Monsters and Dolls'

Conflicts of a Doll

I have a problem; that’s the first step right, admitting you have a problem, my problem is Duran; I really like him, maybe even love him, the problem with that is I know I cant have a relationship with him, the easy way is to say my family wouldn’t allow this relationship.

It’s easy for me to lose track of time when I’m washing dishes in the back away from everyone else, it’s like another world back here, I find myself enjoying it from time to time, other than getting socked from water splashing back at me.

The best way to explain my feelings for this relationship with Duran is saying that I’m not sure how invested I am in him, I deeply care about him, but I have these moments of what feels like clarity.

Sometimes it’s as if these feelings I have for him aren’t real, they aren’t my own; I can only describe it like rose tinted glasses I can’t see the red flags. The biggest red flag is I have no one to tell this relationship to, family wont approve so I won’t tell, I’ve uprooted all my friends who were toxic (which was all of them) the only people I have left are the people I work with, but that’s as far as it goes, I just work with them, I don’t want to know them on a personal leave and they don’t want to know me that way either.

Of course these people I work with were interested in me when Duran first came around showing an interest in me, my coworkers showed an interest in me as well, they wanted the details I didn’t have, the s*x he and I never did, correcting them could have blown my cover and I could have been thrown on the menu as the new girl, which could end in creeps passing me around like joint at a teenage party.

My coworkers stopped asking about me, and how I got Duran to notice me and what Duran is like in bed, when I ‘wouldn’t’ tell them the juicy stuff they wanted, so they left me alone, again. It’s hard to make friends, I think even if I had friends, I wouldn’t be a good friend or at least that’s what my old friends said about me.

Drying the dishes, I try to steady my hands as I feel my thoughts making my body now act with them, my anxious feelings that Duran will leave me have increased and I feel sick or maybe it’s because I might leave him.

I have a nagging voice in the back of my head  saying that my feelings for him are a lie, he’s a monster after all, monsters know magic, I know they can manipulate the minds of human’s, we are the weaker species, I just didn’t think he would, or maybe I hoped he wouldn’t.

After being told to clock out early, I’m sitting in the break room my coat on my back holding my head in my arms as I try to calm myself down, my answer to calming down is to message Duran and let him know I got off early tonight, I neglect to tell him it’s because of a panic attack.

With all the negative thoughts roaring in my head I try to allow my positive ones to shine though, to bring peace, to allow myself to feel good about a choice I’m making, I’ll see Duran in a little bit, and then I’ll go to my family’s home and in a night or two I’ll see Duran again, I can make the decision to stay or if I go then.

Grabbing my purse I head out the main doors, knowing Duran’s here I’d like to leave sooner rather than later, how shitty would it look to my work if they felt I had to clock out early for a panic attack only to leave with my customer, without having him pay.

I bet I would get fired, I almost smile at the thought, but I know I can’t have that happen, I need this job, I can’t leave it and I can’t be fired, I push the doors open allowing myself to smile as I walk up and open the back seat door to Duran’s town car letting myself in.

“Hey there doll,” he winks and it throws me, I get light headed and happy, I feel good around him, why and how was I having those feelings earlier.

“Hi,” I say shyly we kiss greeting each others bodies happily, Duran suggest we got to Aldo’s, I agree, I could use a drink, looking back at Duran I start thinking about my earlier conflict, perhaps I could make my decision tonight, it would work perfectly, whatever I learn tonight wont matter because I’ll leave to see my family tomorrow.

The absolute worst case I can think of in this scenario is I learn how a skeleton can f**k a human, and I’ve always been curious to know that. I’m excited for this night with Duran as I am for every other, but this one I’m more nervous about.