Broken Faith

E5 - His visit

“Coffee?”

I blushed and nodded. I know he said I love you to me a few hours back, but seeing him in person after the confession, was a feeling I was having for the first time. He was looking into my eyes, which I am sure were staring at the ground.

“Your eyelashes are long, they are beautiful.” I instantly looked at him.

“Worked like a charm.” He smiled and I was confused. "What?"

“Your eyelashes are beautiful, and they cast a shadow on your face. But saying it out loud made you look at me.”

I blushed once again and he chuckled. “Do you apply mascara?”

“No, I don’t. Why are you asking? Do you want me to? Do you like girls that wear makeup?”

He laughed and shook his head. “No, I like natural beauty. I asked because that’s the only thing I am not sure about. I can’t see eyeliner or eyeshadow on your eyes thanks to your eyes which were staring at the ground. Nor can I see lipstick on your pink lips. Although I can see lip balm because they look so soft.”

I bit my lip and he took a long breath. “Don’t, just don’t.” I looked into his eyes and he narrowed them. The emotions in them drowned me. He was taking deep breaths and was staring at my lips, licking his own. He closed his eyes, exhaled through his mouth, and then opened them again.

“Let’s get back to our coffee which was distracted by your eyes and lips.” I rushed towards his car and he walked behind me and took his seat on the driving seat.

I was trying to focus on my breath when I saw him leaning toward me. S**t, what am I going to do if he decides to kiss me? Should I respond? How do you respond to a kiss? I never kissed anyone. I will ask Smita or Neha later, but what to do now?

He leaned some more and his hot breath was now tickling my lips. I didn’t know how to react but my body did. I felt goosebumps on my neck and hands. He tilted a bit and I gulped hard. My eyes were locked with him.

He leaned in some more and pulled the seat belt. His hand brushed against my thigh when he was buckling the belt and I felt someone knock the air out of my lungs. I forgot to breathe. Once it was done, he looked at me and smiled.

“Do you know how hard it is for me to keep my hands to myself? You are looking so f**king s**y and … “ He closed his eyes and turned his head towards the road. “Where are we going?”

“Umm.. yeah, coffee. Yes, straight and then a left from the second circle.”

“Straight it is then.”

We went to the coffee shop and after chatting for some time, we took lunch at a nearby restaurant.

“Thanks for meeting me. I will leave now. But I have to say this before I go and sit in that car.”

I looked at him and he smiled.

“I am not a fancy person and I don’t know how to propose to a girl because I never dated any. You are the only one I saw and, lucky for me, you agreed to marry me before I could express my feelings for you. I Love you Sonali, and I am thankful to you for accepting me into your life.”

I was so moved by his words but couldn’t bring myself to kiss him. I wanted to, but every movie shows that a guy kisses a girl first. Guys initiate, Ugh. I didn’t want him to think I was a bad girl, that I am habitual of kissing boys or that a kiss doesn’t matter anything to me, so I controlled myself and just started digging my nails into another hand.

My mind was screaming, Kiss me already, but he was just standing there. I took a breath, realizing he was not going to initiate it.

“It’s ok. You don’t have to say it, I will wait for it.” He smiled once again but I could see it was not reaching his eyes. I felt bad for him but before I could say anything, he sat in the car and left for Bangalore.

I told everything that happened to Neha because she had already read my messages and was throwing her questions.

“Oh My God, he said I Love You and you were just standing there, no kiss, no I love you too, nothing?”

I shook my head and she facepalmed herself.

“You know, I thought you sing so many romantic songs, you must be a romantic person. But I was wrong, you are hopeless.”

“Hey!”

“Don’t hey me. Poor Rudra drove all the way here and what did he get? Coffee? Seriously. You thought he came here to drink coffee with you?”

I opened my mouth to say something but closed it realizing she was right. He didn’t come here to drink coffee. He came to see me.

I felt bad for him. I AM stupid.

“What should I do now?”

“Did you ask me before you kind of stood him up? I am not going to tell you. You will have to figure it out yourself.”

I thought hard and then an idea clicked. I waited for him to reach his place. He said he would call me and I was waiting for his call.

He called me the moment he reached his apartment.

“I just parked my car and now I am unlocking my apartment. What are you doing?”

“Nothing.” I wanted to say something but he cleared his throat.

“Ok. I will call you later then. I am tired and want to sleep.”

Oh God, is he angry?

“I want to say something.”

“Ok, but say it fast, I really want to have some sleep.”

“Oh, ok. Have some sleep, we will talk tomorrow.”

“Ok.” And he disconnected the call.

I slept in the night and started thinking about Rudra. He sounded angry and I was unable to sleep. What if he doesn’t talk to me?

I called him in the morning, but he didn’t pick up the call. The same happened in the noon and evening. It was now almost 22 hours and he was not picking up my call. I was panicking.

I sent him a message.

Me: Are you angry?

From Rudra: No

Me: Then why are you not talking to me?

Rudra: I am busy

Me: Ok

I kept the phone on the table and started thinking. Is he really busy?

He didn’t call me for 2 days and then he called me the 3rd day. I never knew I was going to miss him this much because the moment I heard his voice, I started crying.

“Hey, what happened?”

“Why didn’t you call me? Didn’t you know I was missing you?”

“No, I didn’t know you were missing me because you never said anything. I felt as if I was the only one feeling this attraction and decided I should back off a little bit. I didn’t want to force you to say anything that you didn’t want to.”

I started crying more and heard him cursing.

“What do you want, Sonali? I am already f**ked up. Being away from you was torture and now you are saying you were missing me.”

I stopped for a second and wiped my tears.

“I am sorry, I … I don’t know what to do. I guess I expected you would react, or say something to me, but you were just standing there as if it was a casual thing for you to hear someone say I Love You.”

“No, it was special, I didn't even know how to react. I was just consumed in my thoughts.” I was now settled and sniffing a bit because of all the crying.

“Let it go. Let’s just pretend I didn’t say anything. Ok.”

“Were you busy?”

“No, I was just lying in my bed. I was on leave.”

“Why? Are you fine? You are not sick, are you?”

“No, I am not sick. I took a leave for the week. I was disturbed and then I thought we are about to get married and I should not do anything that might affect our relationship. You tell me, what were you doing?”

“I was waiting for your call. I …. I want to say something, Rudra.”