My Love, Kostua

I wrote this letter exactly May 27, 2024... Two years and six months ago since you left me... I found this email letter schedule and I guess this is something very special because they allow us to email in the future... The future... Two years and six months ago... I'm here, typing these words because this are words that I'm supposed to say to you straight from my heart. I love you. I miss you. I've been waiting for you... It's been forty-eight days since that day you went away and yet I still feels like it just happened yesterday... I didn't know what really happened that day when you decided to leave me... but whatever it is I hope and pray that it won't matter to me anymore -prior to this day that you'll be able to receive my email. It only meant, years had already passed by... Time flies and I'm so sure that after all these years... You are still the one I loved... You're my greatest love, my first and last love... Remember, my heart never gets tired of loving you... It always choose you despite of pain, tears... It's always you my love. Please believe me everytime I keep insisting to you that you're my destiny, my soulmate... even if we didn't end up together... I choose my destiny, I choose my soulmate and that is you... It's always a choice of heart. My heart choose you because it is meant to love you endlessly... I'll always pray for you... I'm excited for your birthday because I have plans of celebrating it even if you're no longer here with me... My love for you will never end and it just keeps growing fonder because of your absence... I always love you and I miss you every breath that I take... Everywhere I go and do there's always you.... I'm forever grateful and blessed because my heart choose you... I'll take care of you in my heart and I always wait for you every single day of my life even to my next lifetime... I love you Kostua... My heart belongs only to you...You're my past, my now and my tomorrow... There's no goodbye right... So I just have to write I'll see you again...I love you 🤍... My tomorrow... What might the future holds. Once you receive this email it's been years since the last time I saw your gentle face... I wonder what made us already and where we are in the world now. How are you? do you still remember me? this certain woman named: April... do you? or I will make a recap of reminiscing the past... Well, I hope you still remember me... because my heart never forgets about you... All of you... How can I ever forget the only man I dearly loved the most... My first and last love... Yes you... It's always you my love... How's life? are you still single or married now? sorry if you're already married now... I didn't meant to disturb your life but you know... this email is from years ago... I just sent it now because I want to know what happened to us after that painful day you decided to leave me... Don't worry okay, for sure after long years I already understand why without explanation. I guess, I won't need it anymore because it's all in the past. I just really want to know what happened to you years after... because me? if ever you'll ask how I am? ... I don't know... I still don't know because remember I'm writing this in the past... So I can't answer you unless... You'll email me back... But I would like to imagine my future so I can give you answer just incase you don't want to email me back. You know me, for sure I still insist myself to you... but don't worry if you're really happily married and have kids now... I have no intention of messing up your life. You know, I did pray for your happiness... So yes, that's it. I'm really sorry if this email disturb you... So yes, to end this letter later of mine... Here's my expectations of what my future brings... I can say, I'm feeling better now... I finally learned to deal living with pain everyday... I survived! I really thought I won't but see... I'm still alive and I'm happy... not genuinely but atleast it's me again back to life... It's really true that the truest form of love sometimes not being able to be with that person... Not now but still holding on to that piece of your heart is with me... I'm happy loving you from a far and it feels good because even though I am still single and messing up with my life but atleast now I'm so expert to dance with the rain in my life. I'm still into writing and I believe I already finish some of the stories that I write (I'll pursue this in my reality). I still do some adventure trips alone or for sure with my bestfriend and meet new friends to new places and town. I still eat street foods and give some to homeless people. I still buy some sells of vendors in the streets because I feel pity for them... and the badjao's? they still don't want to take my one peso coin so better to still avoid them. Funny! I still go to some of our favourite places and eat your favourite foods. It's always my favourite too. I learned to get back on my single era life but with you always in my heart... Did you know! I already marry you in my heart... So technically, emotionally I am not single at all. You're my husband at heart! I always love you and everyday in my life is with you. Remember my heart is always meant to love you. It's never easy getting back to life without you by my side... I never stop loving you... I just learned to accept that you aren't really meant for me... Sometimes we are meant for someone but they're simply not meant for us... and it's funny how I am still here waiting for you... I guess the curse in me is really true. Remember?! that wedding gown I wore because the client can't wear it due to her soon to be husband was there. Do you remember that story? people believe if you're single and you wear a wedding gown... You won't ever get married. Lol, so here I am... Living proof of being a single but married at heart. Haist Kostua my love... I hope after all these years... You already found what your heart's missing piece... I won't lie! it hurts me so bad but love is never selfish... My love for you endure even the worst pain... So I'll be happy then not genuinely again but atleast I'm still happy for you and one day... as I grow older maybe when I reach a hundred years old... Maybe I will have my alsheimer disease (just like my grandma) I'll forget everything... Especially those painful days... but you know what the mind forgets that the heart can't.... It's the heart's favourite person... Maybe the memories fade... but the heart's most favourite person will remain forever... You'll know about it soon. I hope you could visit me before I reach a hundred years old because you're gonna be older than me then and you will lost your memory first than mine... The heart remembers what the mind forgets.... you know the best part is?.... The love... the realist... purest... truest love will never fade... It stays forever in my heart... I hope you always remember that... You're always be my love... Happy birthday to you... I'm still celebrating your birthday with a small piece of cake and some decorations here. Every year, I celebrated your birthday and also the valentine... You're my valentine for always... I didn't believe in valentine before until I met you... There's still presents that I keep here because who knows... You'll visit me one day or what if... Our cross road meet again... Can I just say hi and hug you quick? swear! I just want to you know...I've been waiting for one special day that I'll be able to see you again... You're my first and last love... I hope to whoever has the responsibility of meeting our pathways again... I'm praying to atleast give me one last chance... to see you again... I love you my sweetheart .... May you always remember that you're loved and enough for me... Please don't be sad in your birthday because I am here celebrating it now with your favourite foods. My best regards to your parents and sister. Be happy okay. I love you! Love, April