Good Night Sweetheart

Heartsick

Spending the rest of the weekend locked away in the house didn't help me make up my mind. I called Jim at the clinic, telling him I'm ill. Luckly, it wasn't too hard to convince him because I am indeed sick and sound like it. Not sleeping or eating has that effect on anyone, especially a vampire.

I won't let myself go and see her in the dead of night again. Seeing her so sad was almost worse than not knowing how she is at all. There are still no messages from her, and I have given up all hope of hearing from her, taking the silence almost as confirmation of my worst fears.

I know she felt the connection we seem to share, and I wish I had asked more questions and paid more attention when Claudia was explaining bonds to me, but at the time, I didn't see the relevance in the conversation. I had never given much thought to love and bonds. I planned to escape my unwanted family, which was my only concern. I regret the decision now completely and keep trying to think back to Claudia and her conversations about it.

She was still looking for her beloved, and it was important to her but not something vampires generally expect to find. Living forever makes the chances of finding that one person nearly impossible, but I know I found and lost mine all in a very short amount of time. I also remember her saying humans can often be a vampire's intended, but the vampire feels the bond first. If they have any sense at all, they turn the human as soon as possible so they will feel the bond as well.

If I remember what she said to me all those years ago, humans do feel a pull, but not as strongly as the vampire. It takes more time for the human to be aware of it. I also remember saying if you do find them and one rejects the other, it would be a pain worse than death, making the one rejected crave death, and some have chosen that as a way to end the suffering.

I am trying to remember if she said it ever improves, if time and space ease the pain or only worsen it. I also need to remember if the one doing the rejection suffers. I'm sure they must, but to what extent, I'm unsure. My head aches from all of my thoughts and forced recalling of conversations that happened so long ago in another life. I close my eyes, blocking them out again.

The car pulling into the drive rouses me from my misery. I can't imagine who would be driving way out here. I chose this place for its seclusion, and I haven’t heard anyone come out this way in the short time I have been here.

Opening the door, not expecting the fist to fly at me, I take the punch right in the jaw, knocking me back a little.

"f*****g jerk!" the smell of wolf invading my nose as Matt yells at me.

"Oh, good, it's you again." Rolling my eyes and rubbing my jaw. "Come to finish me off then?"

"I should after the mess you made here." Matt clenches his teeth growling before Megan steps in the way.

"Hold on, you promised me we were just going to talk to him." She puts her hands up, blocking him from me, and Matt only growls louder.

"I am talking. I planned on telling him just what I think of his sorry a*s as I beat the s**t out of him." He roars, only me making me roll my eyes again. I don't care what he does to me. It can't be worse than how I already feel. When he tries to go around her and get at me again, she yells his name making him stop short.

"Fine, but after what he's put her through, he deserves a beating," Matt grumbles, stepping back a bit.

"I don’t disagree with you, but I don't think that will help Libby." Megan sighs.

"What's wrong with her?" Now I'm interested in the conversation.

"You really don’t know? You must be a moron then." Matt chimes in, glaring at me still. "Don't you know that you bloodsuckers have the same mate bond wolves do? There are a few differences like you call them beloved, but it's mostly the same."

"Look, can we come in? I'm worried for Libby, and she would be mad if she knew we were here, but she's our friend, more like my sister, really. please, I need you to know what is happening to her." Megan looks back at her boyfriend. "I promise we will only talk." She emphasizes to Matt more than me.

I move out of the door and gesture for them both to come in. Matt looks around as if more of my kind might pop out of the walls.

"I'm the only one here," I assure him rubbing my forehead. "I don't associate with others of my kind."

"You are strange; I'll give you that." He mutters, still looking around. "You smell and look like death too."

"Thanks for letting me know. I wasn't expecting company." I sigh, trying to be civil. They are her friends and came to talk to me about her. Even if it is because of him, I had to tell Libby everything sooner than planned.

The pup looks around apprehensively, and I groan again, irritated with him. "I'm the only one here you can relax. I don't associate with others of my kind, or yours for that matter."

"You are an odd bloodsucker, aren't you?" He mutters, still looking around like other vampires might come out of the walls or something.

I huff past them and sit down heavily on my sofa, groaning from exhaustion and pain. My entire body hurts. I'm hungry, but my apathy keeps me from caring. Megan sits in the chair across for me.

"You said you wanted to talk about Libby? What's wrong with her?" I'm nearly begging her to tell me something, anything.

"What do you think is wrong with her?" The mutt Matt pipes up, still checking the house. "you left her and left the bond unresolved she's just as sick as you now. She won’t eat or sleep."

I'm confused and do little to hide my confusion from them. "How we never." I start, but he huffs, irritated at me.

"You are stupid. Don't you know anything? Didn't your clan teach you anything?" He's alarmed at my apparent lack of knowledge.

"Yeah, they taught me how to hunt and kill people." I bite back. "I never wanted to be one of them, and once I could, I got the hell out."

"Vamps never leave their clan." He says, looking around suspiciously but eyeing me, waiting for an explanation.

"Look, I was turned, and at first, I did anything they wanted. I followed suit, killing and feeding on more people than I can count. I remember the hunger when I was first changed, but once I regained control, I started looking for a way out. If I could change what I am, I would, but I can't, so I live away from all supernatural creatures checking over my shoulder, hoping I haven't been found." I sit back on the sofa, waiting for him to say something, the wheels clearly turning in his mind.

"What happens if they find you?" Megan asks, concern written all over her face.

"If he doesn’t rejoin them, they kill him," Matt answers before I can, and she lets out a small gasp.

Matt joins her by the chair, looking me over and seeming to decide to believe me for the moment.

"My grandad always said a freshly turned vamp is one you never want to meat. They haven't learned to control that hunger of theirs and will attack anything." he's still glaring at me slightly as he talks, but I shrug.

"He's not completely wrong," I mutter in agreement. "Now, is someone going to tell me what's wrong with Libby?"

"Wow, you really don't know anything do you?" he looks at me with shock now. "You two share a bond, and you left it unresolved, neither of you rejecting or accepting the other, and the longer you stay away from each other… well, the sicker you get, it can be fatal if you don't fix it."

"But she is human. She couldn't feel things the way I do. How is it you know anything about this anyway?" I rub my face hating the thought that she might feel as badly as I do, but how is it possible humans take longer to feel the effects of the bonds? At least, that's what I thought.

"I know, okay." Matt looks like he doesn't want to say more, but when Megan mouths the words tell him, Matt sighs, "Fine, my great-grandfather really hated you guys, and he had a saying, know your enemy well. He made it a point to know everything he could about vampires so he could kill you. He taught my grandfather and so on. Everyone in my family is taught everything he learned so we can hunt and kill you."

"Great, so you are a professional vampire slayer?" I groan; that would be my luck, a wolf and vamp hunter.

"Okay, he is, but we are talking about Libby right now. Libby is different." Megan chimes in, "I used to tease her. She must be part witch. She gets funny feelings about places, and she can tell what others are feeling better than they even know. It's like she can feel it herself. She knew that Barns was a creep our freshmen year and that we would be best friends. She even knew Matt, and I were meant to be before I did. She's got this sense about things and people." Megan shrugs. "I thought it was from growing up the way she did. She had to learn quickly who to trust and who not to. Her mom is a bit much at times, always dating a new guy, and she moved Libby all over the place looking for the next love of her life. Libby's dad left suddenly, and her mom never talks about him. I guess he wasn't dad-material or something. That's what Libby says, but she never knew him."

"Anyway, the point is Libby is just as sick as you, and you need to go see her," Matt says, looking concerned.

"She wanted time alone to think. I was only trying to give her that. She’s never called me." I'm mostly talking to myself as I run my hands over my face and through my hair.

"Her phone got shut off. Happens when you don’t have money to pay for it. It's why she was working for Barns in the first place. She needed the money." Megan sighs, looking sad. "I offered to help, but she won’t take money from Matt or me. She's stubborn that way."

I sink further into the sofa. I sure f****d up, didn't I? I thought she didn't want to call me, not that she couldn't; I'm so stupid.