My survival

In 1999 January that time I am not working, I was leave in Windhoek with two cousin of me, Sisco and her big sister. Sisco , work in one supermarket call pick pay in Windhoek, while her sister work part time and study in Polytechnic Namibia. I was only home doing nothing, waiting Sisco to finish to work and than we can go out for party, or to sit in any restaurant to eat and drink. Our reason to go out , to find white man, because Sisco told me , Selma let try to dating white man, black people they are useless, and the don't help nothing, that is Sisco said to me , one day. I said ok, we can trying other cultures. But for me , was not realy the first because I use to have a white man , one boy , Name is John , he came from Holland and live in Namibia , working there. He was nice with, sometimes call me , to invite me his house to eating and sleep at his place , some day. But he that boy , told me he has his girlfriend live in Burundi, in Africa. I said its OK. One day, I was so bolling at home, than I said myself , let me to go supermarket to buy some drinks and a newspaper. I buy it , than I am back home to wait my cousin. When I start to ready my newspaper, in one paper, writing, This one man , age of 40 , from Germany looking a beautiful woman to married I n Africa. , She must honestly and write your name , address, telephone and you put three picture for you and to this address, the address is From Germany. I said let me try my lucky, who know maybe Iam a lucky person.I did not take more time, I write my name and everything and I put three pictures of me, that time I was having nice figures and attractive lady and I was looking so beautiful. When my cousin came back home, I tell my cousin that. But she said in Germany is too far, maybe he will not write me back. But I did not thinks that negative thoughts, because I use to think Always positive, when I said something until today, idont like negative thoughts. If see some people who like to talk negative, I stop them and I go far way from them. That is me! I continue to go out with my cousin, sometimes Afternoon and sometimes could be on the weekend Saturday and Sunday. We use to wear good and s*x , to try our lucky, to meet white man, but we did not find no one interesting for us. Iam Christian, Sunday, I like to go to Church and pray day and night. Even Iam not working , What I said Iam a blessing person that word was always in my mind. One night I just have a dreaming, Iam in aircraft, I see things down is too small and when I came out, I see a lot of people mixed some, India, Black Chinese and more white people, when I wake up , I said what kind of this dreaming. Came back again I think three time. But I keep secrets myself, Idid not tell anything my cousins because they have negative thoughts that I don't like it. In middle of February, when I open our box ,,I see i get a letter, I check it. letter came from Germany, I was shock, luck I was alone at home. I open it, The same man was writing in newspaper, searching black women write me. Said to me , My name Mr Leonard Oesterle live in Germany in Taunfeld, when I see your picture, Iam interested on you. Here is my picture, 5 picture, he put inside, and he said This month February, I came with my colleague to Namibia to meet you face to face. He put other picture two for his friends, said I must find his colleagues two good ladies too. I take the envelope than I go to my cousin where she is working in supermarket. I was so happy. When I see my cousin,,look I told you,,Germany man , they will came to meet me. She was shock , said what that is really, I said yes not a scamm or anything. We came home, we dance and sing more. The same week, Leonard with his colleagues was caming. on that letter, he give me the date, the time and the place I have to go and meet him. One Quest house in Windhoek. On that week, we prepare to choose what we can wear and ironing our clothes. It was morning time around 9: 00 am , We just hear Hallo, Someone call my name , Selma and my family name, I said Yes, I go outside, I surprise, I see three white man , wear Safari clothes , Leonard have my picture in his hand, hanging me, kiss me and he was so happy. so they did not go the place, he just came and pick me up. Was realy nice and I was not believed. The wait us to wear, and we go to their car. When we are outside, every body, ours neighbours, look and watch , wonder how this white came to meet me. That day, we go to the Quest house , because the book arleady. I tell my cousin to choose one man, a friend for Leonard name Sepp, like my cousin Sisco, but her sister don't like white people, said to us , no, no, you people go, me ,Iam stay here. Anyway, she have own boyfriend a Namibian. They was driving a Safari two car with tent up. When we entered in car , everybody was watching us. It was realy beutiful, meaning my dream came true and I have the word Iam a blessed Child that i said myself in my heart. That time we go through Bostwona and Kavango Desert. My Boy start always came to Namibia to visit me. That time, he use of nice to be buy for me new clothes and support me money too. In March , I fell pregnant, I was so happy but him not , understand why ? When we travel to Botswana, I just see that man, he talk with his mobile, with one lady in Germany language. That time, te , I don't speak any word of the Germany. Idont understand nothing what the talk about it. I ask him, who is that you talk with? He said to me, one lady she take care of my house, my animals.He said he have a lot of 🐄 cows, 35,20 Horses , Sheep's and 15 goats . I believe him and I was trust him, because I don't know anything. One day, I was pregnant, that him he flight back to his Country.I call him, to said Iam pregnant for him. He told in the Phone , Please don't tell nobody, your colleague or your family too. I ask him , why, he said to me, Iam caming next week to visit you and to discuss, about your and pregnant. I said ok.but I was ready tell all friends and my Family too. For security. Because I start to fear hi m, why he doesn't want me ,to tell all the problem.Next he came to Namibia to visit me and I was booking in one Hotel ,out othe city name is Alebush.He call me, to said I will came to pick me up. I was surprised, why this time he came alone. He use to came with Group of hid