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Lonely Road Ahead part 1

Lonely Road Ahead

Volume 1

Takano Masamune

Chapter 1: Wish

***

I wrote 15 books in my first year as an Author, I was called a prodigy, writing wasn’t an escape, it was the essence of my being, I did it effortlessly, I did it because I had to many stories to tell and so little places to tell them… So why is it…

That the following year I did 11 books, and then the one after that only three, and then… I haven’t had a new book this year, not for the past five months…

Am I… burned out?

Just when was it that it started, that the ever so vivid colors I used to see had become nothing but your plain old gray. I was disappointed in this existence before, but now it seems like I had just… gotten used to it. Or more correct of a word would be indifferent…

But isn’t being indifferent to the world similar to death? What is there to live for if nothing you have is ever going to make you feel anything?

“What do you think?” Samuel asked while staring up at the ceiling, assuming his editor had finished reading his new manuscript.

“This is… possibly the most cynical piece of media you’ve ever written… I’m really not sure what to tell you.” The Editor Carly spoke in a rather soft tone as if she was holding back from bashing the man into his desk.

“Yeah, yeah whatever. Can you publish it or not?” Samuel asked as he peaked over the sofa onto which he was lying on his back.

“Of course not… readers don’t want to be reminded of the cruel reality they live in… books are about fantasies you know? It’s supposed to be something that brings you out of this mundane world….” Carly spoke with a heavy sigh that escaped her lips.

“You’ve got it totally wrong! It’s exactly what those constantly seeking an escape need to read. Something realistic that keeps them grounded, isn’t it different than the rest?” Samuel asked as he sat up on the sofa.

“It is different but that’s not always a good thing. We know what your readers like. So why are you so against writing that instead?” Carly asked while tilting her head to the side, at this point it sounded more and more like her pleading with the man.

“It’s not like I don’t want to write best sellers like before… it’s just that I don’t feel the same way I did four years ago when I was still a student.” Samuel explained while leaning forward and grabbing his box of cigarettes.

“Sure but it was that youthfulness and hope for life that made people engage in your books you know?” Carly remarked.

“Yeah, yeah but I no longer believe in that stuff… So I can’t write something I don’t believe in at all…” Samuel continued. “Besides don’t the younglings only want supernatural bullshit, like those stuff with aliens and tentacles and vampires and stuff…?”

“Well yes but it’s not like-” Carly was suddenly pushed aside by Samuel who had no intention of listening to her any longer. “W-wait, one more thing-!” She tried to speak before she was kicked out.

“What is it?” Samuel asked with a heavy sigh escaping his lips.

“You should really try to get some sleep, you’ve had it rough while trying to get these done, right? I’m worried about you.” Carly’s words sounded gentle and kind. “…if you die then I will be out of a job.” She spoke with a grim expression on her face.

“Get out.” Samuel pointed to the door and the woman left quickly and wordlessly. Leaving the man to pounder all the more on what he should do next.

‘Changing up my style…’ Samuel wondered to himself as he closed his eyes. Then opened them up again, he couldn’t relax after all. “Haa… if only it was that easy to fall asleep…” He sighed while getting up and grabbing his cigarettes and his keys then heading out on the terrace.

He disliked going outside because of his extreme social anxiety but every once in a while he would just sit on his terrace and watch the world as if it was a completely separate place than the one he lived in.

Sometimes the colors outside would be vibrant and he’d see various people getting along with each other and other times he would see the grim atmosphere that was almost always followed by a sour mood from the people outside.

Samuel always felt like he could never get along with those people, like he was an existence outside of theirs, like they weren’t the same species…

Then yet maybe all Authors had such delusions of grandeur… or maybe it was the opposite and he felt less than them, which was why he was unable to relate to their experiences.

Maybe writing was the thing that made him understand others… the thing that made him want to try to connect with people he otherwise wouldn’t…

“Ugh… such a load of bullshit…” Samuel cursed under his breath, he watched as a beautiful woman was being hit on by a rather unsavory looking man.

He was high up enough not to be able to hear their exchange but close enough, as they were under his terrace, that he would be able to do something about it. Casually he dropped his now half finished cigarette on top of the man’s head. He looked up to glare at him, The woman he was talking to quickly made a run for it while he was distracted.

“You fucker…” The man that lost the chance to harass that woman now looked upset. Samuel simply shrugged his shoulders and headed back inside.

He didn’t do that because he wanted to be seen as a hero, more so he wanted to do it because he found men like that annoying… So annoying he couldn’t stand there and watch it happen.

“Ha… I’m bored…” It was the whole truth, Samuel, age 24, someone that had made a name for himself as an Author of various genres, as a young prodigy was now at that fragile age stumped as to what to do.

His life was simply boring, he didn’t go anywhere and he didn’t do anything that would make him feel… That could be the sole cause of his unbelievably un-amusing recent works.

“Maybe…” Samuel glanced at the door. If he were to go outside right now would there be anything out there that would interest him? Would he be able to find something that motivates him and makes him feel alive again?

Or would it be more disappointment… was it worth the risk?

Slowly Samuel headed towards the door, he wasn’t concerned with the way he looked until he saw himself in the large mirror near the entrance. Did he really look like this?

His blond hair was unbelievably messy, is curls had turned to strange directions, his thick black framed glasses made his face look somewhat more intellectual usually but in this case it made him look nerdy and like someone that didn’t take care of himself. His skin had been breaking out, his clothes were in disarray and he was sweaty from just lying around in the same clothes for the past week.

He wasn’t fit to go outside right now… but then there was a knock at his door unexpectedly. It scared him since he was standing so close.

He leaned in to see who was outside his door but he didn’t see anyone… Samuel reached out his hand slowly to open it and then-

“Surprise!” It was one of the neighbor’s kids, Cyntia, she was 11 years old and a rather reckless kid.

“f**k you scared me…” Samuel cursed under his breath as he stared at the child.

“Don’t say bad words!” Cyntia seemed angry.

“Then don’t go up to stranger’s doors… fuck.” Samuel cursed yet again as he pulled out another cigarette out the box.

“Smoking it bad!” Cyntia remarked as she crossed her arms.

“And so it roaming around on your own.” Samuel repeated himself once more. “Where’s that annoying father of yours?” He asked without batting an eye.

“Ah, I think he’s dying.” Cyntia remarked with a straight face while looking up at the man.

“Wha-?!” Samuel’s shock was so apparent as he dropped the unlit cigarette right out his mouth and it fell to the ground quickly. He rushed over to his neighbor’s apartment and knocked on the door then opened it and entered. “Cameron!” Samuel yelled out as he saw the man lying on the ground unmoving.

“f**k… I have to call an ambulance. Hey brat! Tell me what happened exactly?” Samuel turned back to Cynthia who was right behind him.

“Dad collapsed, saying ‘I’m dying of exhaustion’ and he’s sleeping now.” Cynthia explained with that childlike innocence that gradually disappears as one gets older.

“What… so he’s just overworked?” Samuel tilted his head to the side and noticed the large eye bags under Cameron’s eyes and the work that was pilled up on the kitchen table. Along the stacks of various documents were about 7 cans of energy drinks and an empty cup of coffee.

“Haa… to think I got worried for nothing…” Samuel remarked as he stood up and headed out the door but the kid stood in his way.

“Please help dad… he needs to sleep in his bed or he’ll catch a cold.” The eleven year old girl that seemed far too mature for her age stood there with her hands extended not allowing the man to walk outside.

Samuel stood there for a bit and then reluctantly headed back inside…

Chapter 2: Dad

***

It was about an hour and a half later when Cameron finally woke up to the smell of something delicious. “…Claudia… did you cook?” He suddenly asked under his breath as he reached out his hands to grasp the waist of the person he presumed to be his wife..

“Sorry to disappoint but I’m a dude…” Samuel said while indifferently glancing back at the half asleep man. “When are you going to get over your ex wife already? I can see why she divorced you, you’re so clingy…” He spoke mercilessly as he turned around and served the table, Cynthia was already there eating.

“Ah, I’m so sorry! I didn’t really think what I was doing was…” Cameron stumbled over his words but the other man stopped him.

“That’s enough, just go wash your hands and sit down to eat. Then you can make your excuses.” Samuel told him as he headed to the table himself.

After they all sat down, Cameron reluctantly began eating until he noticed the man hadn’t put anything in front of himself. “Aren’t you going to eat too?” He asked him carefully.

“I’m not hungry.” Samuel remarked as he raised the cup of coffee up to his lips and took another sip.

“I’m done!” Cynthia said while raising her hands and standing off the table.

“Take your dishes to the sink.” Samuel reminded her.

“Ah, yes!” Cynthia turned back around and picked them off the table, carrying them to the sink where she submerged them in water.

“You have such a smart kid, I wonder if she just takes after your wife…” Samuel again mercilessly attacked the man’s pride.

“Did Cynthia call you here?” Cameron asked while glancing down at his plate.

“Don’t ask the obvious. How about you take some responsibility and show resilience, otherwise that kid will get used to seeing you dying on the floor, she won’t be able to tell if you’re just sleeping or not.” Samuel reprimanded the man without holding back.

“I get that… but I’m just no good at working and taking care of her at the same time… I tried taking my work back home so I could be around her at least but I just ended up working more overtime and it’s a mess… all of it…” Cameron spoke whole heartedly as he leaned over the table.

“Hey, don’t cry over the food, it’s rude!” Samuel warned him while patting him on the back harshly. “And stop with the excuses, you have to be better than this.”

“I’m trying, I really am… I just… since Claudia left me I haven’t been able to focus at all… and she hasn’t called, she doesn’t want to see Cynthia… and Cynthia is acting like it’s not bothering her at all for my sake but how could it not bother her? What kind of a mother doesn’t want to see or speak to her daughter?” Cameron was very upset, if he were to speak any more than that and tears would likely start welling down his face again.

“Enough with all that self pity. It’s making me feel sick.” Samuel released a heavy sigh as he stood up from the table.

“Please, wait!” Cameron grabbed onto him and fell to his knees.

“What’s with you?! Get up, what if your daughter sees you like this!?” Samuel tried to pry the man’s hands away but was unable to.

“She’s seen worse.” Cameron didn’t seem to mind.

“Dad, I’m going out to school! Katelyn’s mom is picking me up!” Cynthia remarked as she headed to the door, not really waiting for a response from her dad.

“Have a nice day at school!” Cameron yelled out but there was no telling if she heard him or not. “Look, could you have a drink with me tonight?” Cameron asked as he pulled the man in.

“For a weak guy you sure have a strong grip…” Samuel remarked while rising his eyebrow. “Why should I drink with you again? So you can complain about how bad your life is? Well sorry buddy but I’m not having a great time either.” He spoke without minding the man clinging to him.