RBS 3: Suffered Love (FREE TO READ)

CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER 18

MALAKAS ang t***k ng puso ko, hindi iyon mula sa kaba at sobrang saya kundi iyon ay ang pagkadismaya sa sarili. Punit na punit iyon habang tinitingnan ko ang mga luhang umaagpas mula sa mga mata ng anak ko. Hindi ko mapigilang hindi mapahikbi ng dahan dahan siyang ibinaba ni Nicholas. Malakas na pumalahaw si Angela at mabilis akong tinakbo at niyakap ang aking mga hita.

I stopped my breathing.

Mas lalo siyang umiyak at mahigpit na kumayapit ang kanyang mga malilit na braso sa akin.

“M--mommy..I--I missed you po.” She cried.

I didn’t waste any second, I pulled down my body and hugged her immediately.

"M-mommy..”

Her little arms encircled immediately on my neck and all I can do is to hug her with the same intensity. My heart felt so full. I can’t help to part my lips a little more to take out all the screams.

I don’t need some documents to prove that she’s mine, because I know she’s my daughter. Hindi na iyon maipagkakaila pa. I know from my heart that she came from me. Hindi ko mahanap kong saan nagmumula ang sakit sa aking puso habang yakap siya. Wala akong ibang maisip at gawin kundi ang yakapin siya at mas alalanin ang pagkakataong ito, na hawak siya. It somehow made me calmed knowing that she’s here with me in my arms.

I’ve been living with a care free life, away from all the hellish life that I won’t like to take in. Perhaps think of it as a sort of overload reaction - there is too much emotion to process and so my brain edits it out, the same way my brain edits out fear when it has no purpose. Ang hindi ko pala alam ay may naiiwan akong may mas masakit pa sa dinanas ko at iyon ang anak ko. Mas maiintidihan ko pa sana kong si Nicholas lang ang nalimutan ko, pero kong kasali na doon ang anak ko ay parang….parang hindi ko kayang patawarin ang sarili ko sa pagkakataong ito.

Umiyak ako sa balikat niya at mas ibinaon ang mukha doon. I sniffed her scent and I can’t help to cry more. Tears keep flowing through my eyes.

“M-my baby..” I mumbled mercilessly.

Mas lalo siyang naiyak sa sinabi ko. With my trembling nerves, I felt Nicholas presence behind me, squatting in front of us. I lifted my head but only to find out his bloodshot eyes. I saw some tears scattered near his eyes but he choose to stay firm for all of us.

He gulped. “I’m sorry.” His seriousness makes me cried more.

What is he sorry for? Mas lalo akong naiyak at mas iniinda ang sakit mula sa puso.

I caressed my daughter’s cheeks. She already had hiccups because of the hard crying.

“M-mommy…Ang t-agal niyo…” Huminto siya para huminga ulit. “A-ang tagal niyo po. Araw araw ko po kayo hinihintay.”

A few droplets of tears escaped through her eyes. Puro iyon at nahihirapan akong huminga dahil sa nakikita kong paghihirap ng anak ko. I felt the longing and pain in each word, that is why I can’t hold back my tears too.

“I a-always check my door every night to see if you came home already.” She inhaled again. “Bakit ka po matagal, mommy? Are you po that busy?”

Mariin akong napapipikit dahil sa tanong niya. I’m ashamed. I thought I can excuse myself for everything because of my condition. Pero kong sa harap ng anak ko ay hindi ko pwedeng sabihin iyon, ikakahiya ko ang sarili ko.

I’m sorry, anak. Nakalimutan ka ni mommy. Ganon? Mas lalo ko lang ipapalayo ang loob ko sa anak ko. That’s the last resort that I want to do.

Humikbi na naman siya. Nicholas gently touched her back. Inaalo si Angela dahil masiyado na itong naiiyak. Habang ako ay natataranta at hindi makapagsalita kung papaano siya patatahanin.

“Hush now, baby. I brought Mommy here already.” Nicholas soft voice woe her. “This is the promise that Daddy owed you, right?”

Masuyo nitong sabi sa anak namin. I exhaled sharply. Unti-unting tumango ang anak ko sa kanya. I gently rub my palm at her forehead and her hair to wash away some sweat.

Nicholas leaned more to her. “Ang sabi mo ay hindi ka iiyak kung makikita mo si mommy?” He said playfully to her.

I smiled in spite of this heavy atmosphere.

He’s a great father…

I felt so lost when I had known Nicholas as my husband and it makes me crazier every second to know the truth. It makes me giddy to finally know my past.

My daughter bravely lifted her head and washed away her tears. Tumawa si Nicholas dahil doon. I felt so overwhelmed at her bravery. Her simple and cute gestures melt me away.

Iminumwestra ko ang kamay ko sa kanya muli.

“Come here, baby. Give mommy another hug.” I said. I want to touch and hug her again. It feels addicting.

Tumayo si Nicholas habang may malapad na ngiti sa kanyang mga labi. He looks genuinely happy while staring at us. Tinawag niya si Nanay Soling upang kuhanan kami ng tubig.

Angela immediately obliged at my pleading. Tumayo na din ako at mas minabuting maupo sa sofa upang mas komportable ko siyang mayakap doon. Hinagilap ko ang kanyang likod at natagpuang basa din iyon dahil sa pawis.

“Nicholas..” I called him.

He immediately turned his body towards us. His lips parted while he stared at us. Naging malambot ang ekspresiyon niya at puno ng pangungulila ang kanyang mga mata.

Is this something that he pictured out already?

“What is it, sweetheart?” He asked me.

I cleared my throat. My heart jump because of that. “I w-would like to change her clothes. Basa na kasi ang likod niya dahil sa pawis.”

Tumango siya. “Let’s go to her room.”

Agad akong tumayo ulit habang buhat ang anak ko na ngayon ay mahigpit na nakayakap sa akin. I saw her eyes closed but she forced to open it again. I can’t help to feel the ache of my heart. She must be thinking that I might go. I glanced at my watch. It’s already quarter to nine already. Inaantok na at pagod na siguro ito dahil sa kakaiyak kanina.

Akmang kukunin siya ni Nicholas pero hindi ko siya hinayaan.

“Ako na. I want to hold her more.”

His lips pursed and sighed. “Mabigat na siya..”

Umiling ako kaagad. “It doesn’t matter.” Mabilis kong sagot sa kanya.

Maingat ang bawak hakbang ko habang buhat ang anak ko habang si Nicholas ay nakasunod lang sa amin.I don’t even have time to wander my eyes in the whole house. Ingat na ingat ako sa bawak hakbang ko na para bang kasalanan kong matalisod ako. Well, I really have to be extra careful.

I smiled even more when I felt Angela snuggled more to my neck. Sinilip ko siya. I find her pout pink lips twitched while her eyes was closed. Another tear slid through my eyes because of too much happiness this time.

Seconds had passed, I felt Nicholas hands on my waist.

“Are you okay?” Mababang boses na tanong niya ng makita akong umiiyak na naman.

Unti unti akong tumango. “I’m good.”

Siya na ang nagbukas ng pinto. A princess themed bedroom welcomed us. A princess themed bedroom comes in different styles but there are always girly and royalty hints you can see in each one of the items in there.

“W-wow..” I can’t help to say. Nicholas chuckled behind me.

Agad kong ipinilig ang aking ulo at mas nagfocus sa pagbuhat sa anak ko. I felt her jumped earlier a little bit. I hummed her a song. Agad naman itong kumalma at mas niyakap pa ako ng mahigpit.

“Nasaan ang closet niya?” Tanong ko kaagad para makapagbihis na si Angela.

He stared at me for a while before he answered. “I’ll get her clothes while you put her in bed.”

Maingat kong binaba si Angela. I felt her stirred on her sleep and slightly open her eyes.

“M-mommy. Don’t leave me…”

I hushed her, “Papalitan lang ni mommy ang damit mo, baby.”

Ibinigay sa akin ni Nicholas ang damit niya pagkatapos at ako na mismo ang nagpalit sa kanya.

“Lift your arm, baby.” Saad ko sa kanya.

Mataman siyang nakatitig sa akin pabalik habang walang tanong na sisunod ang utos ko.

I sighed. “Nasaan ang baby powder mo? Alam mo ba kong nasaan, nak?” I asked her with the most gentle voice.

Tumango siya at tumingin kay Nicholas na tahimik lang na nakatanaw sa aming dalawa. He looks smitten at us. He’s maybe not smiling but I can see so much emotion in his eyes. For the first time, since I saw him, I can finally see emotion in his eyes.

Nicholas left us and when he’s back, dala na niya ang baby powder. I made Angela then turned around to put some amount on her back when she gladly obliged. Nang makuntento ako ay agad ko siyang pinaharap at mas inayos pa ang kanyang damit.

“I’m glad that you’re here now, mommy. Hindi na po ako maghihintay sa door ko palagi.” She smiled after saying that while my heart breaks at her innocent statement.

I hugged her again. “Hindi ka na ulit iiwan ni mommy. It’s a promise.” I said then kissed her cheeks. She giggled at that.

Ilang minuto ko pa siyang kiniliti pero inawat na kaagad kami ni Nicholas. Angela needs to sleep. May klase pa ito bukas at masiyado ng late. Hindi ito nakinig sa ama bagkos ay mas lalong dumikit at yumakap sa akin, natatakot sigurong umalis ako. Pero binuhat ko siya ulit upang makatulog na siya.

I smiled more. Hindi na mapuknat puknat iyon sa aking mga labi. I even swayed a little bit to make her fall asleep a little more. I glanced at Nicholas and saw him still staring at me. His arms were crossed over his chest while he’s leaning on the wall near the door.

“What?” Tanong ko ng hindi siya nagsasalita.

Yumuko siya at umiling. “Angela was a slight sleeper. Hindi siya kailanman nagpapahele sa akin dahil hindi niya gusto iyon.” Mahinang boses niyang saad upang hindi magising ang anak.

A warmed feeling immediately spread through each corner of my heart.

“T-talaga?”

Tumango siya. He then withdrew his posture and walks toward us. He eyed me then darkly. I saw his jaw clenched. Hindi pa din siya bihis kaya malaya ko pa siyang napagmamasdan. I never have any intension to glue my eyes to him. Hindi lang kasi ako sanay na ganito ang suot niya. Kadalasan kasi ay maong na pants at plain t-shirt lang ang sinusuot niya na pinaparesan niya ng boots, which really make him more….what do you call that?

I prefer the appealing word. Nag-iinit kasi ang mukha ko kapag tinawag ko na naman siyang sexy sa isip ko. He looks more than that, with his stubble that was slightly growing, he already passed the audition to be the one of the finest model. Malaki ang katawan niya. Hindi ata mapirmi ang araw na wala siyang work out para sa sarili. Minsan kasi ay nakikitaan ko din siyang nag-wowork out nang minsan ay mapadpad ako sa kwarto niya ng hindi kumakatok. I almost faint because of that. Kaya sa tuwing may gusto akong itinaong sa kanya ay parati na akong kumakatok para hindi maulit ang pagkapahiya.

Batak na batak ang muscle. I notice it while he was just on the mansiyon.

At noong panahon din na may nangyari sa amin.

Stop it, Elizabeth! Gusto mo ulit mabuntis?

I mentally rolled myself. Nababaliw na naman ako.

“Anong iniisip mo?” I almost jump at him. Nakalapit na pala siya sa amin.

Shame, Elizabeth! Kastigo ng isip ko.

I was gawking at him. His lips twitched. Angela had the same mannerism like him, I almost laugh.

Bakit ba asawa ko naman siya?

Triple shame! Saad na naman ng isip ko.

I almost made a facepalm. Ano ba itong pinag-iisip ko?

Umiling ako sa kanya.

“W-wala.”

He didn’t say a word. He just ran his fingers through Angela’s hair. I felt love in his every stroke. Without letting go of her or even pulling away to face her he finally whispered against me.

“I’m sorry for telling you this now.” Mahinahon niyang panimula. Napahigpit ang kapit ko sa anak ko kahit naman alam kong natutulog na ito dahil malalim na ang bawat buga ng hininga nito.

“No. I understand, Nicholas..”

“I was not about to tell you yet. Pero gustong gusto ka na niyang makita.” Tumingin siya sa akin. Marahan siyang umatras at bumuga ng malakas na hininga. “I’m afraid too that if I tell you about this, you might break down because I force you.”

Yumuko siya ulit na parang nahihirapan. Agad kong naramdaman ang pait sa aking lalamunan.

“I’m glad you didn’t because God knows, I can’t lose you both.”

Nang magtaas siya ng mukha ay nakita ko ang ilang luha doon sa kanyang mga mata.

A tear streaked down on my face too.

“Please, don’t leave us again.” He advanced closely to me. “Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko kong mawawala ka ulit.” He whispered making me lost in all the emotion that I’m feeling with.

He hugged us.

“I’m nothing without you, Elizabeth.”