My Angel Of Peace

While You Were Sleeping

"Oh Ethan, I wish I could have met you when I was alive," I looked at the peaceful boy sleeping next to me. It wasn't fair that I had to meet someone like him. He deserves to be enjoying life with his friends and his girlfriend, not wasting his time helping a dead girl. I want him to be happy. I want him to forget about me but I don't want him to. I will be all alone again. The day I woke up like this, I was all alone in the dark. I saw a light and I thought I would be going, I don't know, somewhere else. I ended up in the middle of the street. I knew where I was but no one was there. I began to walk home and when I got there my house was empty. My parents were gone. I got sad and I cried all night. I walked around town and most of the people I knew were sad. They kept saying how much they missed me and how young I was and how tragic it all was. I knew what they were talking about. I avoided going to go look for Miguel, I didn't want to see him. I still kind of hated him. I still blamed him. I lost everything. I died. I was dead because of him. I finally got the courage to go to school. I was shocked to see how many kids were still crying. I didn't make me happy or relieved or even grateful. I was beginning to think they should move on and let me go. I noticed how much Miguel had changed. He was a typical loner now. He stopped playing sports. He stopped hanging out with his old friends and ignored Jennifer completely. I hated him all over again when I saw that. Now he wanted to ignore her. I knew he felt guilty. I knew he was angry and sad. I knew if he could do it all over again he would never say what he said or he would rather be the one who died. After so many months passed I started to feel like I could forgive the two of them. I guess I started to see how it was my fault for forcing Miguel to love me when he didn't. Even if by the end he fooled me, I started it. He only wanted to make me happy. Even, if things were different, and I was alive. I would be in so much pain. I would be hurting every day watching them be together. So I wished somehow they could be together. I came to peace with what happened. I actually almost thought I was going to move on. Go to a better place and all but then you came along. I saw you. I looked into your eyes and I said I didn't want to go. You saw me, I hadn't spoken to anyone in so long. I was hiding in my nook, all alone. You came into my life and gave me peace. I figured I would do what I had wished for because he could hear me. Ethan could help me get Miguel and Jennifer together. The more I saw Miguel and remembered, I began to hate him again. I began to get jealous again. I wanted to be alive and slap him so hard. I wanted both of them to say they were sorry but to my face. I wanted them to know I heard it and how sad I was. I didn't want to be a ghost and stay by Miguel's side. I didn't want to haunt Jennifer and make sure she was miserable. I wanted peace. Ethan made me laugh. He made me forget. He was my friend, or maybe he was something more. I can't help but think if I was alive how it would have felt when he kissed me. I lied to him. I did feel those tingles on my lips. I felt my lips get warm and I wanted to cry. I wanted to keep them on his. I wanted to let my hand linger on his cheek and run my fingers through his hair. I wanted to be ALIVE! Even if I never move on, what can I give Ethan? He said he would never forget me. He said he loves me but I can't hold him back from living his life. I have to get him to see the world and find joy with someone else. It's not like that pain will kill me. I ran my fingers through his hair and he must have thought it was the wind because he got his covers and covered his face. I felt bad that I had made him cold. The funny thing was, sometimes I got up and looked out the window because I didn't really need to sleep, obviously but I liked laying next to him. Well, Ethan always knew when I got up and he would open his eyes and start looking for me. I always smiled at him and went back to lay next to him. Why? WHY? WHY? WHY? I wanted to shout WHY? I wanted to know why I was still here. Why I had to meet Ethan. Why did I have to die? I realized none of this would bring me back. So I decided that if I didn't move on after Jennifer and Miguel ended up together, that I would go find my parents and stay with them until I got to see them again. It was better than having to stay by his side knowing I would never get what I really want. I can't see another boy I love, be with someone else. I sighed and cuddled next to Ethan.

"I hope when I tell you what happened that day, you won't do anything stupid."

"You are my angel of peace

Let me fly

By your side, I always want to be"