Righting the Sins of My Past

I have always lived in the shadows of everyone else, my husband, my family and most importantly myself. There was never a moment in my life that I thought I was capable of receiving or being in love. Joy and happiness were just two words used to describe everyone else's life.  My childhood was blissfully blanked out by years of emotional and at times physical abuse. The snippets that I do remember are painfully always the worst moments overshadowing any sign of happiness I thought I possibly had. Reminiscing on my past was my biggest shortfall and as suddenly as I had spaced out Layla snapped her fingers in my face. "Lexi, earth to Lexi". Eventually the smog of my past was clear and there I was, sitting in the best Pizza shop in my town, Toni's. Our pizza had arrived, it smelt diviine and I could feel my mouth watering at just the thought of taking a  huge cheesy bite. I apologise to my beautiful friend for my absence , we smile and start digging in to this amazing, wear your big girl panties pizza.  Layla plays a momentous part in my life, as beautiful as she is on the outside she is on the inside. Her charisma and self confidence is nothing short of amazing and what most women strive to be eventually. She acquired massive amounts of wealth in her life, not from her own hard work initially but from her father. Layla took over the family business when he passed away 3 years ago from a heart attack, the role she had to play now had made her even stronger and I knew without a doubt in my mind she would make a huge success of it and hold her family name high and proud.  Layla has always been grounded and never wanted for anything in her life. She was her dads Blue eyed girl and I had loved him just as much as Layla did I. He was always kind to me and treated me like his own daughter. Layla had no other siblings and I had spent most of my childhood with them. Never in all our years of friendship has she made me feel like I wasn't worthy. Layla has proven to be a soundboard of solid advice and loyalty through all the years. Granted we had good times and bad times, but we always managed to find a way to reconcile. She is my confidant in every aspect of my life, irrelevant of the happiest or saddest times, I know that she will always be my right hand maiden. This is the reason why we are eating pizza today. I needed her to soundboard me, and let me know if I was still in fact sane or slowly becoming insane. Perhaps an introduction of who I am will give a better perspective. I live in beautiful South Africa, a country so diverse and full of colour it makes me proud to call it home. I live my life within the compounds of my cottage.The suburb is quiet with beautiful mansions surrounding me. There are walk paths on every street, treating all the occupants to a safe place to walk and admire the trees. My house, is a stone brick cottage, with beautiful large windows and trees that hang over practically every inch of the tin roof. The balcony is long and wide, with big white couches that radiate off the burgundy floor, it makes for the perfect setting of rest and relaxation after a long day. To be honest not the average house in the neighbourhood, but to me it is home and this is where I feel my most comfortable.