Dangerous Gentlemen II: The Damned

2

“Krystina!” I shoot up from bed when I heard a familiar voice screamed my name right on my ear. Nanlalaki ang matang napatingin ako sa gilid at nakita si Mama na nakapamewang habang masama ang tinging pinupukol sa akin. 

Nanghihinang napasapo ako ng ulo nang maramdaman ko ang tila pag-ikot ng paligid. Bigla kasi akong bumangon mula sa pagkakahiga nang makita si Mama. 

‘Ugh. Orthostatic hypotension’ I thought to myself and massaged my temple.

 “Ma? What are you doing here screaming early in the morning?” I asked her in a groggy voice. 

“Early in the morning?! It’s already 3 p.m in the afternoon Krystina! Kanina pa kita tinatawagan hindi mo naman sinasagot ang phone mo. Kahit mga kaibigan mo walang kaalam-alam kung ano na ang nangyayari sa’yo. And what? I flew from America to visit you only to find out that you’re killing yourself with alcohol. And what’s that smell?” kunot noong tanong nito sabay lapit ng mukha sa akin at inamoy ako. 

“YOU’RE SMOKING?!” if looks could kill? Kanina pa siguro ako nakabulagta sa talim ng tingin sa akin ni Mama. 

Malalim akong napabuntong hininga at hinilot ang likod ng leeg ko “Ma. Can you please at least give me time. I just woke up” I asked her at nanghihinang tumayo. Napasapo ako ng ulo when I felt a thumping and compressing like pain in my head habang papunta ako sa CR na nasa tapat lang ng kama ko. 

Naririnig ko naman ang mabigat at padabog na yabag ni Mama sa likod ko. Hindi naman masyadong halata na galit siya ‘no?

“What have you been doing to yourself Krystina?” malumanay ang boses na tanong ni Mama habang pinapanood akong naghihilamos. 

“I’m just enjoying my life” tipid na sabi ko habang nakapikit dahil nagsasabon ako ng mukha. 

In my mind I knew where this conversation was going and as much as possible ay ayaw kong pag-usapan iyon. Why can’t they see it? I am trying my best to move on. I am trying to enjoy my life, to divert my attention and not focus on the pain of losing-

“I know what you feel Krystina” nakikisimpatyang sabi ni Mama. 

Naglapat ang labi ko at tinapos ang pagpupunas ng mukha ko at sinalubong ang tingin ni Mama sa salamin. She really does look sympathetic and worried about me but I knew better. 

“If you know what I feel then you wouldn’t have left me for that company of yours” malamig na sabi ko and was about to walk past her when she grabbed my hand, stopping me. 

“I know Krystina and I’m sorry. I was wrong because I always saw you as the strong and independent woman you are. You were also the one assuring me that you were okay when I left but as your Mother I know I should’ve known better. I’m sorry anak. Nandito na si Mama” I blinked many times suppressing the tears that’s impending to fall. I tried to look away nang hinarap niya ako sa kaniya but Mama cupped my face, fixing my gaze on her. 

“It’s okay anak. You don’t have to act tough. It’s just me, your Mama” naiiyak na sabi niya and smiled sadly. Hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili ko and I bursted into tears.

 The last few months have been tough for me ever since Mama left along with my older brother who works with her in our family company. Ako lang ang naiwan dito sa Pilipinas dahil dito ako nagtatrabaho.. At first I thought I could manage but as soon as they left, I immediately felt the emptiness of being alone. 

My fiance Tyler died last year due to a vehicular accident. Magkasama kami ng oras na ‘yon because we were supposed to go on our anniversary date. I should be the one who died but he hugged me during the last few seconds before the impact kaya siya ang sumalo ng lahat while I suffered only from minor injuries. 

I sighed heavily due to the pain in my chest when I remembered the last moments I had with him once more. 

Flashback

I opened my eyes and groaned when pain immediately took over my body. 

“Ouch” I cried and tried to move pero sobrang sakit ng katawan ko lalong lalo na ng mga paa ko. I looked around and saw Tyler staring blankly at me. His face is covered with blood and wounds. May iilang bubog din na nakasaksak sa balat niya. My heart ached so bad while looking at his helpless condition. 

“T-tyler” mangiyak-ngiyak na sabi ko and tried to reach for him but I was stuck in my place. 

“Tyler. Baby” tuluyan na akong napaiyak when he started coughing and blood oozed from his mouth. 

Oh God. No. Please God if you can hear me. 

“Love. Please hold on!”  natatarantang sabi ko and screamed from the top of my lungs asking for help. 

“HELP! IS THERE ANYBODY THERE?!” malakas na sigaw ko while looking for my phone but I found it on the floor, broken to pieces. 

“Krystina” Tyler whispered softly and tried to reach for me but he could only flicker his fingers. 

“Shh. Love. Save your energy. Papunta na ang paramedic okay? Love please hold on for me please” parang mababaliw ako sa pinaghalong taranta, sakit at takot na nararamdaman ko sa nakikita kong sitwasyon ni Tyler. Basing from him physical condition ay alam ko na ang kahahantungan pero hindi ko kayang tanggapin that the night that we were suppose to enjoy ended up tragically. 

“Krystina” kapos ang hiningang sabi niya while trying to catch a breathe. Tuluyan na akong napaiyak nang nakita ko ang isang luhang tumulo mula sa kaliwang mata niya. 

“I l-ove you” those were his final words before his pupils completely dilated. 

End of Flashback

My family was there for me during my darkest days. A few months after the incident ay akala ko okay na ako so I assured everyone that I am fine. That they don’t have to worry about me. Nagkaproblema kasi sa company so they had to leave. I smiled and acted like I was okay to make everyone stop worrying about me. Pero na-realize ko na ang hirap pala na umaktong okay ka kahit ang totoo ay hindi naman. Sa bawat araw na lumilipas ay mas lalo akong nahirapang makisabay sa mga kaibigan ko at tumawa sa jokes nila.

 Until, I stopped trying. 

I started to drink, hard. Gabi-gabi na rin akong laman ng mga bar at puma-party. Sometimes I would end up in someone else’s place but thank God intact pa rin ang virginity ko. I know I sound so reckless pero ang hirap talaga tumayo sa sarili mong paa kung masyadong malalim ang pagkalugmok. 

“Mommy is here okay?” Mama said in a broken voice while brushing my hair. Patuloy pa rin akong umiiyak habang nakahiga sa hita niya and eventually fell asleep again.