Loving Izi

Any references to historical events, real people, or real places used fictitiously in this story. Names, characters, and places are products of the author's imagination. Read at your own risk. There are scenes written in this story that are not suitable for young readers who are conservative and not open-minded enough to understand the said scenes.  This story is unedited so typographical and grammatical errors are expected. *** Sunrises and sunsets are really indeed a masterpiece from His creative hands. I never really thought that this world could be so beautifully fascinating.  I shivered when I felt the chilly wind wanting to announce its arrival. It blew around my room making my curtains dance freely and unconsciously flipping the pages of my book. It was gloomy outside.  An overcast that I could have my entire life. I love the sun but this current weather is so calm and gray. From the atmosphere to the lithosphere and down to its depths. It was all perfect. He made all of these not just to showcase but to share in each of us the nostalgic feeling of His power.   He bestowed His breath upon me so I could live. He showed me mercy so I befriend and treasure the people in my life. He gave me an intellect so I can share my knowledge to the world. But there is one thing — one powerful thing that I've never encountered in my life, until the day I met him. "Uy!" I was taken aback when I heard Urm's deep voice. I spun around to face her.  "Nag eemote ka na naman diyan?" I didn't bother answer her question, instead I averted my attention to my book. Nahirapan pa akong hanapin ang page kung saan ako huminto dahil hinipan ito ng hangin kanina. "Kain tayo Ianne. Nagugutom ako eh." Sabi niya sabay hila sa akin. I didn't have a choice but to let her pull me out of my room.  Urm is my best friend ever since we're young ganun din kay Hayden, ang isa ko pang best friend, unfortunately she's not here. Before college and after our graduation in Senior High, she went to Canada. Nandoon kasi ang mga magulang niya. Napagdesisyunan din nila na kunin siya at pag-aralin doon.  I saw my dad who was busy watching a basketball show in the TV. He turned his head to us and gave his warm smile. "Gutom na?" He asked me. I nod lazily as I gaze Urm who is now already in the kitchen.  "Sabay ka na sa amin dad." Umiling siya at ibinalik ulit sa TV ang atensyon.  "Mauna na kayo anak. I'll wait for your mom at siya na lang ang kasabay kong kumain."  "Alright." I sauntered into the kitchen. Urm is having a conversation with our cook. Tango siya nang tango pero kitang kita ko naman ang pasimple niyang pagkuha ng cheese na nasa gilid ni manang Ivy.  "Urm, mauubos yan. Wala ng magiging toppings si manang Ivy sa spaghetti." Saway ko sa kanya kaya napatingin sa akin si manang Ivy at agad bumaling kay Urm na nakasimangot na sa akin. What? I'm just saying. I don't want to go in the grocery just to buy a cheese dahil lang naubos nito ni Urm.  "You! You're really the antagonist in my life eh!" She crossed her arms while rolling her eyes at me. I sat on the barstool quietly not minding Urm's complaint about me being the evil in her life.  "Urm bakit mo kasi yan pinupulutan? Para sa spaghetti ang cheese na yan eh." I heard manang Ivy said habang nakapamaywang.  Napangalumbaba naman ako sa counter at hinintay na maluto ang spaghetti. I just realize na I'm hungry too. Nakakatakam kasi yung amoy ng niluluto ni manang.  "So, martyr ka pa rin sa kanya?" She brutally asked me. Pumangalumbaba rin siya sa harapan ko at tinaas baba niya pa ang kanyang dalawang kilay.  The ache in my heart is now slowly arising. Martyr? Is this really martyrdom? Hindi ba pwedeng naghihintay lang ako sa kanya? Na eventually magugustuhan niya rin ako?  I let out a deep sigh and bowed my head. I don't want her to see the pain in my eyes, though I know it's futile because she already knew since then that I'm hurting.  I'm hurting because the man that I'm so in love with doesn't know that these feelings of mine exist. May mahal siyang iba. Mahal na mahal na kahit wala na siya rito, siya pa rin ang laman ng puso at isipan ng lalakeng mahal ko.  It really hurts. I'm the one he knew first and he just met the girl after me. But siya pa rin. Siya pa rin ang pinili ng puso niyang mahalin.  If I'm going to confess my love towards him, would it be worth it? No. It will not. I will just ruin our friendship na iniingatan ko, dahil yun lang ang kaya niyang ibigay.  "Mahal ko eh" I softly answered her. She exaggeratedly gasped at pinokpok niya pa ang ulo ko. "Ouch! What was that for?" I cried habang hinahaplos ang ulo ko.  "That was for you tanga!" I cast a frown on what she just said.  "Tanga tanga kasi. Bakit pa sa lalakeng yun nagkagusto?" Bulong niya sa kawalan pero rinig na rinig ko naman. Tanga na kung tanga. Even it pains me to the depth; even I know that he will never reciprocate my love for him; even I will suffer alone in this love, I will accept it. This is a lifetime feeling. Because for me, love will only come into your life once.  I wholeheartedly accept this love even it doesn't benefit me. It is unconditional. The pain; the sometimes longing for his affection or even just his attention; the torture seeing him so in love with another woman; the struggle in breathing every time he looks at me emotionless, and the words "You're just a friend to me" from him — despite all of these, I will still love the man I will forever in love with. I know it sucks but, my whole life is all about loving Izi. ***