The Last Letter

47

Chapter XLVII

August’s POV

It felt extreme guilt hiding my relationship with Suzanne to my best friend, Ben. I even felt guiltier when I realized that I was jealous and a little mad at him when he was talking to Suzanne. It was a childish and immature reaction, I know. I almost haven’t recognized myself for having to feel this way towards Ben. As if we weren’t friends for a long time, way more time from the time combined from the moment I met Suzanne until today.

For the past few days, after we three went to the beach, I can’t help but feel so mad about myself. Every night, I would occasionally think of my life decisions. I just forget about these selfish thoughts when I’m with her or when I was really busy.

I spent so much time with Suzanne more than anyone. After school, we would hangout or go to my house and we’ll both do our school work together. It was night that I was always with her most of the days but I occasionally think of Ben and my betrayal towards him. It felt like Suzanne and I are having an affair, where in fact, there’s nothing going on between them (this is one of the thoughts that make me feel better). But… should I really be okay in this situation?

My family had been skeptical that we are already in a relationship but Suzanne and I always denied it. It felt bad that I can’t proudly tell anyone that Suzanne is already my girlfriend since it will cause trouble.

The exhibit went fine and honestly, it went really well.

Our proposal got in the second round as we expected, but we are told to make some drastic changes. That whole week, our team is so focused on doing the revisions and practicing the lines we will deliver in front of the judges. Those were what we did in that week of sleepless nights. But at least, Suzanne was on my side every time so it makes my stressful days a little better.

But unfortunately, the competition was rough in the second round. The other teams were so tough to beat but I could say we all fought a good fight. We ended up getting 4th place and we were all satisfied with the result since the other teams had more creative and realistic ideas. We all got good grades from that project so we were all satisfied.

That night when the result of the competition came out, we had a team party at the restaurant where Suzanne worked before. It was definitely a fun night and we felt all the hard work for two weeks paid off really well.

Days passed by and October ended on a good note. Then November passed without anything extraordinary, it’s just a normal and chill month.

Suzanne and I celebrated our first month by going on a picnic at the small hill we went to before. As much as possible, we avoid kissing too much because once it starts, it will be hard to end it. And if it’s hard to stop our urge to be intimate, something bad could happen.

We also went out for dates in more secluded places where we will be comfortable to show that we are in a relationship. I just hope no one sees us.

And now… Christmas is coming, so is Ben’s birthday. Did I already say this before? Ben is a Christmas baby.

Speaking of Ben, after that time we went to the beach, I haven’t seen and talked to him much. I don’t know how he will spend his birthday this year or will he even celebrate? Suzanne also said that he wasn’t messaging her that much after that trip unlike before that he always makes sure to leave us a message almost everyday. I guess he became busier indeed.

But not gonna lie… I miss my friend.

Before the Christmas break, it would be our final examinations for the second semester. Suzanne and I agreed to lessen the time we spend together to focus on our studies even just for a week and a half. With that, we didn’t go out or see each other during that time.

Luckily, the finals went great for the both of us. We got high scores actually.

It’s slowly sinking into me that the next time I’ll go to university, I will be a senior. The last step towards graduation and licensure exams, I’ll be very busy and I fear I won’t balance my time for Suzanne and my studies. But she said she understands but I know women, they need time from their boyfriends.

So yeah, tomorrow is Christmas eve as well as Ben’s birthday.

Suzanne will spend Christmas with her brother and grandfather while me, as usual, is spending the holidays with my family. Suzanne asked me if I could go to his brother’s farm after Christmas day but I highly doubt that I could. First, I don’t know how I will get there and second, we have relatives that will visit the house after Christmas. Mom surely won’t let me step outside since I entertained our visitors more than she can.

“He hasn’t messaged me yet.” I read Suzanne’s message on my pager.

I sighed. What is happening with Ben? It’s the holidays, it’s impossible that his trainer will let him spend Christmas and his birthday inside the gym. How come he’s not answering any of our calls? Even Suzanne’s messages and calls?

“I don’t know what to do. I messaged him a couple of times but I got no answer. Is he okay? Maybe you should check on him, August.” a message popped up on my screen.

“Okay. I’ll update you. I love you.” I typed back.

I placed my pager on my bedside table and sat at the edge of my bed, facing the window.

“Should I call or go directly to his house?” I whispered to myself.

I laid on my back on my bed. Now I face my good old friend, the ceiling of my room.

Does August already know about my secret relationship with Suzanne? That’s why he's been avoiding us for like a month now? Those questions are what’s been going through my mind whenever I think of Ben. Whenever I see him in the university cafeteria or just walking around the hallway, he never looks in my direction. As much as I wanted to call his name in public, I was overtaken by guilt.

I went downstairs where my mom and my younger brothers were organizing our groceries for tomorrow’s celebration. Anytime by now, Aries will also be home. So I expect that this house will be too noisy later on.

I walked by the kitchen to the living room where the telephone is. I dialed Ben’s house and in just three rings, aunt or Ben’s mom answered my call.

“Hello? Who is this?”

“This is August, aunt. May I know if Ben is at home? If he’s there, can I speak to him?” I politely replied.

“Ohh. Hello August, Merry Christmas to you and your family. Unfortunately, he’s not here at home. I don’t know where he’s been but he went out pretty early this morning.” Aunt answered on the other line.

“Merry Christmas too. May I know how you will celebrate his birthday tomorrow? We haven't talked for quite a while now, I do not know what’s going on with him.”

“I’m sorry to say but I don’t know how we will celebrate his birthday. We had a little argument, it was personal and between us family. He hasn’t been going home for a while now either. If you ever come in contact with my son, can you update me too? So that I won’t worry about where he has been going.” I don’t know if I heard it correctly but I think Aunt’s voice became soft but sad as she said those words. I think it was a serious argument. Ben is a very compassionate and understanding person, but at the same time, he is sensitive and delicate.

“Okay aunt. Sure, I will do that. Thank you and have a nice day.” I just replied.

“Thank you too, August.” she said and hung up the phone.

I hurriedly went to my room again and grabbed my pager. I scrolled through my contacts and clicked Ben’s email address.

“Hey Ben. Where are you? Can I talk to you?” I typed. I waited for about 3 minutes and checked my pager from time to time, hoping for a reply.

“Ben.” I typed again.

“Ben.” I repeated the same messages about 5 times and waited for a response for like 10 more minutes. 10 minutes, 30 minutes, and then an hour had passed but I haven’t received a single message. I even checked if my messages are really sent but no matter what I do, it’s just that Ben has been ignoring any of my texts.

Just when I was about to give up, my heart beat when I heard a buzzing sound in my bedside table where I placed my pager. I immediately opened the text message without looking at the sender’s name.

To be continued…