a little paranoid. We all head up to Samantha’s room. Her room was filled with posters and pictures of everyone. There was a white vanity with circle light bulbs that were lightened up. Her bed was by the window in the far side of her room. There was a black nightstand next to her bed where she kept her keys and her phone. Her closet was straight to the right of her closet, there was a full body mirror right in front of her bed. “So girls what movie should we watch first for our movie marathon?” Samantha asked excitedly. “White chicks 1&2” Angelica immediately said before anyone else can get a word in. Samantha grabs her remote and starts tot urn to Hulu where white chicks is on. “Oh my god guys..” Lizzy started, we all knew what this was gonna be about. For the last few months after her boyfriend broke up with her all she talks about is how much she misses him. They were together for a year and a half. “Honey no, don’t start talking about James. If you want me to get you another man I will but just stop talking about James!” Hailey said dramatically. Everyone knew that she and James always get back together but this time was different. She usually broke up with him but this time he was done with her. “Hailey you don’t understand, you and Alaric have the perfect relationship! You guys are never breaking up, y’all have been together since the start of 8th grade.” Lizzy whines. Hailey’s face lights up at the mention of Alaric. “Other than the name Alaric is a good guy in my book” Angelica said and Samantha agreed. Hailey turns to me. “What do you think about Alaric, Maxine?” Hailey asked hopeful that I agreed with them about her and Alaric being perfect. I didn’t know what to say, I mean yeah they looked amazing but every relationship has its ups and downs and I didn’t know what kind of relationship they had. I never asked really and when they talked about him I didn’t really understand what they meant and why they were so involved with each other. They loved each other and I guess that’s what I never understood. I’ve dated people but I’ve never got to that point to where the other person says “I love you” and means it. “Yeah of course y’all are super cute.”I said acting nonchalantly. Hailey lets out a giggle at my response. She only used that giggle when she thought about Alaric. “Yay!” Hailey says and wraps her arms around my shoulders and lays her head on my shoulder. I never felt comfortable with people touching me but I never said anything about it to them. I tried not to tense up when people touched me but sometimes it just comes out, this was one of these times.