Her Broken Rainbow

You gotta be

“Time asks no questions, it goes on without you

Leaving you behind if you can’t stand the pace

The world keeps on spinning 

Can’t stop it if you tried to

The best part is danger staring you in the face”

~You Gotta Be

Des’ree

I wake to find one of the paramedics stationed at the airport kneeling over me. I must have blacked out for a moment because all of my friends were standing off in front of me as a few first responders assessed my condition. 

“Ma’am, can you hear me? Miss Waterson, look at me if you can hear me.” I turn to the gentleman to my right. 

“Yes I can hear you, I’m alright. I think I just blacked out.” I replied. 

“Are you feeling pain anywhere? You didn’t hit your head, your friend caught you before you hit the ground. Do you feel any pain?” He asks. I shake my head no. “Can you tell me your full name and today’s date?” He asks, trying to gage my mental state. 

“Raenn Bo Waterson, it’s January 30th, 2021.” I say. He nods and then shines a light in both my eyes to check for head trauma, possible concussion. Once they deem me alright to move someone helps me to my feet as an antsy Sky reaches for my hand and draws me to him. 

“You ok, baby girl?” He asks. I nod but don’t speak. They give us the green light to leave and everyone walks me out towards the pick up area, already having collected the luggage and placed it on one of the baggage carts. There’s already two SUV’s ready to load our luggage and take us to the resort at Universal studios. The drive isn’t bad as I sit back and stare at the passing scenery. I can hear the conversation as they try to ignore the ugly elephant that was my episode. I love my friends, they give me the time to process but I will no doubt be grilled to the ends of the earth as soon as we get into the room. 

We get checked into the hotel and are directed to our room with one of the concierge employees bringing our luggage. The room is huge, it’s a group suite that fits 8 comfortably. There’s a kitchenette and a common room, two large bed room type areas on either side of the common room, each housing 4 beds. We plan to have girls on one side and boys on the other. Each room has an adjoining bathroom as well, so we can easily get ready without fighting for bathroom time. We drag our bags to our respective beds, mine being closest to the window, furthest from the doorway. I lift my large travel bag that houses my bathroom supplies, cosmetics and shoes. 

“Alright, I’m breaking the silence. Raenn, what happened back there?” Ria was the first to ask. 

“Nothing. Just a freak episode.” I dismissed it without looking at them. 

“Bullshit.” Shay says 

I heave a sigh and sit down next to my bag. “He’s out.” I whisper. 

“Oh fuck.” Shay breathes. The room goes eerily quiet. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I was so ready to go through this trip and not think about it once. But now, I don’t know. I’m just so scared.” The tears that have been threatening to fall, spill over and my body shakes with sobs that are long overdue. Shay comes to my side and holds me tight against her. Alaria and Zoe sit on the other side of me, pushing my bag aside. It’s times like this that makes you grateful to have friends like them. We sit for a bit and they let me cry it out before Zoe tucks a loose hair behind my ear and declares it time to get up, get strong and keep moving. 

“Alright ladies, we have dinner in a few hours so let's get up and go wander the universal strip mall and see what they have to buy!” Ria says and stands up. I exchange my leggings for jean shorts, a loose long sleeve black crop top and my flip flops. My hair is still good from the massive amount of hair spray I used and my makeup wasn’t too affected by my cry sesh. We leave the room and find the guys sitting on the couches in the common room. I wonder if they heard my earlier episode. From the look on Skylar’s face they either heard or one of the girls gave them a heads up text. Sky comes to my side, his hand automatically wrapping around my waist. 

“You ok, baby girl?” He says low enough for only me to hear. I nod and hug him back. I didn’t feel like hashing that out again so I had hoped they already knew. I looked towards the couch and made eye contact with Nick. He nods at me without saying anything and I take that as confirmation. I smile slightly and shrug in a, what are you gonna do about it, kind of way. He smiles but doesn’t make further comments. 

“Alright, are we all good now? Ready to go walk around?” Zach asks, looking over at me for confirmation. 

“We’re good, I’m ready.” I reply so everyone can hear me vocally confirm that I”m fine, they don’t have to continue asking or tip toeing around my sensitive side. 

We left the room and walked down to the strip mall. I wanted to get a few souvenirs. I brought an extra bag as a carry-on, just in case I wanted to buy some things. We walk to a*****e that has a wall full of pop figures and cute superhero collectibles. I feel someone grab my hand and turn to see Sky’s face, filled with concern and what looks a lot like pity. 

“I’m fine. Don’t look at me that way. I’ll be fine.” I brush it off and continue down the line not quite looking at what’s for sale. 

“Don’t do that.” He tugs me to a stop. 

“Do what?” I say, trying to maintain my calm facade. 

“You know exactly what I mean Raenn.” At the sound of my name coming from his mouth I look up at him. He looks a bit hurt and I can tell he knows I’m lying. “You know damn well I care about you, I’ve shown it before. I’d have thought by now you were comfortable with talking to me. Now again Don’t shut down with me, talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking.” He nudges my side. 

“Well. I’m scared. This is my last week of freedom and it’ll be spent looking over my shoulder terrified he found a way to travel out here to finish me off.” I say, laughing at the end in a humorless fashion. I turn away from him, not wanting to see the pity anymore. This isn’t me, I’m not weak. I’ve spent the last 5 years building myself up, learning how to be strong, to be a fighter. I can do this. Except I can’t. I’m utterly terrified and we all know it. His hand comes up under my chin and he turns my face towards his. 

“Rae, I’m right here with you. You don’t have to be brave all the time. Not around me. Tell me how you really feel.” He all but pleads. He has these eyes. Soft yet hard, showing there’s some kind of knowledge about hurt and pain. The same kind of loss. The blue is almost inviting but still holds a bit of their own secrets. I want to talk to him. I want to let him know how I feel. But I don’t like what else I see in them. There’s that word I don’t like, I don’t want. Pity. That apologetic, you’re a vulnerable little puppy who just got kicked, look. I hate that look. 

“How about you take a raincheck? I'll tell you later. Right now I just want to get my bearings again. Get back into vacation mode. We can do the heavy stuff later.” I ask, pleading with my eyes for him to drop it. He seems to understand and nods, hugging me closer to him for a few moments. 

We shopped around for a few hours, stopping at a snack shop for some funnel cakes and a Dr. Pepper. We head back to the room to get ready for dinner. I shower and lotion before putting on a pair of green lace panties and bra set. I walk to my bed wrapped in a towel while Shay takes the next shower shift. Going casual but flashy, I dress in a sage green cross chest blouse that fits skin tight with long sleeves that fan out past the elbow. I match with a pair of dark blue skinny jeans showing just a sliver of belly skin. I end with my all black DC shoes. While my hair is still damp I grab a handful of pomade and run it through and slightly spiking the ends. I swipe on eyeliner and mascara. Half an hour later we’re done getting ready, walking out to see the boys waiting as always. 

“Alright, let's go get some food!” As always Zach jumps at the opportunity to eat. He’s a garbage disposal. 

“Food!” Shay jumps in place, making me cringe at the heels she’s wearing. You either wear heels or you don't. There's no in between. I don’t. 

Nick leads us out of the room and to the elevators. We ride down and exit the hotel. A shuttle connecting the parks together takes us from the hotel down to the strip mall where the restaurant is located. The atmosphere in this place is great. Low lighting gives it a summer on the beach type feel. Steaks grilled over open flame, the outdoorsy nature vibe. I ordered the brook trout with potatoes and grilled vegetables. Dinner arrives and everyone falls into a quiet discussion. Nick is sitting at the head of the table to my left, Sky to my right. “Rae, you know we’re here for you no matter what. We’ll figure this out once we get home but for now I hope you can find a way to put it in the back and enjoy our vacation. We have a week of uninterrupted fun. That kid is too broke to come all the way out here. Even if he does, I won't let him anywhere near you. The boys and I will protect you.” He was a stand-in for big brother. I was closer to Alaria than any of the other girls so Shyne and I adopted him as our own and he was always ok with that. I think he knew that we needed someone in a place like he was for Ria. he grabs my hand and gently squeezes to show he means it. I smile back and nod, too choked up to answer. I cleared my throat and managed to say thank you, squeezing his hand for emphasis. 

I can feel that Sky went slightly tense next to me, more than likely having heard the exchange between Nick and I. His hand comes to rest on my thigh and gently rubs his thumb over my jeans. I reach down and squeeze his hand in silent appreciation. I finish my meal as I fall into conversation with everyone talking about anything and nothing. This is what I love, the times I want to cherish the most. My friends have always been there for me, Nick and Alaria, never failing to have my back and keep my sister and I safe. Zoe and Shay are always reminding me to stay wild and live freely like every day is your last. I couldn’t ask for better support. We finish dinner and decide it’s time for bed. Since we can’t drink it sounds better to go back watch movies or turn in early for the night. Trust me that’s ok, at some point we’ll have Justin get us some alcohol since he’s the only legal one in our group. 

Back at the room I take another shower, washing off my makeup and the pomade out of my hair. I deep condition with a coco butter mask while slowly taking my time shaving my body. I rinse my hair and body and step out of the shower. Drying off I apply my lotion, checking for any missed spots of hair anywhere. I put on my favorite set of black lace panties and bra, before slipping on some short shorts and a batman t-shirt. I walk out to see everyone sitting in the common room watching Ridiculousness reruns.  Sky isn’t in the room with them so I go in search of him. I check the kitchen but he isn’t there, so I grab a bottle of Dr. Pepper and head out to the balcony. He was sitting in a lounge chair watching out over the city smoking a cigarette. Just seeing his profile, so relaxed and at peace. It makes me feel calm, like everything will be alright and nothing can break this, nothing can break us. He’s everything I thought I’d want. Yet no way did he meet my expectations, he easily surpassed what I didn’t even know I was looking for. 

“You know smoking is disgusting and bad for your health.” I say sitting down in a lounge chair next to him. He puts his cigarette out in the ashtray on the table and stands up. He reaches forwards and pulls me out of my chair, dragging me into his lap. With my legs across his lap and his arm around my waist I snuggle close to him. 

“I know, I’m trying to quit. I only smoke when I’m stressed, which usually is rare. Guess tonight is different, right?” I nod understanding more than anyone. 

“How much of that incident do you know about?” I asked him, knowing he would understand the topic. 

“I know pretty much everything that happened and the basics of what he was doing to you before he .. did what he did.” I node but stay quiet. 

Well, I guess that saves me from having to explain. Mentally I decide this is the last time I will open this box of feelings and emotions for the rest of this trip. After today we won't even think of anything pertaining to home. It’s all vacation from here.