The Driver

CHAPTER 18

While I was in a coma, I could hear her, but I could not answer. I did not understand exactly what had happened to me and why I could not move. I had seen white lights at one point and felt an indescribable warmth.

        I had seen and felt something that in the real world does not exist. I felt so quiet and pure. I think just like a kid when he comes into the world. My soul was clean as if I could see it. I felt light and painless.

        Like I had never suffered. Like I had never been cheated. And yet I could not see Izabela. I could feel her and hear her voice, but I could not see her. I could not touch her.

        I could feel her touching me, but I could not touch her. I could feel her hot tears on my face, but I could not raise my hand to wipe them. I could hear her calling me desperately, but I could not answer her.

        I even heard when she told me she loved me, but I could not tell her that I loved her, too. I felt her love and yet I could not show her mine. I could even hear other voices around me, but I did not understand what they were saying.

        Only her voice seemed clear to me. She was always begging me not to die. What do you mean, do not die? What had happened to me if she asked me not to die? I could not remember what had happened after I got out of that bar.

        Was I really dying? Is that why I felt so peaceful and I could only see a white light? But why did I keep hearing and feeling her? Maybe I had not died yet if she begged me not to leave her. She was just telling me words of love.

        Words I had never heard from a woman's mouth. I liked them so much and they were like they were giving me strength to fight. And yet something kept me stuck in that white light. Something told me to stay there, but another part told me I had to fight, to come back, to live.

        That part was Izabela. I wanted so badly to be able to touch her, to caress her, to kiss her. But Izabela was not there. Izabela had left, had run away from me. She left me. Now why was she begging me not to leave her?

        Why do I have to listen to her when she did not give me that chance? Was she next to me or was I too lost in a world that did not exist? Because my life did not make sense without her anyway.

        And yet why did she want me now? What had changed in the meantime? I was not afraid of death; I was afraid of an inappropriate life.

        I had a lot of peace in that white light, but I felt like I had not finished what I had to do on Earth. I felt like my life did not end here and that is why I got stuck between getting into the light and coming back to my life.

        I felt that something wonderful was going to happen in my life, and I realized what it was when I heard the doctor tell Izabela that she was pregnant and an unseen power made me open my eyes.

        I opened my eyes and saw them talking in a corner of the room. I could not move, and I could not talk. I could not even keep my eyes open for long. I guess I was too weak. I realized I was in a hospital, but I could not remember what had happened to me.

        Was it possible to have a baby? Was it possible that I will have a family? Is that why I could not give up and I could not get into that twinkling light? Was it really true?

        If I was going to have a child, I had to fight to live, I had to be with Izabela and our baby. Will she want to become my wife? I wanted to tell her so much and yet I could not move my lips.

        I was hoping that she would still be able to hear my thoughts or feel what I feel for her. One day you will ask what is most important to me: you or life?

        I am going to say that life, and you are going to get mad, but without realizing that you are life to me. Without you, I cannot live. You are the most wonderful woman in the whole world! Love is like war.

        Everything is allowed; it is easy to start, but hard to complete and above all, impossible to forget. If I lose my lips, I will kiss you with my eyes, if I lose my eyes, I will kiss you with my heart, and if I lose my heart, I am sure I will find it with you. I love you!

        You are a rose grown in my heart. I promise to become water, air, earth so you do not wither, but you promise to bloom just for me? I love you! I do not know how long I have been in that state, but at one point I realized I could move my fingers on my right hand.

        I also tried the ones on my left hand, and I could move them too. Izabela slept peacefully on the couch next to my bed. I did not want to wake her. I looked at her and marveled at her beauty.

        She was much prettier than I remembered. She had something that made her sparkle like a diamond. She was adorable and I wanted to touch her. I wanted to kiss her and hug her.

        I shouted softly at her and she flinched in shock. She looked at me and could not tell if she was dreaming or everything was real. I saw tears flowing her cheek.

-       Do not cry, please. I am here now. I do not know what happened to me, but I know I have always heard you cry and beg me not to leave you.

-       Is it true or just a dream like the other dozens where I saw you open your eyes and talk to me?

-       It is not a dream. I want to feel you. I have missed you so much!!  I knew you were next to me; I could hear you, but I could not touch you!

        She came up to me crying even louder. She hugged me so tightly that she left me breathless for a few moments. In the meantime, the doctor came to consult me.

        He was also amazed that I had recovered and said that only a miracle kept me alive because he did not give me much chance that I would live. After making sure everything was okay with me, he told me I was lucky with the accident because otherwise I would not have lived long.

        As a result of the accident, which I was also beginning to remember vaguely, they discovered that I had an advanced brain tumor. They removed it, but they did not give me much chance at life.

        I may die either in the operation room or shortly after the operation.  There is, however, a chance that the tumor will return. It was not known when, but I had to return regularly to the consultations.

        Izabela was devastated when she heard this diagnosis, but I was happy that I had been given another chance. I was going to take every day and every moment to enjoy Izabela's love.

        At one point she suddenly got up from me and went to the couch. She took the purse in her hand and was desperately looking for something in it.

-       Are you going to have a panic attack? Looking for balls to calm you down?

        She started laughing and pulled out a small black box. It was the first time I had seen her smile in a long time and that gave me immense joy.

-       You want to be my husband? I know I do not deserve this, but I love you so much. I prayed moment by moment that you would come back to me and I do not want to waste another day doing that. I want to make you the happiest man in the world, just as you have restored my lust for life and taught me what love means. You have never given up on me, and I am never going to give up on you.

-       What about your promise?

-       Damn that stupid promise. Now I just want to be happy and that can be only with you. Do you accept my proposal, or do you like to terrorize me?

-       You know very well that I could not refuse your proposal especially since we are having a baby together.

-       How do you know I am pregnant?

-       I heard a while ago; I do not know exactly when. I saw you talking to the doctor, but I could not do anything, the only reaction I remember being able to do was open my eyes for a few moments.

-       I was going to tell you, but only after you agreed to be my husband. I would not have wanted to, and I hope that is not why you are accepting this. I want you to accept me first and then what comes next with us. I want you to take me as I am, even if you do not know me very well, not what I can offer you.

I accept you because I love you and because you will give me a child. I think that was the miracle that brought me back to life. Besides the wonderful words I heard from you. Even if you did not realize it, you gave me the strength to fight every day. Your presence and voice kept me alive and prevented me from entering that white light that would have gripped me forever.