GEAR GODS SERIES: DRIFTING BACK TO YOU

Kabanata 15

Sovereign

Sa sobrang gutom ko ay halos hindi ko na namalayang pinanonood lamang pala ako ni Coach Race na lantakan ang masasarap na pagkaing in-order niya.

My kids were left in my neighbor's care after he gave me some money for their needs. Sabi niya ay dadalhin niya ako kay Raven pagkatapos naming kumain at mag-usap. I don't know much about him, but I have a feeling that I can trust him.

Napaangat ako ng tingin. Doon ko napansing hindi niya ginagalaw ang pagkain niya. He's just staring at me with a faraway look in his eyes as if he remembered something. Tinamaan naman ako ng hiya kaya napaayos ng upo at ibinaba ang kubyertos.

"Sorry po. Kagabi pa kasi ako walang kain. Pasensya na," nag-aalangan kong pag-amin.

Coach Race inhaled a sharp breath before he rested his elbows on the table. "No need to apologize, Sovereign. I've been in your shoes. I know what it's like to not know when your next meal is gonna be, but don't worry. I promise you that this won't be the last time you'll get your stomach full."

Napatitig ako sa kanya. "Mukhang . . . hindi naman ho kayo mahirap."

"I was, until someone took a chance on me. Now, I'm about to pay that goodness forward by making sure I'll give you a better life." His gaze became serious. "You can earn by doing what you love."

I sighed. "Hindi ko ho sigurado kung saan ninyo nalaman ang tungkol sa pangangarera ko pero baka ho mapahiya lang kayo kung kukunin ninyo ako—"

"Raven invited me to watch one of your illegal races before. I've seen you get behind the wheels. I need you in my team. You can't waste your talent and skills in illegal competitions when there are huge racing events out there waiting for you," seryoso niyang sabi.

Napakurap ako. "Pero wala ho akong formal training. Si Raven lang ang nagturo sa akin."

I swear I saw him smirked. "That's why I am here. I'm gonna teach you everything you still don't know yet." He let out a breath. "This is your chance to change your life. If you can't do it for yourself, then do it for your kids."

Sandali akong nanahimik bago ko pinakawalan ang hangin sa dibdib ko. "Magkano ho ba ang . . . offer kung sakali?"

He leaned on his seat and grabbed his glass of whiskey. "Ten million on your first two-year contract with a monthly pay of three hundred fifty thousand on top of the agreed amount. Of course, that will increase especially if you'll perform well. The company will also give you a free villa inside the Caballero compound, and a car of your choice." He clicked his tongue. "I'll make sure we'll add a nanny on the agreement."

Halos lumuwa yata ang mga mata ko. "P-Po?"

He stared at me. "You heard me right."

Nadampot ko ang baso ng wine at halos tunggain iyon. With that amount of money, my kids will never be hungry again.

I rubbed my palm on my face. Kaya ko ba 'to? Paano kung magsisi sila dahil hindi naman ako magaling?

"Sovereign," tawag ni Coach Race.

I turned my gaze on him. Umayos naman siya ng upo habang tila binabasa ang isip ko.

"Don't miss the chance to give your kids a good life. It's not just about living a comfortable life. It's about showing them where passion and talent can bring you."

Nilunok ko ang bara sa aking lalamunan. This is for Sofie and Sovie. Kailangan kong matutunang labanan ang mga negatibong bagay na ibinubulong ng isip ko. I have to start believing in myself again. Dahil kung hindi, paano ang mga anak ko?

Treese's voice echoed in my head. Narinig ko ang mga masasakit na salitang sinabi niya kaya niya ako iniwan. She thinks I will never give them a good life. She thinks I am not capable of achieving great things.

Kumuyom ang mga kamao ko. I'm going to prove her wrong. Ipakikita kong may mararating ako. I'm going to make sure that once we meet again someday, may maipagmamalaki na ako.

My expression became cold as Treese's words continued to echo inside my head.

"Pumapayag ho ako."

"Good." He inhaled a sharp breath. "Continue your meal. We'll visit Raven after."

Muli kong dinampot ang kubyertos. "Saan ho siya nakatira ngayon? Did he really move out?"

"Nah." Napansin ko ang paglunok ni Coach matapos niyang ibaling sa kanyang baso ang kanyang tingin. "He's . . . locked up right now on a rehab center."

Nalaglag ang hawak kong tinidor. "R-Rehab? Nag-drugs siya?"

"Oh, no." He shook his head before he let out a heavy breath. "He's . . . going through tough times due to his mental health."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Pero mayaman ho si Raven at wala naman siyang nakikwentong problemang malala."

Naging malamlam ang mga mata ni Coach Race. "He probably didn't tell you anything because he knew you're going through a lot already. That kid may be a pain in the ass but he never wanted to be a burden to anyone so he . . . probably bottled it all up until he finally snapped."

Bigla akong tinamaan ng hiya. What if Raven was already having a hard time before when I was venting out to him? Paano kung nakadagdag pala ako sa bigat na dinadala niya? Paano kung may pagkakataong gusto niya ng kausap pero hindi niya na lang sinabi sa akin ang problema niya dahil iniisip niyang problemado rin ako?

I sighed. Pakiramdam ko ang sama kong kaibigan.

Nawalan ako ng ganang ubusin ang pagkain ko dahil sa naging pagbigat ng dibdib ko. Coach settled our bill and then asked me to leave the resto with him. Sumakay kami sa mamahalin niyang sports car. Siguro kung hindi lang masama ang loob ko ay na-appreciate ko ang interior ng kotse, kaya lang ang masyadong naokupa ng sitwasyon ni Raven ang isipan ko.

"Dra. Kim is Raven's therapist. Tuwing natatapos ang training kapag araw ng Byernes ay umuuwi siya ng Maynila para sa therapy niya, but something happened a few months ago. Raven snapped during a session so his doctor called me," kuwento ni Coach habang nasa byahe kami patungo ng SBMA kung nasaan ang rehab center. "Turns out, Raven put me as his immediate contact person in case something will happen to him."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "But what about Liam and his mom? Alam ho ba nila ang nangyari?"

"No. Raven doesn't want anyone to know about what happened to him . . . including you, but Dra. Kim said it's best if you'll know so you can talk to him. He's not gonna respond but at least try to talk to him. Maybe your voice will pull him out, make him go back to his old self."

Lalong nagsalubong ang aking noo. "B-Bakit ho? Ano ho ba ang lagay niya ngayon?"

Coach glanced at me with sadness in his eyes. "He . . . dissociated, Sovereign."

Hindi ko na nagawa pang kumibo. My chest hurt as I think of Raven's current condition. Lalong sumama ang loob ko sa sarili ko. Why didn't I pay attention to him? Bakit hinayaan kong sarili kong problema lang ang intindihin ko?

Ang bigat-bigat ng dibdib ko. Ni hindi na ako nakapagsalita hanggang sa narating namin ang kwarto ni Raven. He's sitting on his bed staring at nowhere. Wala sa sarili at tila hindi alam kung ano ba ang nangyayari sa paligid niya.

I inhaled a sharp breath before I took my steps towards the side of his bed. Iniwan ako ni Coach nang mabigyan kami ng panahon kahit na alam niyang ako lamang ang magsasalita sa amin ni Raven.

"Bro." I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. "N-Nasabi ni Coach na siya ang nagpatigil sa illegal race na sinasalihan natin." I faked a smile while my tears began to cloud my eyes. "Hindi ka raw kasi namimirmi sa compound. Tigas naman kasi ng ulo mo."

I forced a laughter as I held his arm to give it a gentle squeeze. Ngunit nang hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko ay tuluyang dumaloy ang aking mga luha.

"Anong nangyari, bro? Bakit hindi ka nagkwento? Kahit naman amy problema ako, makikinig ako sa'yo. Tropa tayo, Raven. Para na tayong magkapatid. You always had my back no matter what, but why didn't you let me have yours?"

Suminghot ako at sandaling nagpunas ng luha.

"Dahil sa'yo kaya may pag-asa na akong mabago ang buhay namin ng mga anak ko. Hanggang sa huli, nandiyan ka pa rin para sa'kin kaya ang sakit makitang nagkakaganito ka ngayon."

My tears fell as I stared at Raven who's not responding to anything I am saying.

"Salamat, Raven. Salamat sa lahat. Huwag kang mag-alala. Gagalingan ko nang hindi ka mapahiya sa pagrekumenda sa'kin. Araw-araw rin kitang dadalawin. Hindi kita susukuan, Raven. Alam kong babalik ka rin sa dati. Makakasama ulit kitang mangarera. Maririnig ko ulit lahat ng mura mo at makikita ulit kitang masaya tuwing nasa likod ng manibela. Buhay mo na ang pangangarera, kaya habang ganito pa ang sitwasyon mo, pinapangako ko sa'yo na kakarera ako para sa atin. Para sa pangarap nating dalawa."

I stood up and hugged him even when I knew he wouldn't hug me back.

"Laban pa, bro. Hindi tayo pwedeng pasukuin ng mundo." I shut my eyes and patted his back. "Hinding-hindi tayo mapapasuko ng mundo . . ."