Becoming

I Don't See Anything

A few weeks after my visit home, I'm heading back up to Ogden to the hospital my mom worked at for my first appointment with the OB. Pulling in the parking lot, I make my way over to my mom's office. Walking in through the central sterile department doors, I see her employees working away to get all the tools and instruments clean and sterilized for the surgeries to come. I wave at the lady working and the guy next to her asking a question, holding up two parts that looked to be broken. Oh, mom's gonna love that. I turn and make my way through the little door on the left with her office, it looks like a hallway. the long narrow office has a desk all the way at the end and when my mom rolls back in her chair it hits the wall. I sit in the little chair next to her desk and look at the clutter. My mom doesn't like clutter, so I bet her office drives her crazy. I look up and see the poster on her door with a picture of Agnes, the little girl from despicable me, with the words 'God only lets things grow to perfection, some of us don't take as long as others.' written above her.

"You like that huh?" mom smirks at me noticing my smile with my eyes glued to the paper printout taped to her office door.

"Ya I bet that really tall dude out there loves it too." I reply while laughing a little.

"Want to go pick up something to eat before your appointment and we can have lunch together?" mom asks while looking back at her computer. "I want to go with you to your appointment, but I want you to do this first one so you can ask your doctor all the questions you need to and answer without being worried about me hearing them."

"Okay, I want pho for some reason. There's a place down the way if you wanna look at their menu?" I'm filled with happiness at the moment. My mom is giving me space with the doctor so that I can answer honestly to get the best treatment for me and my baby.

"Ya, get me whatever you're getting, here take my card to pay for lunch."

"Okay, thanks mom! I'll be back soon." I get up and grab my purse heading out the door.

Pulling into the little restaurant I look around the little strip and have so many memories of me with my church friends eating at the Village Inn across the parking lot and the Costa Vida a couple doors down. I went to church around the corner from here for most of my life. That is all in the past now and we left that church because they weren't spiritually feeding it's members anymore, they only wanted numbers instead of a real community that they could gradually grow. I miss it honestly. I turn and walk into the restaurant letting the nice older lady behind the counter I'm here for my take out order.

"Just one minute." she smiles and turns walking into the kitchen and comes back out a minute later with a big bag that smells like heaven and paper all mixed together.

"Thank you so much!" I say handing her the card to pay and taking the bag. After she swipes the card I head back out to my car and put the food in the passenger seat heading back to the hospital. It's 12:30 I have 30 minutes before my appointment so I need to hurry into mom's office and eat something before I get sick again.

"Here mom, I only have a minute to eat. I wanna get there a little early so I can fill out all the paperwork." I say walking into her office and quickly getting into the bag as I set it on the desk. Pulling out my container of broth and the box with all the delicious meat, noodles and vegetables that go into the broth. Quickly shoving a few giant mouthfuls of food in before jumping up and making my exit.

"Bye Lee, take a deep breath and enjoy the first time seeing your baby okay?" mom says looking at me like she can't believe her baby is all grown up and having a baby of her own. It's weird to see the change in my mom from the first night where she was really upset and definitely disappointed to now where she is looking at me with love and wonder.

"Alright mom, I'll come back and tell you how it goes when I'm done."

Getting upstairs to the OB floor, I step off the elevator and into the office. I see a young receptionist with Theresa on her name tag. The office is full of chairs and a few women and couples waiting around to see their doctor, there are a couple tv's with HGTV playing and magazines on the couple end tables that are sitting between batches of chairs. There's a wall of different pamphlets to educate the women who come to this office, I see one for adoption and grab my stomach. 'I'm never letting you go sweet baby, I'll protect you and love you forever.' I know my baby can't hear my thoughts, or even my voice at this point, but I hope they can feel the love I have for them pouring through my body. I step around the wall to the desk and let her know of my appointment.

"Hi, how can I help you?" Theresa says with a smile on her face, her hazel eyes are kind and her dark hair falls to her shoulders. She has beautiful apple cheeks and a slender pointed nose.

"Hi, my name is Aleesha Thompson and I have an appointment with Dr. Lake today at 1." I say returning her smile and feeling very awkward because I'm walking into this appointment as a single mom.

"Okay, I see you on the schedule. Can I get a copy of your insurance card and have you fill out this paper work for me while you wait? If you don't finish before the nurse calls you back, just finish it while you're in the room and give it to the nurse when you're done."

"Okay, thank you." I take the paper and hand her my insurance card letting her know I'll come back and get it. Sitting down as the nausea rolls through my stomach again making my head swirl.

"Here you go sweetheart." Theresa came around handing me my insurance card. "Are you feeling alright? Do you need juice or anything?"

"No, I'm okay. Thank you though." I say putting the card back in my wallet.

"Aleesha Thompson?" An older looking nurse comes out just before I finish my paperwork. I ger up and walk over to her. "Why don't you come back and give me a urine sample and then I'll get your blood pressure." She says and turns for me to follow her through the door behind her.

"Okay, thank you." I follow after her and right through the doors there is a young lady behind a desk. She smiles at me from where she sits behind her desk. Her dark hair is pulled behind her in a ponytail, her beautiful brown eyes sparkle with her happiness and her dark skin is smooth making her look like a teenager not the twenty something year old she is. I turn and see the other nurse looking at me and pointing to the scale.

"Can you step up here so I can get a weight from you?"

After getting weighed, peeing in a cup and finishing the paper work from the front desk I'm sitting in the doctors office waiting for Dr. Lake to come in. When he walks in, he's talking to his nurse who brings in a laptop and follows behind him typing on it as she goes.

"Hi there Aleesha, I'm Dr. Lake." He extends his hand for me to shake.

"Hi, nice to meet you." I say and then he gets right into it, asking questions giving me a little run down of how many babies he's delivered and letting me ask any questions I might have for him. After we finish he has me lie back on the table and lift my shirt. He puts the warm gel on my stomach and puts the little wand thing on it, moving it around a bit. I thought the gel was supposed to be cold, everyone always said it was cold. As if reading my thoughts he responds.

"We like to keep it warm, it isn't always like this, but we try." He keeps moving the wand around and trying to get different angles, he looks really confused. Just then he says something that I didn't know would break my heart, but it did. "I don't see anything, I also don't hear a heartbeat."