Becoming Luna Sofia

Sofia The moon gleams down on my skin. The forest is quiet, tranquil. I watch as small rays of light swim around me, I feel such warmth growing in my body, fighting to find its way out. I am spinning faster and faster until the warmth that was in me, is now around me. What is this? Where am I? … Who am I? “Sofia! Wake the hell up. What are you doing still in bed?” I open my eyes to find Nick hovering overtop of me in a bath towel. His sandy blonde hair still damp, and a toothbrush hanging from his mouth. “I..um.. I’m sorry, I didn’t sleep well last night.” I jumped up quickly and began making the bed. The clock on the nightstand read 6:34 AM. Damn. I was in trouble. I winced at the thought of what the result of my mistake this would be. I was shaken back to reality when Nick kicked the basket of folded clothes across the bedroom floor. “You didn’t sleep well? You know, Sofia, I don’t get you. I mean, I work all day long and I can’t even get you out of bed on time to make breakfast before I leave. What the hell do you do all day that is so hard that you can’t do the simplest things I ask of you?” I knew better than to answer that question, so instead, I began picking up the clothes on the floor and placing them back in the basket. “I’m sorry, Nick. You’re right, I should have been up. I can make some eggs really quick; it won’t take long at all...” “Forget it, I don’t have time for this s**t today.” He grabbed his keys and jacket and stormed out of the room. I followed him down the narrow hallway of our small two-bedroom cottage. “I’ll make a big dinner, whatever you want, just text me and I’ll have it ready when you get home.” He pulled a box out and threw it at me. “Text me the results”, and with that, he swung the front door open and left. I looked down at the pink and blue box in my hand. My heart dropped. Another pregnancy test. I met Nick four years ago when I was 18. He was kind, charming even. When he asked me to move in with him, I didn’t even think about it for a second. I thought nothing could be worse than being beaten by my father every day. But I was wrong. As soon as the door shut behind me on the first day I moved here, the honeymoon phase was over. Nick was demanding, he wanted everything perfect. The first night we moved in together, he insisted we have s*x without a condom, I was a virgin. What I didn’t know was that Nick’s parents had left him with a very hefty inheritance, the only condition being that he had a child of his own. So, the last two years had been a vicious cycle of pregnancy tests, miscarriages, and beatings. The only time that Nick had ever been nice to me was when I was pregnant. Both times, I lost the baby. The doctors didn’t know why, but Nick blamed me. The first time he found out I was pregnant, he cried. “Don’t you understand what this means, Sofia? We will never have to worry about anything, we will have everything we ever wanted?” When I miscarried, he beat me until I was bedbound for a week. As I sat on the toilet waiting for the results to come back, I felt so ashamed. Not because I had become a useless, battered woman, but because I prayed that the test came back positive. I didn’t want a child with Nick, but if I was pregnant, I knew that for the time being, I was safe. And if I wasn’t, I wasn’t sure what he would do. Please be positive, please. f**k, no no no. God please, no. I sobbed as the test only showed one little pink line, negative. I knew I wasn’t pregnant, but now, I had to tell Nick. He would be getting his break soon and the first thing he would do is text wanting the results. I began cleaning the entire house vigorously. Scrubbing all the counters, cleaning out the fridge, even pulling weeds out of the front yard. At 12 on the dot, my phone buzzed, it was Nick. What did it say? I bit my lip and held my breath as I typed negative and hit send. I waited awhile, shaking to my core. No response. s**t. I had thought about running away, but where would I go? My father was almost as bad as Nick. After my mother died, he couldn’t stand the thought of me. I reminded him too much of momma. We both had the same auburn colored hair and deep blue eyes. He used to hit momma, but she was stronger than me. She stood her ground to him, and she wasn’t afraid to fight back. I wish I was like her in those ways. I had yelled back at Nick once, he put me through the bathroom door. I learned very quickly to just be quiet and take whatever he gave me, it was easier that way. After I finished cleaning the house, I began dinner. I made his favorite-Spaghetti and garlic bread. As the clock ticked closer to five, I felt my stomach churning. My hands began shaking again, I knew he was coming. I could feel it. The hours passed and my anxiety grew. It was almost 8 PM when I had finally sat down on the couch and dozed off… The forest was calling me, I ran through the tees faster than I had ever run in my life. It was liberating. I could feel the branches shatter beneath me. I reached a lake. I walk up to the water’s edge. What was looking back at me? “Get up!” I am awoken soaked in what smelled like beer. I look up to find Nick staring down at me, his eyes were red and glazed. He was drunk. Oh God, he was drunk.