Here’s to Never Growing Up (teacherxstudent)

Chapter 9

The next morning, I arrived late to school, running into the economics classroom. After I clumsily and hastily dropped everything on my desk while huffing and puffing, the teacher laughed friendlily as he pointed at his wristwatch. I laughed back at him, hoping that he wouldn’t send me down to get a late pass from the secretary. But he did. As I walked by Mr. D’s classroom to get to the secretary, he pointed out to me, mockingly insulting me to his freshman class. I stuck a tongue out at him, and he did the same. “See, that’s why you want to grow up,” he addressed his class, “so you don’t turn out like her.”

“Says the man-child who just stuck his tongue out at one of his students.” I said loud enough for everyone in the classroom to hear as I walked away, hearing the kids laugh at their teacher. He’s the only teacher I have known that can make everyone adore him right in the first day of school.

“Good morning, Emily.” George, the secretary to the vice-principal said gaily. I greeted him back with a smile. “It’s curious how everyone arrives late to Economics.” he joked while writing my pass. I’m still amazed at how this guy can memorize every student’s schedule when I can barely handle my own.

“I wonder why…” I joked.

“I hope that was just a joke, Emily.” the vice-principal suddenly appeared behind me. I laughed nervously, nodding before walking back to class.

People whispered as I entered the room, their eyes following me to my seat. I opened the textbook and hid my face behind it. How in the world am I supposed to clear up these rumors? I don’t suppose something this big will be forgotten as easily as the usual ones.

Amongst all the other judgmental students, I noticed Angie looking round, examining their expressions. She then rapidly glanced at me. I made a silly face at her, playing the clueless suit, as always. This made her frown and she looked away. Do they know already? What am I asking, of course they do, the whole school knows. s**t. If any of them will hold a grudge against me, it’s Angie. I need to tell them today – no matter what.

So, during break-time, I walked to the usual place we hang out, clenching my fists, with Angie following behind. Once we were all there, I began, “Listen, guys… There’s something I need to –” However, I was interrupted by Danny who was called away by a girl I didn’t even remember attended our school and Jackie who decided to follow Jake around like a helpless puppy. I bit my lip and lowered my head as Angie asked me what I was about to say, to which I replied with a “Never mind.”

Throughout my next classes, I realized a common thing about each of my friends’ behaviors today. They all seemed to be acting normal, but were all obviously trying too hard, only ending up with unnatural smiles across their faces. Well, all except for Alex.

I tried going at it again in the cafeteria. I gulped and I could hear my heart beating through my pounding head, but I pressed my lips together, cracked my knuckles and opened my mouth to speak. At this time, however, Mr. D showed up beside us.

“What’s wrong in this table? Are you guys all mad at each other?” he mocked and I realized how quiet we’ve been sitting for a while. My heart raced and I didn’t even try to think of a comeback for him this time. Instead, I sat quietly as he and Angie playfully argued. I clenched my fists and looked down. I need to tell them, right? Or else I will never be able to look them in the eyes. But if I do… what if they decide to stop being my friends because of it? After all, it was everything but normal. Yet… What do I do? If I tell them, I might lose them, but if I don’t, I might also lose them. I glanced at the joking old man. I can’t think with him around.

I suddenly jolted up from my seat, kicking my chair back. All eyes instantly fell on me. “Sorry.” I started, “I just remembered something I have to do.”

I ran upstairs to clear my thoughts and lied down on the atrium couch while trying to think to myself. This day is coming to an end. I need to make a decision, and fast.

As the bell was about to ring, I heard the four of them walk towards me. Alex hurried up, asking if I was okay and Jackie dumbly asked, “What did you have to do?”

Danny stood at a corner, silent, as Angie grunted at Jackie’s question. “She probably just wanted to be alone with Mr. Cohen.” she scowled at me as I sat upright. Danny looked at me from the corner of his eyes as Jackie and Alex stared at the two of us wide-eyed.

“That’s not how it is!” I objected.

“How are we supposed to believe you if you don’t tell us what is going on? And stop acting dumb, we all know you’ve heard the rumors and that you know we’ve heard them as well!”

“I tried to tell you, I just –”

“Don’t even try to come up with excuses now, Em. It’s not worth it.”

Thankfully, for her, the bell rang as she finished her sentence and they all dispersed to their classes while I had Art class alone. Before I left, however, Alex walked up to me.

She sighed and, although she didn’t seem angry, she had on a serious expression full of disapproval – almost like that of a mother. “You should have told them the truth.” she said, increasing my guilt.

I nodded. “I really tried, but…”

“What are you scared of? Losing them? You know you’re pushing them even further away by keeping them in the dark. And you know how Angie looks up to you. She won’t forgive you that easily.”

I sighed and she left me to my thoughts. As always, I arrived late to Art class, but the teacher didn’t even notice. I tried sitting alone but Chloe, the cutest girl in our class and a model, and Rickie, the only smart and nice jock, called me over to sit next to them and the other popular girls. I gulped and sat beside them.

As the teacher finally stopped talking to himself and the wall, they started asking questions regarding the rumors, exactly as I had feared. Rickie was the first one to shoot:

“Hey, Emily, is it true that you and Mr. Cohen have a thing?” he bluntly asked.

“No way.” Chloe stepped in, defending me. I felt happy to know that at least one person still holds a bit of trust in me.

“We’re not.” I replied truthfully.

After examining my face, probably trying to detect a lie, Rickie’s eyes widened and he continued, starting to believe in me, “Really? Then nothing is going on between you two?” I shook my head. “So, if nothing happened, why don’t you fight back against those spilling the rumors?”

All eyes were on me, eagerly waiting for a reply as if they were a bunch of juries in a trial trying to decide on the extent of my innocence. I smiled softly, no longer nervous to speak to these people. After all, nothing makes them greater than me or anybody else, they’re believing in stupid rumors and spreading them without considering anyone’s feelings.

I then finally replied, “That would only attract more attention, wouldn’t it? Moreover, people probably wouldn’t believe in me even if I claimed it to be false.”

“That’s true.” one of the most popular girls confirmed, surprisingly acting nice, “They won’t really believe it until they hear the truth from one of us.”

“Well, I believe in Em.” Chloe supported me, rubbing my back. “And if more of those rumors start coming out, then Rickie here will make them drop dead, right?” They all laughed, and I sat stupefied, not believing that any of these people could ever trust me. I guess I have been criticizing these people for insulting me without even trying to speak to me when I have been doing the same all along.

After a long day of rumors and fights and not being able to confront my friends with the truth, I finally arrived home all beat only to hear my mother’s yelling for no reason. It’s the same thing every single time: she’s mad at something that happened at work or somewhere else and then takes it all on me for some mysterious reason. I wonder if she hates me so much because I’m mostly like my father, as in personality and appearance, while my brother takes after her. All we need to do to get her to start kicking and screaming is to say the word ‘dad’. She claims that he’s some huge liar who never did anything to us but hurt us. From my childhood memories, the one who always slapped me or made me cry was her, rarely my father – although it is true that he wasn’t very present.

And today, as usual, he was the reason for her enmity.

“I can’t believe this!” she yelled out with her face matching the color of a tomato. “That man never did anything to help out and now he wants to take my two children away with him for two full weeks?” she said in indignity.

I rolled my eyes, “We’re his children too, you know.” I was stupid enough to open my mouth. Even my brother gave me a glare that had ‘you shouldn’t have said that’ written all over it. Well, someone’s got to set this woman straight, and I know that momma’s boy is not the one who is going to do it.

“Oh yeah? Well, did he ever take care of you two the way I have?” Thankfully, no. I rolled my eyes at her once again, which she took as a welcoming sign for her to continue. “If he actually did care for you, then he would be here, not all the way at the other end of the world!” This made me burst in flames. Who the f**k does this woman think she is talking about? I love my father so much and I know that he loves me way more than she ever has. She only uses me to showcase around to her so called ‘friends’. It’s not his fault that he had to move away due to a job opportunity. “If he ever cared about you two, then he would have stayed! But he didn’t, did he?” she smirked as if she just knew everything about everyone. She kept feeding my flames with bullshit.

“SHUT UP!” I finally yelled out, digging my nails into the palms of my hands. “Those are all lies!” My mom stopped in silence, raising an eyebrow that expected me to continue. “Right now, Dad is the one supporting my decisions for the future, while all you two do is laugh at my ideas and insult me!”

“He can support your decisions because he knows that he is not the one who will have to pay for them. And you know how he’s always controlling people’s minds, manipulating them to like him so much when he’s just f*****g up behind their backs.”

“None of that is true! You know, all I hear is you insulting him for being such a bad guy, but I don’t see you doing one hell of a parenting job either!”

“I listen to you and I try to help you with everything: college, jobs, everything! But how do you expect me to help if you don’t even speak to me?!”

I laughed out in indignity. “That is such a lie! I don’t speak because you don’t listen! Every time I try to talk to you about my future, all you do is ignore me and think of what you think I should do with my future! You’re not trying to help me, you’re only trying to help yourself!”

As I couldn’t listen to her anymore, I stormed up to my room, not caring about whether or not she was yelling at me to go back downstairs so she could speak to me. I’m already too old for her to hit me anymore, and if she does, she’s only going to f**k things up for herself.

I screamed into my pillow. Is all that that woman can do lie? About the divorce, about what really happened to our first dog, making stupid promises that she never has nor ever will keep, lying about the big and small things, and lying about how she cares for me. Can adults do anything else besides lie?

I rolled on my bed and my eyes widened, replaying Alex’s words in my mind. She’s right… All I’m doing is pushing my friends away by keeping this huge secret from them. If they are truly my friends, then they’ll accept me no matter what type of people I get involved with, but I need to be honest with them too. I have faith in them.

That’s it! I sat up and pumped my fists. I’m not turning into one of those stupid, lying adults. Mr. D has never lied to us and he hardly knows us. He has even told us some of his darkest memories just because we asked. If being honest is going to keep me from turning into one of those despicable beings, then I’ll do it.

Tomorrow, I will tell them the truth for sure! No matter what, and I mean it this time.