Here’s to Never Growing Up (teacherxstudent)

Chapter 10

Arriving late to school, again, I ran to the secretary who greeted me as cheerfully as always before entering Mr. Damon’s classroom. As I handed the late pass to him, I noticed my friends weren’t sitting in their usual seats in the back row. Instead, they all sat separately with filled seats besides each of them, probably so I couldn’t sit next to them. Hence, I was forced to sit in the back by myself. Occasionally, however, Alex would look back at me apologetically and I knew this was all my fault and not only about the rumors anymore. My eyes wandered to each one of them and they were all obviously mad at me, especially Angie as I had expected. Danny, however seemed hurt rather than mad as he always does when I don’t tell him something. As for Jackie, I can’t really tell if she’s actually mad or just going along with the others.

I sighed and looked back at Mr. D who’d already been examining the five of us and had, with no doubt, noticed the difference in our behaviors. Nervously, I looked down and scratched my temple.

“You’re going to tell them, right?” Alex asked as everyone dispersed from the classroom.

“Yeah. I just need you to hold them all together in the picnic tables during lunch, okay? Away from anyone else.” I instructed.

“I’ll try my best,” she understood “though they’re likely to run as soon as you show up.” I nodded. “Oh, and Em.” Alex continued as I was about to leave the classroom. “Good luck with Angie.” she warned.

“You’ve noticed too, huh.” I sighed and Alex nodded. Then, we both went back to our separate classrooms. Unable to focus, I ended up spacing out, holding onto my stomach full of butterflies and continuously looking from Angie to the window and back.

“Emily.” I jumped up at the sound of my name. I glared at the teacher, although he continued, ignoring my expression, “Can you show me what you’ve done so far?” Mr. Cohen demanded, noticing my distraction and probably mad that I had stood him up yesterday after school.

“There’s no need for that.” Everyone’s eyes widened and locked on me as I challenged the teacher, losing my patience for him. “I’m already done with the project.”

“Good, then show it to me and I’ll help you review.” he insisted. Everyone’s heads turned, glancing from one to the other as if they were watching a ping-pong match. Is he an i***t? Is he trying to provoke the rumors?

“I’d rather not.” I repeated the words from the first day he came back. This made him lose his temper.

In the midst of some cooing, I heard someone joke “Are they gonna break up in front of everyone?” Now, this was what made me lose my temper.

I stood up in rage. “Would you just stop with those jokes?” I glanced at the person before facing the whole class. “There is nothing going on between me and that old man! Nothing!” I pointed at him. “I don’t know how these rumors started nor why all of you insist on believing in them, but even if I’m not one of the prettiest girls in our grade, I think I can still find someone closer to our age. And I would never settle for an i***t like him!”

“I’m not that old.” he objected, protecting himself, as if this situation was a joke. Although, I could tell that, deep inside, he was bursting in flames of wrath.

“And who the hell are you guys to judge people like that?” Some of them actually lowered their heads as others stared wide-eyed at the shy girl yelling at them. “You see a tiny sign or hear some stupid whisper and automatically make dumb assumptions and spread rumors without thinking that your actions could bring tragic consequences to others. Look at me, I can’t even walk down these halls without at least a hundred eyes fixed on me and people dissing me without even knowing the truth; and what about Mr. Cohen, huh? Have you thought that if your dumb rumors reach the principal’s ears, he might lose his job… or worse?” More of them gulped and lowered their heads, starting to feel guilty and believing in me. “Don’t just assume things about others without knowing the truth or without even asking for the truth. It’s this kind of behavior that can ruin lives, and it’s these types of actions that make the worst kinds of people.” I looked around, having finished my speech. Everyone fell silent and I sat back down, starting to feel the wave of embarrassment and the blood rising to my face.

After this, some of my classmates apologized and Mr. Cohen smiled, seeming proud of what I had done, as so did Chloe, knowing that this would ease the rumors. On the other hand, Angie was still glaring at me, not seeming too convinced as she knew I was not telling the entire truth. As the bell rang soon after, I realized that I had gotten too carried away in my lecture. Four of my classmates, including Clara and Chloe, walked towards me and patted my back before leaving, reassuring me as I now could see hope to going back to my normal high school life – well, as normal as it gets, I mean. However, Doug and his three minions still sniggered away while leaving the room, but being the lost causes they were, I didn’t really give them much importance.

When I turned back around, however, Angie was no longer in the room and I sighed, wondering if we will ever go back to normal. I just really hope she will listen to me during lunch.

“Emily.” I heard Mr. Cohen call out to me once I was the only one left in the classroom.

“I can’t be seen with you now.” I answered, starting to walk away.

He grabbed my wrist, stopping me. “What you said back there was really great.” he smiled. “I guess it must have surprised them quite a lot to have you yell at them.” he laughed out.

“What are you so happy about, you i***t?” the smile on his face infuriated me. “This doesn’t change anything between us. You’re still the same jerk who used me.” I glared at him and felt his grip tightening at my last words.

“Didn’t you just tell those kids not to jump to conclusions without even asking for the truth?” he accused me with my own words.

“As I recall, you made the truth pretty heartbreakingly-clear a few years ago. Therefore, I am not making assumptions without knowing the truth.” I corrected him. “And what the hell is your problem, coming back here and chasing me around like this. Can’t you just get some other w***e to play with until you get bored and decide to dump her too?”

His eyes narrowed and he clenched his teeth, twisting his chin. “Goddamn it, Emily!” he erupted, banging his hand on the nearest wall. “What kind of person do you think I am?!” This was the first time he stood up against me ever since his return. “I know it’s my fault to have made you think of me this way, but I thought you’d have a little bit more faith in me – or in yourself!”

I laughed out forcefully, “Oh, I’m sorry. Should I learn to trust the man who –”

“Did it ever occur to you that I was lying to protect you? Do you really have that much lack of self-esteem to think that someone could just use you like that without having any type of feelings towards you?”

“You know that I don’t have much of a self-esteem, and you know why! Just stop!” My eyes were already watering and my voice trembled. I was losing my strength to fight back. “How can you just expect me to forgive your lying jerk of an ass now just because you claim to have lied about faking your feelings? I trusted you, I gave you everything and you still –”

He cut me short, slamming his hand on the wall once again and trapping me against it. “Do you know how much I’ve been trying to tolerate you this past month? You keep calling me a ‘jerk’, ‘i***t’, and throwing other insults at me while I have done nothing but endure it. Even now, I’m trying to help you with your assignment, yet you just keep on dissing me and glaring and scowling while all I’m trying to do is earn your trust back. Why do you think I keep doing these things for you? Every time you get mad at me, I just keep wondering if there is anything I could possibly do to make you listen to me.” he finally lost his temper and confronted me.

I did my best to block his words and fought back, giving up on controlling the tears that were now rolling down my cheeks, “You speak as if you’re the victim here. Did you really think it was all flowers and rainbows while you were gone?” I yelled back at him, infuriated at his words. “I spent one year, one full year, trying to forget everything that ever happened between us! My entire self-esteem was gone, and I never let myself trust anyone else like that again. So, who do you think you are, dropping a bomb like that right before you disappear and then coming back, expecting me to forgive you so easily?” I shoved him away as my eyes watering. “I never asked for your stupid help anyways!”

“Em, at least let me explain –”

“Goodbye Mr. Cohen.” I interjected, incapable of listening to anymore of his crap.

I grabbed my things once again and ran out of the classroom, reading all the messages that had been making my phone vibrate for so long. It was Alex. “Emily, where are you? I can’t hold them here much longer. Please hurry!” I ran as fast as I could until I finally arrived at the planned location, huffing, and puffing my lungs out.

“What is she doing here?” was Angie’s greeting. “You’re on her side, tricking us just so she can lie to us again?” she accused Alex, turning to her.

“Don’t turn against her. I’m the one you’re mad at.” I stopped Angie from saying anything she would regret. “Please…” I breathed deeply one last time, “Please, let me explain everything.”

“You lied to us!” she yelled. “When we first asked what happened between you and Mr. Cohen, you lied, didn’t you?!” she seemed irate, angrier than I have ever seen her before. I looked down and gulped, nodding slowly in repent. “So how can you expect us to listen to you now? Why didn’t you just tell us the truth when we asked? We gave you a shot and you blew it!” she didn’t give me time to answer. “Aren’t we friends?” With eyes filled with rage and pain, Angie glared as if she was looking down at me despite our height difference.

Before she could say anything else, I yelled back, “That’s exactly why! I was afraid of losing my only friends. That’s why I didn’t tell you guys the truth, but now I really do regret it!” I tried to get her to listen. She was the only one fighting back: Danny and Jackie sat, waiting.

“Afraid to lose us?” she repeated indignantly. “You just made it worst!”

“I know. I realize that now,” I looked at Alex, thanking her with a glance for making me understand this, “and I can’t even express how sorry I am.” Angie fell silent for a while, and I took this as an opportunity. “Please, all I ask is for you to listen and to keep this between us, and I will tell you the entire truth.”

Angie scowled once more. She was clearly still angry, but she obviously also wanted to hear the truth. Hence, she sat on one of the tables next to Jackie and Danny, giving me this opportunity. I sighed before starting.

And thus, I told them the whole story, beginning from three years ago. I explained to them how I was fooled and how the rumors are false but still unknowingly hold some truth. I spoke slowly and stuttered, embarrassed of the reality and scared of what they might think of me now, but I told them the truth and nothing but the truth, trying my best to clear my name from Angie’s blacklist.

“Woah.” Jackie exclaimed as I finished speaking. “You two actually had that kind of relationship…” She seemed too surprised to say anything else, and I actually found her reaction amusing. It was nothing as I had expected.

“How come we never even suspected anything during that whole time?” Danny remarked, accusing them all to have been clueless after continuously calling me innocent during all this time. I chuckled at his amazement. As I thought, I should have trusted them all along. Angie, however, still hadn’t uttered a word and I feared for her reaction the most.

“I guess clueless and innocent Em is not as innocent as we thought.” Jackie joked and Danny cheered along. “Tell me, did you two ever do… it?” I blushed immensely, giving them the answer they wanted as they laughed in awe.

“Cut it out, you two.” Alex stopped them. “It’s not funny. She was tricked and hurt.” The other two lowered their heads and sat back down quietly after being scolded like two little children.

“It’s fine.” I reassured her. “It’s about time I accept the truth and face it. Laughing about it actually helps.” The three of them smiled at me and I was finally able to do so as well.

“What with you guys?” Angie finally spoke out. I gulped. “How can you just forgive her so easily after she lied to us all? She didn’t trust us, how are we supposed to trust her?”

“If I had a secret that big, I would also be afraid of telling you guys.” Danny backed me up. “You would too.”

“No. I tell you guys everything.” Angie asserted.

“You obviously don’t.” Jackie raised her voice. “Then what have you told Clara about you and Parker that you can’t tell us, huh?” This made Angie’s eyes widen. We all knew about this, but I guess none of us really had the guts to say anything but Jackie.

“Th…that’s completely different!” Through her changing tone and agitation, we could all tell that she was losing control of the situation.

“Really? ‘Cause I don’t see how.” Jackie continued and I just wished for everyone to stop fighting. “It’s a secret and it’s about a boy, isn’t it? It’s true that Em’s situation is a bit graver due to Mr. Cohen’s position, but it’s still basically the same thing. We all know that something is going on between you and Parker, so I don’t really see how this is much different from Em’s situation. The only difference is that you don’t have a million people judging you and questioning your relationship, making you a school celebrity.” As Angie fell silent, Jackie continued, “So I don’t understand how you could be so mad at Em for this when you are doing the exact same thing! And I really don’t understand how you could trust Clara more than any of us.” she genuinely sounded hurt.

“It’s okay, Jackie. She’ll tell us when she’s ready.” I tried to stop their quarrel.

Angie looked around, troubled, knowing that she was caught in a mousetrap. She then frowned before clicking her tongue and walking away.

“Oh, look at her go! How much do you bet she’s going to meet up with Clara and tell her the whole story?” Jackie said, loud enough for Angie to hear everything before I shushed her.

I then fell backwards onto a picnic table, pressing my face into my hands. “Jeez… Why are women so complicated?”

“You’re one of us, you know.” Alex responded, sighing at the whole situation.

“Although sometimes you don’t act like it.” Jackie added, mocking me. I stuck my tongue out at her.

Well, at least these three forgave me. Angie… I’ll let her go for now, but I can’t just leave things as they are. But s**t, if she tells Clara about Andrew and me, I am done for. Once Clara knows something, the whole school ends up knowing too.

As I had done yesterday, I avoided Mr. Cohen at all costs after the last school bell, while laughing once again with my friends as they left one by one. Despite his usual persistence, this time I didn’t need to try much to avoid him and with him out of sight, I had completely forgotten that I was supposed to be keeping a low profile. After a while, I actually started being wary about his disappearance.

I hated myself for worrying, but maybe all it meant was his surrender. Maybe he finally realized he could not trick me again. And just maybe the heartless monster understood how much he hurt me.

However, despite my hopes of freedom and peace, once only Alex and I were left, I felt a hand on my shoulder. Assuming it was Cohen, I turned around brusquely, shoving his hand off me. That was when I saw it wasn’t him. My eyes widened and I apologized frantically, “Sorry, Mr.! I swear I thought you were someone else!”

“Mr. who? I’m sorry, I can’t tell if you’re speaking to me or Mr. Church over there.” Mr. D joked before his serious expression returned. What’s with him? It’s not like him to act so grievous. He probably found out, huh.

“Sorry, Alex, may I steal Emily for a while?” he asked as Alex nodded. Alex is the only student I’ve seen him address so formally; I guess it’s because she acts so much like an adult, and he is clearly mentally just a kid.

“How come my permission wasn’t asked for?” I objected, joking with the old clown.

“Because you have no choice.” he raised an eyebrow. “Follow me.”

And so I did. I waddled behind him to his room reluctantly, afraid of what he might say or ask regarding Cohen. I slowly stepped into the classroom and, as I looked up, I noticed Cohen was already standing there and he too looked surprised to see me.