Plastic MEMORIES

"life seemed soo hard on me when I had to face my heart break...." I remembered my one side lover who I intended to forget. but when I sat by the window while watching the sun set.... memories came running back to me... "I still remember the night I proposed to him and got rejected..."I said to myself it was when I texted him late that night when everyone was asleep... except for me... It was dark and it was only me, my phone and my feelings we talked about random things and made jokes out of each other... I also asked him about "how his love life was going" yes! I can understand... you might be thinking that I.... proposed to a boy who was already committed... well yes! I did! I proposed to him even after knowing he had a girlfriend I said him "i love you" I knew what his answer was gonna be but still I took the risk of saying it to him to be honest... I just wanted him to know that I love him I didnt want him to come to me though I would have been soo happy if he did that... so I actually proposed to inform him that I loved him... So Jacob was his name he was a friend of mine from middle school... we were very good friends...well only on social media outside i********: we hardly even spoke to each other... but we knew every little detail about each other... he proposed once but I didnt take it seriously..." we are just too young and dumb...Its just affection!" I said as if I knew everything.... but later on... when I started to notice him in a different way and not just as a friend I found out that he was perfect for me... guess I was too late when I realised it... I saw him with someone else... but the funny part was that she resembled me in many ways... and when I asked about who the girl was my friends said "dont you know? she is his girlfriend and they have been dating for about 3 months now" I was in shock... and said "he didnt even say me a word about this..." yet after few days I proposed to a committed guy and got dumped after all that happend on that night I was a complete mess and dashed through the front door to the garden when my bare foot touched the cold grass just then a cold breeze hit my skin and gave me chills.... I felt soo low...it was like the breeze was a trigger to weaken my selfcontrol.... I was standing in the middle of my garden with my hands cuddling myself I just fell on my knees and screamed as low as I can... i forced myself to let it go... i said to myself "he is not the last person on earth...you will find someone better ..." that's when I realised... my eyes were wet and tears were running down... I couldn't stop no matter how much I wiped it off... it was just a matter of time when I sat completely on the moist grass and swayed the grass gently with a faded smile... I hated myself soo much for I took the risk on myself I dont know what Jacob actually thinks of me now... I hurt myself so bad that my heart ached and was broken into pieces I wanted to scream as loud as I can but I didn't want anyone coming to me an ask about it cuz I know if that were to happen I would collapse and cry like a mad person... just then I looked at the sky... the night sky filled with stars and the moon in his fullest form... it was one beautiful sight.... well I wasn't in a position to admire such a beauty the more I looked up, the more I started to overthink and pressure my head... soon I had a serious headache and felt soo weak in my legs... I barely walked myself inside the house and sat for a while with my eyes closed... after some time I was feeling a bit fine its was 4 am in the morning... I thought "I'll be screwed if mom and dad find out I'm awake that this time" ofcourse I can tell them that i came to have some water but dont think they will believe me after seeing my dress coverd in mud... so I quickly ran to my bed and covered myself ofcourse I changed my dress before sleeping around 6 am mom came knocking into my room to wake me up... and me who was dead asleep didnt respond at all my mom had no choice to sprinkle some water on me to wake me up so when I came down for breakfast my mom was starting at me I was like what's wrong with her and said " umm......good morning?" "good morning dear...well..umm...why is your eyes swollen and face so puffy?" I was so sleepy that I yawned and said in a lazy tone "haaaa I had a bad night and wasnt able to sleep.." she asked me "why? what happened?" I looked straight into her and gulped... "s**t!! what do I say I looked at my right... my brothers who were giggling as if I was caught cheating my dad to the left who was eating and didnt care much about what was going on... I said "it's nothing mom I think I might have rubbed my eye a little too much last night...it was kinda itchy " my mom looked at me from tip to toe as if she was a scanner... I could tell by looking at her...that she didnt believe what I said "do you think I was born yesterday??" she said i didn't say a word after that she continued "it seems like you have been crying yourself to sleep last night" I managed a smile and said it was nothing after that she just gazed at me a little and asked us to pack our things so mom dropped my brothers at junior high and me at my high school