Crave: A Tale of Sensual Metamorphosis

Be Careful, I Heard That Love Is Blind

(Read Author’s Notes)

I was probably in bed for weeks maybe even months. I stopped eating, though I never really needed to in the first place. My need to sleep eventually went away but still I pretended like I could. The days went by like minutes and it was eventually winter again. Only this time it wasn’t beautiful and snowy like back home but hot and depressing. Matthew’s scent eventually went away from everything. The shirt he left behind no longer smelled like him as I wore it this whole time. I would have stayed there forever had it not been for a certain craving I was developing over time. I associated it with hunger, but it was stronger than that. The only time I remembered felling this way was before me and Matthew had s*x for the first time. I guess I was inadvertently satisfying that craving without even knowing it. Either way, my body felt like it was on fire and I could no longer stand the heat of the duvet. I threw it off of me causing a large dust cloud to puff in the air. I coughed as I finally breathed in the somewhat fresher air. My eyes were heavy and my bones cracked and ached. The sight of our bedroom killed me inside and every sign of him was gone. “Why can’t you just kill me yourself?” I looked to the sky/ceiling hoping that who ever created me would answer and listen. I looked down to my thigh and wrist to see my self inflicted wounds had somewhat healed themselves. I ran my fingers over them disappointed in myself for not committing to what I’d done.

I walked out into the hallway stepping over a broken chair followed by a smashed painting. I looked down to see my dried blood stains on the carpet. “Oh yeah. I forgot I did this.” I groaned as I looked at the messy apartment. I remembered very little from my explosion, only that I couldn’t contain myself after he left and practically destroyed everything. I opened the bathroom door to the shock of my hair being back to its original color. It’s almost like my power was now drained and I was back to square one. I opened the drawer and my hand tensed as I reached for the necklace. I put it on no longer wanting to give up on myself. I stared at my sweaty, tear stained, face trying to wipe it away with my hands. After collecting myself I threw on some old clothes and grabbed his keys finally leaving the apartment.

I wondered down the street for a while until I came across a fancy looking hotel. I knew it would take ages to clean the apartment, so I entered. I was almost stopped by security and turned away, until I pulled out the black credit card Matthew left me. I went up to the desk fixing my sunglasses. “How long will you be staying at our fine establishment Miss?” The concierge smiled brightly as I stared at them annoyed. “I don’t know yet.” I blatantly said smacking the card on the counter. He took it hesitantly and swiped it. “We’ll place you in the finest suite for your extended stay.” He handed me a key and I finally took off my sunglasses wincing at the natural sunlight. “Don’t you guys have a coffee machine or something?” I groaned walking away before he could answer. I eventually found a lounge area approaching a fancy looking self serving cafe. “This better do something.” I said to myself trying to figure out the complex thing. I poured the coffee into the pot assuming it was the same as cooking. I pressed start and patiently waited.

Time passed and I pulled out the pot. “Oh fuck..” I groaned staring inside the coffee pot to see nothing but wet, hot, coffee grounds. “Hey, do you need help with that?” A deep voice spoke and I threw my guard up instinctively. “Whoa! Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just you’re doing it wrong.” He backed away. I finally looked up to see a rugged guy with short dark hair and deep brown eyes. He didn’t look as intimidating as his voice and I was slightly put at ease. I cleared my throat and spoke. “Uh, sorry, I’m just.. not use to people approaching me is all.” I put my hair behind my ear. “Well, I’m Tyler by the way.” He held out his hand and I was too scared to make physical contact with anyone. Especially a man. “It’s just, I’ve seen you before and wanted to say hi to a familiar face in this forgetful town.” He awkwardly pulled his hand back. “Anyway, you need to put the coffee grounds in the top. Not into the pot.” He put his hands up about to walk away. “I’m Lilianna.” I slightly shouted and instantly regretted it. “Oh well it’s nice to meet you.” He turned back putting his hand out once again and I reached out to shake it. My body instantly went up in flares making me drop the glass coffee pot. As it broke, I covered my ears wanting to burst into tears. “Hey it’s fine.” He grabbed my shoulders comfortingly. “I’m sorry.” I sniffed wiping my eyes. “I’m just going through a lot right now.” I tried my hardest to keep it together. “I approached you, and you’re apologizing to me?” He guided his eyes to mine. “I should be the one saying sorry for bothering you.” He grinned then went down to clean up the pot. I bent down helping as well. “I haven’t even got to my room yet and I’m already gonna get thrown out.” I subconsciously joked unable to stop myself. “Look you don’t have to worry about it. I’ll just say it was my fault. Better yet..I’ll buy you a cup. One you don’t have to make.” He nudged me with a smile I couldn’t resist.

“You don’t have to tell me the reason why you’re upset. I just want to at least make your day better. I can see something’s been bothering you for a while.” He spoke quietly as I stared at my lap not touching my coffee. “So, uh, where are you from.” He pulled out the cafe menu. I then looked up, and he tried to pretend like he was focused on the lunch specials. “You said you saw me before. What did you mean by that?” I asked still not fully sure of him. He hesitated then smiled, “People see each other on the street, at the grocery store, at the park all the time. I just remembered you from somewhere is all.” He deflected. “But where?” I pressed to his shock. He sighed putting the menu down. “Okay. A few months back I went to this shitty fancy party in the city.” He admitted making me visibly cringe at the memory. “Well, if it’s worth anything, I could tell that woman was being a b***h to you so I understand. Plus, that guy you were with wasn’t really on your side.” He spoke slyly. “He has a name.” I quietly shot back. “Well, whatever ‘his’ name is or ‘was’ he shouldn’t have let you left alone like that. Who knows what could have happened to you.” He scoffed. I found it hard to defend Matthew knowing that he did leave me in end. I grew silent which he quickly noticed, “Oh, I didn’t know..he was the reason you’re like this..” he grabbed my hand I retreated. “Sorry, not my place.” He apologized looking back at the menu. “You know what it’s like to be with someone but it’s like everything in the world doesn’t want the two of you together? And no matter how hard you try, you can’t keep them.” I impulsively spoke my mind to him. He nodded then grabbed his phone, “Yeah I do.” He pulled out a picture of a little girl with a pink flower dress, “This was the last picture I had of my daughter. It was her birthday and I’d got her a rocking pony chair. That was 5 years ago.” He put the phone back looking down. We were now both silent as the waiter came, “Can I get you two love birds anything?” She spoke with a heavy country accent. “Oh, we’re not together. We’re just having lunch.” I cleared things up. She winked as if she didn’t believe me and I cringed harder. She eventually took our orders and I finally sipped my coffee. The taste was extremely bitter and unappealing. “Guess hotel coffee would have been better huh.” He laughed though I knew it was cause of my powers fading. I heavily sighed rubbing my face. “No offense, but you look like s**t. But like in a hot grungy kind of way. Totally not a ‘I’m scared to leave you alone’ kind of way.” I didn’t know whether or not to take that as a compliment or an insult. I was slightly self conscious but shot back at him, “Well you look like you just..” I couldn’t think of a snarky enough comeback and gave up.

“Hey, I’m kidding. I’m not judging. We all go through rough patches.” He chuckled and I sank back into my seat. I looked around at how nice things actually looked even though I was depressed. “It’s crazy how time flies when you’re not paying attention.” I gazed at the bright blue sky. “I feel you.” I agreed. “What are doing later tonight. If you don’t mind me asking?” I could feel him growing more fond of me. “Why?” I asked defensively. He shrugged, “Wanna do something. I mean, we’re doing something right now. But, I don’t know, something fun?” His eyes were full of hopefulness and I couldn’t bring myself to say no.

“You sure I can’t just come in?” He asked and I squeezed myself into my apartment door so he couldn’t see inside. “I just have to change. I’ll be quick.” I smiled before slamming the door in his face. I ran over the upturned apartment taking off my old clothes. I brushed my hair, and simultaneously brushing my teeth as I tiptoed through my messy room. I sifted through my clothes looking something clean. I froze as Matthew’s shirt fell on the floor in front of me reminding me of everything again. In that very moment, I wanted to crawl back into bed for good. Tyler then knocked, “Hope everything’s okay.” He shouted and I snapped out of it. I found a cute mini skirt and top slipping them both on quickly. I grabbed a random pair of kitten heels and ran to the door taking my purse. “Okay I’m ready.” I squeezed back out with my new look. “Wow. You really went from emo to Barbie real quick.” He nodded and was seemingly impressed. He held out his arm and I took it as we left my apartment building.

“Where are we going again?” I awkwardly sat in the passenger of his darker, more sleek looking, car. He sat comfortably while driving with one hand. “Oh, there’s this fancy party I think you will love. Nice live piano, fancy drinks, the whole shabang.” He explains and I winced at the idea of going to another party. “I’m kidding..again.” He laughed and I felt foolish to keep falling for his jokes. I let out a sigh of relief, and I began to get comfortable. I nervously adjust my skirt even though he kept his eyes on the road at all time. I thought maybe I subconsciously wanted him to look.

We drove for a while and I tried not to let my nerves get to me. I could only barely sense his feelings, and nothing was alarming which put me at further ease. Eventually, we pulled into a more urban looking side of town. I thought of Matthew the entire time wondering what he was up to. Month’s had past, and I assumed he went back to our old town to be with his family. Though we were no longer together, I still felt like I was betraying him by being with Tyler; we weren’t even romantically involved.

We arrived to a bright colored building with neon lights flashing. “What is this?” I asked never seeing a place like this before. “Seriously?”he responded but quickly caught himself, “Don’t worry it’ll be fun.” He reassured me as he parked the car. I unbuckled my seat belt but before I could open my door he rushed around the car opening it for me. “No need to be a gentleman.” I insured but he insisted taking my hand. We entered the building and I realized we were at a seemingly popular skating rink. “Oh..I don’t know how to skate.” I turned to him nervously. “Trust me you’ll love it.” He pointed to various people falling as they tried to learn how to. I became extremely anxious about it as he bought our skate shoes. I sat down feeling awkward around all the couples holding hands and kids running amuck. He brought the shoes and I reached to remove my heels. “Let me.” He quickly stopped me bending down. I pressed my knees together nervously as her took off my heels and pulled the single-use socks over them. I tried to control myself as he firmly gripped my calve guiding my foot into the skate. He then tied them carefully looking at me with a smile. “Is it too late to say no?” I asked as he took my hands helping me up. I immediately struggled to keep my balance falling into his arms for support. “Regardless, if you get the hang of it, at least it’ll be a fun memory to somewhat replace the bad ones.” He held me steady teaching me how to properly hold myself up.

Soon, I made it into the skating rink after some practice. I looked like a gazelle as I held my hands out in front of me. Tyler effortlessly glided past me spinning around. “See it’s not that hard.” He bragged slaying around me. “That’s real asy for you to say.” I sheepishly scooted myself across the floor. He grew impatient taking my hand again. “No no no!” I shouted as he pulled me to skate with him and I tried my best to stay upright. Over time I started getting the hang of it and quickly began enjoying myself. Eventually, I was running circles around the rink without his support laughing at how fun it really was. “You’re going faster than me.” He shouted from behind though I knew he was only trying to make me feel better. I stupidly looked back and immediately began to stumble. He rushed to help me causing us to slam into the barrier together. “Whoa, you okay?” He held my sides as I caught my breath. We were almost nose to nose and started getting lost in his concerned eyes. Then, a voice on the speak spoke as the lights dimmed, “I want everyone that isn’t a couple to clear the floor. Let’s take things slooowww.” I broke our stare clearing my throat. “I think that means we should sit down.” I moped rolling over to the rink exit.

We made it back to the bench and I sat down breathing heavily. “I didn’t think I could do it.” I laughed holding my chest. “You did better than me for your first time. I ate s**t all the time as a kid.” He sat next to me. I don’t know why but the thought of him having a childhood made me feel slightly sad. I never really thought of me never being a kid as a negative until now. “But you get it right? First bike rides, first skate board, scooter?” He tried getting me to open up again and I just shook my head, no, in response. He recognized I how I felt and quickly changed the subject. “Wanna get something to eat. It’s getting a little late.” He began untying his skates. “No it’s fine. This was perfect.” I placed my hand on his with a light smile.

We got to the entrance of the hotel and my legs felt like jelly. I didn’t know if it was the skating or the tension I felt with him. “I hope I made your day a little better.” He tapped my arm playfully. “I really did enjoy myself Tyler.” I smiled twirling my foot. “So, uh, are you staying here too?” I asked wondering if he had a room as well. “Oh no, I stay a few blocks down. I just come here because the coffee is nice and free.” He explained and I couldn’t tell if it was another joke. There was an awkward silence and I looked back to the entrance. “Well..” before I could say anything else he quickly kissed me immediately apologizing. I felt a rush all over my body touching my lips. I was take a back at the gesture but wasn’t upset by it. “I’ll let that one slide.” I blushed. “So I guess this is goodnight?” He put his hands in his pockets about to walk away. “W-where did you say you lived again?” I vaguely asked stopping him.

I threw my stuff on the floor as he pinned me against the wall in a deep kiss. My heels barely could hold on as he picked me up slamming me on his counter top. “Did I mentioned how insanely beautiful you were?” He whispered mid kiss pulling my shirt up as he kissed down my body. I felt like my mind was going to explode as his kisses since chills all over my body. I tried gripping the flat countertop as he unbuttoned my skirt kissing lower. He then picked me back up carrying me upstairs to his bed room as his pants were unzipped. I felt like I was going to burst into flames as every sensation in my body was at 100. He shut the door behind placing me on my stomach. I could feel the heat from his body as he kissed the back of my neck while simultaneously pulling my skirt further down. It eventually made its way to the floor and the cold air made my body shiver relentlessly. There was a brief moment as he removed his pants. I had a slight second thought only because Matthew was still on my mind. That quickly went away as his large hands gripped my ass making me focus back on him. I pulled the sheets as he pushed inside of me groaning in the process. “God..”his voice shook and he held my hips for support. My face was buried in his pillow and he grabbed my neck pulled me up for a kiss. He went in deeper making me moan in his mouth. In that moment, I couldn’t think of anything else, my mind and my body was completely focused on him. I pushed against him deepening further and he broke the kiss trying to keep himself together. We were both a sweaty mess as he turned me over and we were now face to face. We peppered each other with kisses as he began picking up the paste. I ran my hands over his back closing my eyes in ecstasy. The entire bed was rocking and I was thankful he lived in a house instead of an apartment. He constantly cursed while trying to last as long as possible but I knew he couldn’t. With one last thrust my back arched as he released inside of me falling on top exhausted. I couldn’t explain it, but every single craving and depressed feeling left my body as we finished together. It was like I was reborn into the woman I was or even better. I ran my hands through his hair and his emotions began to flood my mind in an instant. I could feel he was still very nervous but on cloud nine. I could also tell he was shocked to even have gotten me to this point. But, I could also sense that he was falling for me, and I didn’t want that.

Time had gone by and we didn’t say anything to each outside of light kisses. Though, I knew it was best for me to leave and never see him again. I got up and pulled my skirt on and buttoned my shirt. “I actually should get going.” I stood up fixing my hair. “Oh, let me drive you home.” He offered putting his clothes on well. “It’s okay I’ll just get a cab.” I pulled my phone out looking for a service to call. “This late at night? Come on now.” He got up grabbing his pants. I sighed not wanting to get more involved with him than I already have. “Look Tyler, today was honestly the most fun I’ve had in a long time and I really appreciate you making that happen. It’s just I’m not looking for a rela-” he kissed me deeply before I could finish holding my face closely. After many moments, he finally pulled away and we were bother riled up once again. “I just wanted to give you a real kiss. Especially if this is the last time I’ll see you. God, you don’t know how much I enjoyed this.” He whispered. I groaned throwing my head back, “Ah, f**k it.” I kissed him back knocking up both onto his bed.

THE NEXT MORNING

“And.. when I came back from work, that’s when I found out she took off with Emma. Of course the police couldn’t do anything cause she was the mother and I never actually signed the birth certificate.” He rambled as I laid on his chest, “That’s crazy. You haven’t heard anything since? Not even from family?” I inquired, even though it wasn’t my place. “Like you said, it was like everything wanted to keep me from her. Maybe she’s better off without me. I sure hope so.” He sighed. “Don’t say that. I’m sure she misses you just as much as you miss her.” I sat up confronting him. “I should be the one try keep you positive.” He rolled me over kissing me. I shielded my eyes from the rising sun realizing we were up all night. “Ugh, time for work.” Tyler sighed finally getting up. “You can’t call off?” I asked snuggling one of his pillows. “Boss isn’t going to go for that. Plus, gotta pay the bills. You know what it’s like don’t you?” He headed into the bathroom turning on the shower. I laid there contemplating everything. “What have you done Lily.” I said to myself staring at the ceiling. He soon came out in a towel and I wanted to jump on him all over again. He grabbed a dry cleaned suit out the closet, “Oh, so you’re a businessman?” I questioned as it was a really nice suit. “It is company policy to always look professional.” He got himself dressed.

“You, uh, can let yourself out just make sure to lock the door.” He fixed his suit in the mirror. I still laid there not wanting to ever get up. Only this time it was for a good reason. He grabbed his keys before giving me a kiss. “I get off a 5.” He whispered. He looked back before heading out the door giving me a bright smile. In that moment, I knew I was also falling for him and knew nothing good would come from this. I just couldn’t resist it.

~~~

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