m o t h e r o f s e v e n | k.n + r.r

It's been four months and my literary agent has yet to call for the final results. Did the editor’s reject my story plot again? If so, I’m not surprised. The morning sun rising from its slumber deciding to peak through my window blinds and alarm that an another has started. I pulled an all-nighter again adding the finishing touches to my outline to what my next novel would convey. My hair filled with dandruff, my face so oily, my body producing absolute stench and black bags forming around my eyes. ‘Be an author they said, it’ll be fun’. Fuck that. My eyes were so focused on the computer screen that I didn’t notice the sun blazing through my window. I turned my head to the window next to me and groaned in frustration knowing by fact that I have to go through the same s**t again. “I’m hungry”, I walked to my kitchen, opened the fridge to see nothing but protein drinks, water, soda, my leftover burrito that I haven’t finished four- “Ooh burrito,” I grabbed my leftover burrito and brought it in to the microwave. Really? After the microwave hits it last second, I attempt to slowly bring the meaty juices to my mouth. Oh the meat so good, along with the crunchiness from the lettuce and the creamy texture from the cheese. Nothing beats a good burrito. Standing amidst my apartment, I feel the chills crawling from the palms of my feet to my arms while I watch unfamiliar figures walk by my window. It’s always the same, I pull an all-nighter to finish my outline, eat leftover meals, rush to the bathroom to blow up the waste from my body and back to writing. If I’ve a day off, I would head to the library and borrow books to read for entertainment or read books to collect ideas for my novel. “Oh right. Map of the Soul: Persona has finally been released, I should head to the bookstore today,” With that tone of excitement in my voice I finally decided to wash the stench that’s been on my skin for days! I stripped the clothes off my body, turned on the shower and let myself soak in the lava hot shower. I let a sigh of relief escape my thin lips. It’s that feeling that every women can understand, the feeling of warmth embracing your stiff body and massaging it until it softens. Overall relieves my stress. After fifteen minutes of enjoying the warmth soaking into my skin, I went up to my closet to collect the proper attire for the day. From my closet I pulled out to what I made contact first. My Levi’s T-shirt, and skinny jeans. The combination of the day. Also to add my shopper bag to complete the outfit. Preparing myself for departure, I locked the door behind me and immediately walk ten minutes to the book store. The clean fragrance roaming in the air, the sound of people talking continuously and the feeling of my feet pressed upon the concrete ground. It’s all the same, life is always the same. That’s why I go to bookstores, if you’re a reader you would understand the feeling when the book was opened for you. Once opened, your soul transfers inside the book taking you to an another world. What’s more exciting is that you get to go on an adventure together with the protagonist and his friends until the end. In between, you get to feel emotions from the character. Instead of one’s looks, you get to learn who they really are. That’s why I find books fascinating. Even if the book is reviewed as bad or good, it’s still a fact that it takes you to a different world enabling you to experience what cannot be touched. That’s why I became an author so I can give the readers my experience. “Crap...” Take note, it’s better to prepare early so you can become the first to achieve your goal without obstacle. And what did I get to see? "Ten minutes until they put the book on stock, I’m so excited!” "You heard that BTS used that book as a reference in their new album? I am so excited to make theories!" "I wonder how much it was?" A line that reaches from the entrance to the corner of the street. I groaned and walked myself to the very end of the line. As I attempt to stand in line to wait devastating hours, my phone finally vibrates to grab my attention. I scooped my phone and answered the call with somehow anxiety in my manner. “Jinyoung? What’s the results? D-did they accept the plot?” I said in a trembling tone. Waiting for my friend to spark the light, after a second or two he speaks but with a concerning voice. "It’s not working Sarang..." “What do you mean? Did I get rejected again?” "Unfortunately Sarang, yes. They rejected it again." “I see. I’m not surprised. But don’t worry because I already have an idea for the next novel.” "Are you sure about it? This is the fifth book the editors rejected." “It’s okay, failure makes a new beginning. I am not giving up yet. I will write an another and another until they finally accept it. I just need time.” "It’s good that you’re motivated, but don’t push yourself too hard, otherwise you’ll get sick. Where are you right now? The usual place?" “At the bookstore, Map of the Soul: Persona just got released and I’m buying it, but unluckily I have to wait an hour to reach inside the store. I doubt they’ll have anything left for me to buy.” I tiptoed myself, lift my chin upwards to check the slightest of moving. Fortunately the line is moving but what’s more worrisome is whether or not the clerks would have enough books in stock for me to buy. "Today is my day off, I’ll be there around 30.” “I’ll buy you a hard-copy once I’m in.” I offered, Jinyoung rejects. "Don’t use your money for me Sarang. You know I’m rich too right? ” I ended the call and jumped in excitement to the fact that I’m finally inside the bookstore with money ready to spend. Customers roaming around the store with books in their arms and clerks dashing to stock the books in place while I, on the other hand, slip through gaps of shoulders to reach my goal. As soon as I reach my hand out to the hard-copy, a soft and vast palm was set before me. “Oh excuse me.” “My deepest apologies oh... Sarang? Is that you?” Chills were sent to my spine, I follow the hand and led my eyes to make contact with a familiar face. “Namjoon?!” His ash brown hair, flawless skin, dazzling eyes, deadly dimples, and alluring smile, I was about to jump on my prey. Luckily I didn’t. Ever since I left my old home, I’ve decided to never make contact with anyone I’m close to, especially Namjoon. Now that he’s in front of me it felt awkward to look him in the eyes. I wanted to greet him properly, but instead of going smoothly, I was led to stutter my words, “N-Namjoon, n-nice to see you... Again.” I let my head down to only let my voice do the handling without making eye contact. Namjoon spoke back in a friendly manner, “How long has it been? Two years? I was wondering what you’ve been doing without contacting me, I was worried.” “Thank you, I really appreciate it. But it’s nothing, I was just doing what I love that’s all. Reading, and reading, and reading...And reading. Basically reading.” “Oh yeah, I forgot that you were a book nerd since middle school. Well I am one too because coming here buying the new release proves it haha.” Surrounded by a crowd of customers, what can be easily heard was the sound of chatters filling the air, but from my perspective, it was faint because of him. Because of him, the only thing that I can hear is his voice while the background’s muffled and faint. His voice was alluring enough to melt my heart. Not only his voice, but his kind and wise personality. The reason was obvious. I like him. And he never noticed it. “Sarang? Are you alright? Are you feeling sick?” Faintly calling out my name, I was able to snap myself out of my fantasies. I shook my head and chuckled. “I’m sorry, you can have the book. You touched it first.” I offered and immediately the book was placed upon my palms. “No you can have it. You were excited to buy this book, and I didn’t want to ruin that excitement. I can always buy mines online.” “Oh, thank you Namjoon. You’re very kind.” “Hey, that’s what best friends are for. You still have my contact number?” He asked as he pulls out his smartphone. I stared at his smartphone and responded, “I kind of broke my old phone, so I bought a new one.” He timidly asks again, “Oh I see, umm... May we exchange numbers and email? Of course if you’re okay with it. I just thought that maybe we can get back together as best friends like back in middle school.” Best friends. He still considers me as his best friend. I don’t mind at all, but hearing him say it just hurts my heart. Well adding him to my contacts won’t hurt. Without giving myself a chance to think, my heart immediately answers, “Sure, why not?” You i***t! Namjoon smiles to my words and takes my phone from my fingers to his. As he inserts his phone number into my contact book, I took the time to appreciate his unique features without him noticing. Ever since middle school, whenever I’m alone reading books with Namjoon, without him noticing I would let myself melt by his features. And that remains unchanged. For years, I’ve been holding onto these feelings. But the more I keep these sweet feelings inside me, they’ll eventually break apart. I didn’t, no... I couldn’t confess to him because of his personality. He’s too kind and generous, I don’t know if he has feelings for me or not, that’s why I decided to keep it sheltered. “That’ll be 22,370 won. Thank you for your purchase. Please come again soon.” Finally I was able to purchase the new release. Before attempting to wait for my friends arrival, Namjoon was following from behind. “Sarang, would you like me to drop you off home? My car’s just up ahead.” “Oh no, it’s fine. My friend’s coming to pick me up, thank you though. By the way, something about you caught my attention.” “What is it?” “Your attire. Are you working somewhere?” Before he answers, he gave out a slight chuckle, “Oh you must’ve forgotten. Just last year, I got my Masters degree and became a Professor of Literature.” “That’s amazing. Good for you, your dream has finally came to life. Well, I must be going, my friend’s coming to pick me up.” “Oh I see. Hope we can hang out more often, if we have time though, since you’re reading as usual while I’m doing my job as a Professor. I’ll text you tonight.” Namjoon took off with a warm smile and walked to his car, while I watch his back slowly shrink into the distance. He turns around one last time and yelled, “By the way, I like your attire, especially your converse!” I blushed to his sudden call and smiled as I wave my farewells to him. “Sorry Sarang, the traffic was crazy. Did I make you wait long?” Jinyoung arrived with his car in front of me. He pulls down the window and called me out of my space. “Ah, no. I bought the book, but this is the last one. Sorry I couldn’t buy you one.” I apologized as I slip my body into the front seat, “Don’t be, I’ll just buy it online. By the way, who’s the guy?” “Oh you know the one I’ve always told you about?” I added adjusting myself to the seat. “Oh that guy with the big titties and jiggly ass?” “Yah! I didn’t say that! You only say that because you’re attracted to him!” I fumed slapping my hand against his arm. “But he does have those big titties and big ass...Still doesn’t pass my standards though.” “Your boyfriend will kill you if you’re flirting with someone other than him.” “Don’t worry I’m into big d***s, I’m not going to steal your man unless he does have a bigger d**k than Jackson.” Jinyoung jokes while we drives down the path to the destination. Minutes went by and Jinyoung finally breaks the silence the moment we arrived in front of Starbucks. “You haven’t confessed your feelings to him?” He opens the door for me and I walked pass with him, “Please Jinyoung not now. Right now I want to focus on the book. ” “Well if you prefer Namjoon dating a woman of plastic surgery then that’s fine.” I cringed, “Namjoon isn’t that kind of person. He’s too kind and wise to hang out with a woman like that. I’ll take Americano.” Standing with Jinyoung before the cash register, he paid with his credit and immediately received our order in a minute. When we finally sat ourselves down beside the window, Jinyoung continues to talk. “So about the next outline, may I see?” Jinyoung said reaching out his hand. “Sure, I was thinking about writing a romance novel about a girl who suddenly traveled back in time to the Goryeo Dynasty and fell in love with the prince.” “A time-traveling romance huh? Let me see...” His eyes instantly went serious as he scans my outline. Everytime I offer him my outline, my stomach tends to roll in an endless rollercoaster. I was that nervous because having your agent review your outline was that serious. He finishes and I let out a sigh of relief, “W-what do you think? Will it work this time?” Jinyoung also let’s out a sigh and looks into my eyes. I was expecting him to say the usual ′It’s good’ but right now is different, and it’s scaring me. “Look Sarang, you are a hardworking girl, and I love you for that. I know this seems late, but in every romance novel you’ve sent, there’s one thing that I’ve noticed.” “What?” He replied, “The romance wasn’t that convincable. Like, there is no emotion of love in the story.” “A-and you’re telling me this now? Why didn’t you tell me in the beginning?” Anger were beginning to cloud my eyes. I tried with all my might to hold it in not to embarrass myself. “I’m sorry but I didn’t want to hurt your passion. You were so passionate in writing your novels, if I were to crush-” “Jinyoung, your job as a literary agent is to strictly review my novel. The reason why I became an Author is because it’s my dream. And that doesn’t mean I’m unaware of the rules of publishing. The moment I became an Author, I was ready for anything...” With a sad smile, “I’m sorry. But I didn’t mean that your novel is bad bad. What I mean was that, of course your plot’s amazing, that’s no problem, but the relationship between the characters wasn’t giving me the feeling that ‘they’re meant to be together’. If you understand what I mean. ” Jinyoung claimed gesticulating his hand to follow up his opinion. I was angry, but at the same time expected it, “I understand. Romance is my favorite genre. But it seems like relying on my instincts didn’t get me anywhere. What’s missing though? How can I create a powerful impact in my stories instead of relying heavily on my head?” “Experience Sarang. Experience.” He answers. “So you’re telling me to find a partner who’ll act as my boyfriend? There’s no way. Unless you’re thinking of putting Namjoon into this project.” “Damn it, you got me. But hey, it would be interesting. Maybe in the end, he’ll confess his feelings to you. Look Sarang, experience is what push us forward. With that experience you can release every little detail from your heart to the paper.” “You make it sound like its easy.” I chuckled, “It’s not easy. Nothing’s easy, especially when it comes to writing stories.” I was silent for a moment. “Thank you Jinyoung.” I stood myself up after finishing my cup of Americano. Jinyoung also stood and offered that he’ll drop me off home. I accepted it and drove ourselves away. We arrived in front of my apartment and I left the car with a mindful farewell. Jinyoung apologizes one more time and finally ends his farewell with a joke. Before I turn around, a sudden pain grumbled in my stomach. Which immediately clicked in my head... The burrito...Of course After waving my farewells, I quickly headed up to the elevator and pressed the specific floor number leading to my home. In my head was all jumbled up I couldn’t even think straight. Every since I became an Author, my life took an unexpected and dramatic turn when I have to face high obstacles. It was nothing as I dreamed of, but it was worth it. Unlike my old life when I always have to be told off by my parents about what I should be in the future in order to keep our status on the highest peak. That I hated the most. That doesn’t even matter now! What matters is that I need to blow it up! “Looks like I am going to pull an all-nighter again.” In my head, I have everything planned for the night. But little did I know that at the moment I open the door, my life will change entirely. "Eomma?" “Eh?