The Dairy of the Psychopath

“Psychopaths has the image of a cold, heartless, deceitful, manipulative, inhuman being. But the question is, do all psychopaths show a complete lack of normal emotional capacities and empathy? What do you think?” Nagtaas naman ng kamay ang isang babae na nasa likurang bahagi. Sinenyasan ko siya na tumayo na kaagad naman niyang ginawa. “Sir, according to what you’ve teach us for the past lesson, being a psychopath is characterize by diagnostic features such as superficial harm, high intelligence, poor judgment and failure to learn from experience. Kaya naman mostly ng mga serial killers ay masasabi mong matatalino at magagaling gumawa ng krimen pero hindi sila gano’n kagaling umintindi sa mga bagay-bagay.” Tumango-tango naman ako sa sinabi niya at hindi nag-kumento. At dahil wala akong sinabi ay nagtaas ng kamay si Theo, isa sa mga aktibo sa klase. “In addition to what Myla said, they are also characterize by pathological egocentricity and incapacity for love, lack of remorse or shame, impulsivity, grandiose sense of self-worth, poor self-control, manipulative, and has criminal versatility, among others. And as a consequence of these characteristics, the image of psychopaths become cold, heartless, deceitful, manipulative, inhuman being.” Napa-wow naman ang lahat sa dalawang kaklase nila. Isa kasi sina Myla at Theo sa nangunguna sa klase. That’s why they don’t miss out every time there’s a recital. “Like other people, many psychopaths love their parents, spouse, children, family, and pets in their own way. However, they have difficulty in loving and trusting the rest of the world. Furthermore, some of them suffer emotionally as consequence of unstable relationship with others, death of beloved person, distorted sense of self, or dissatisfaction with their own deviant behavior.” Tumigil naman ako sa pagsasalita ng may magtaas ng kamay. “Sir, do psychopaths suffer from emotional pain? Kasi ‘di ba, parang halos wala na silang pakialam sa paligid nila,” komento pa nito. “As with anyone else, psychopaths have a deep wish to be loved and cared for. Mostly, this desire remains frequently unfulfilled, however, because it is obviously not easy for another person to get close to someone especially if they found out that this someone has repellent personality characteristics.” “Then sir, what’s the hidden reason why some of the psychopaths become a serial killer?” “Most of their life histories are often characterized by a chaotic family life, parental abuse and domestic violence, lack of parental attention and guidance, poor relationship with others, and unfavorable and repulsive neighborhoods. Because of these, they may feel that they are prisoners of their own.” Halata naman na tutok na tutok sila sa mga sinasabi ko kaya naman muli akong nagpatuloy sa pagsasalita. “Behind their violent criminal acts, they suffer from social isolation, loneliness, and associated with emotional pain. So, they believe that the whole world is against them, and eventually, will convince themselves that they deserve special privileges to satisfy their desire.” “But sir, may mga harmless naman na psychopath hindi ba? Basta hindi mo lang sila ma-trigger.” “Yes. At dito na papasok ang violent psychopaths. They are at high risk for targeting their aggression toward themselves as much as toward others. And that will create a serial killer, where they ultimately reach a point of no return. They feel that they have to cut through the last thin connection they have with the normal world. As their sadness and suffering increases, their crimes become more bizarre than usual.” Matapos magpaliwanag ay tinignan ko ang relo na suot ko at napansin ko na sampung minute na lang ang natitirang oras para sa klase namin. Hindi naman na kakayanin kung magdi-discuss ako ng panibagong topic dahil aabutin kami ng ilang oras pa. “For the last ten minutes, do you have more questions?” I asked. Lumipas ang ilang segundo at wala pa ring nagtataas ng kamay. “Then, mag-iiwan na lang ako ng research—“ hindi ko na tuluyang natapos ang sinasabi ko dahil biglang tumayo si Adrian, isa sa pinakapasaway at maloko sa klase. Napakamot naman siya sa kanyang batok ng mapagtanto ang kanyang ginawa kaya napangiti ako. “Ano sir… ano… ah…” hindi niya maituloy ang sinasabi kaya palihim akong natawa. Halatang ayaw gumawa ng home activity. “Ano?” “Sir, anong pinagkaiba ng psychopath at sociopath?” “Oww!” asar ng mga kaklase niya kaya kumaway pa ang loko bago naupo. “Nice question. People often use these terms to mean the same thing. Psychopaths are people who demonstrate psychopathy and that’s not a diagnosis but a set of traits. Sociopaths, knows what they’re doing is wrong, but their moral compass is weak. They have a conscience, it is just not strong enough to stop their bad behavior.” “Are they violent too, sir?” “Anyone can hurt. All of us have the ability to hurt. That includes people who are psychopath and sociopath. But they aren’t always violent until triggered. On the other hand, psychopathy, is a strong triggered of aggression and violence over someone’s life.” Kasabay ng pagtatapos ng paliwanag ko ay siya ring pagtatapos ng oras ng klase nila sa akin. “That’s all for today.” I said at isa-isang inayos ang mga gamit ko. “Thank you, sir!” sabay-sabay nilang wika at kanya-kanya na rin ng ayos ng gamit. Huling klase na nila ako ngayong araw kaya naman kanina ko pa napapansin ang ilan sa kanila na patingin-tingin sa wall clock. Idagdag mo pa na Friday ngayon kaya naman paniguradong may mga lakad ang mga ‘to. I teach Psychology, and obviously, Psychology student ang mga tinuturuan ko. And for the knowledge of all, Psychology is about how those around us think, what kind of feelings they have experience, how do people interact and act, and what motivates them. It can be social, biological, cognitive or emotional. Mabilis kong tinapos ang pag-aayos dahil kailangan kong pumunta sa opisina. Hay. Mukhang may ipapagawa na naman ang boss ko.